[Frustrated]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for seven years and the last year has been a test for us. We moved to a town where we didn’t know many people and the people we knew moved away some time after we were there. The last year we where there he began to push me away.
I was trying to be understanding of what he needed by giving him room and he made a new friend. My boyfriend has always had friends who were girls so that didn’t bother me, but as I got to now her better I began to like her less. Things began to get worse. My boyfriend shut me out more and more and used this girl to never really be alone with me. During this time his friend broke up with her boyfriend and begun hanging out with my boyfriend all the time. They way they were both acting made me feel like I was the other women. She is also drama prone and she began to create drama and negativity in our lives.
The whole situation came to a head when my boyfriend came home and told me that he was not sure if he wanted to be in a relationship anymore. I left and went to be with friends and family and a few days later he called and asked me to come back.
We talked everything out, I feel like we got alot out in the open and begun to move forward to a better place. One thing that keeps coming up though is this girl. I understand she was put in a situation with me and my boyfriend and if I felt like she was just there trying to be a friend to my boyfriend I would be fine with her. But I feel like she contributed negatively to the situation and did things that were not cool. I felt like she was helping push me and my boyfriend away from each other.
Me and my boyfriend moved and for a few months the issue was mute because she wasn’t around. She ended up moving to the same town. My boyfriend new how I felt and when I found out she was going to be in the same town I told him that I knew they still talked but I did not want the two of them hanging out all the time like before.
He assured me that it would not be like before, but she keeps coming up. There is always drama in her life and she calls on my boyfriend all the time. My boyfriend feels there is nothing wrong with spending time with her because they are just friends.
I don’t believe that he would cheat on me, that’s not the issue. For me the whole thing is that whether or not I am right or wrong about it, this girl created drama and negativity in our lives and my boyfriend should step back from this relationship. If someone came into our lives through me and my boyfriend was uncomfortable with the relationship I would have that person in my life but not a daily presence.
It’s been about a month and part of me thinks I should step back and see where this goes. That’s how I acted in the past when she was in our lives so the other part says stand my ground. This is starting to tear a hole in our relationship.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m afraid that it’s time for you to move on from this relationship.

But first, you need to see the reality of what’s going on. Obviously, this woman shouldn’t be in his life. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that you’re in denial about your boyfriend being the problem. 😕 It’s not really this other woman who’s the problem. It’s your boyfriend. He’s not treating you like the only woman in his life, and after seven years together, that shouldn’t be an issue — unless he’s not sure about his future with you, which he’s already admitted once. I don’t see any good coming of this situation if you stay in it. This woman is going to continue to chase your boyfriend as long as he not only allows it, but nurtures his relationship with her, which he’s clearly doing.

You can’t make him do things he doesn’t want to do, and since you’ve already expressed your feelings to him, and he’s basically ignored them with his actions, you need to accept reality. Your boyfriend isn’t being a good boyfriend, and your life is not a peaceful one because there’s another woman in your relationship. Whether or not he’s sleeping with this other woman, he’s cheating on you emotionally and socially. It’s time for you walk.

I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I think you really need to hear it loud and clear. You need a better boyfriend who respects you and wants your relationship together to come first and foremost. You want someone who you can know will will align with you, loyally, against any outside threat to your relationship. You don’t have that with this guy.

Mr. Right is out there. He’s just not in your own home.

Good luck. Let me know how things go.

[Member]

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