[Rob]

Hello,
Think I am in the place for some good advice . So here is my story I met up with this old friend about seven months ago that I had not seen in year’s and we became friend’s again and at a point just a little more . Nothing sexual just some hug’s and kissies . I kinda thought this was the start of something . Now a little back ground is I have never been married .Just haven’t found that person yet. Anyway She and I talked everyday seen each other a few time a week then I get this feeling that I never felt before, It had to be more then just Love I’m sure of that cause I been in love before and never felt this for someone. Now knowing she and I couldn’t at that time be more then friend’s I couldn’t and still can’t stop feeling the way I do . Her feeling for me didn’t match mine for her but that was OK we were friend’s . She told me she Loved me and at one point she had said she would be proud to marry me. (That feet good) Her life was too busy and we slipped apart – she just stopped calling and didn’t return my calls . I let her go cause I want her to be happy and the only contact we have had is I got a call from her and she ask’s how I was before I could ansewer her the call was lost . I didn’t nor did she call back. I didn’t know if she may be in a relationship now so I left it up yo her to calll me. Like I said I let her go so what I am having trouble with is how do I stop the fellings ? I think of her everyday and I don’t want to . I don’t feel She and I will be together again but I worry and sometimes get this sick feeling something is wrong with her and she need’s help. I can’t call or go see her so I am stuck and a little lost and if I was to call her I wouldn’t know what to say . Help !!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your question about how to stop your feelings is a tough one! So many people write to me and want to know how they can stop feeling badly after a break up. It’s always hard to feel hurt and rejected, but the truth is — a break up is supposed to hurt, and while what you have here isn’t really a break up, but more of a loss of a dear friend — that loss hurts just as much, especially because you had romantic feelings for her that weren’t returned. 😳

While you can’t flick a switch to turn off your bad feelings, to feel better, you can take a few steps back to get a better perspective on what happened, why it happened and what comes next. I promise that if you can do this, you will start to feel better. 😉 Understand that rejection isn’t just a bad feeling. It’s also a gift in dating because if what you are looking for is Ms. Right, or someone who loves you as much or more than you love her, the rejection signals that what you have is not that! 😕 Rejection keeps you from wasting time on someone who isn’t Ms. Right. Rejection sets you free to seek out someone who will love you and who IS Ms. Right. Rejection doesn’t have to be personal if you understand that not everyone you meet is going to be accepting of you and vice versa. Dating is a numbers game, and it’s important that you do suffer rejection (I know that sounds odd.) so that when you get up to bat and the woman you’re finally with is THE ONE you know what that mutually healthy and loving relationship feels like! Most baseball players who hit home runs and grand slams strike out a lot — until that they get that one fabulous pitch that they connect with. Consider yourself a player in a similar game.

I hope that helps — and that you let me know how things go. I focused on your question, but from your description there were points along the relationship you just ended where you could have played things differently and more to your advantage. I think that you could benefit from reading Date Out of Your League, a book I’ve written for men who want to find, get and keep Ms. Right. It explains in detail what to do to get her when you find her. This will help you. You can download that book here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Let me know what you think of it. 🙂

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