[liz296]

I just started seeing my ex about a month ago, I have recently brought up the relationship topic but he seems to avoid the subject, doesn’t give me any answers. I am a bit inpatient and want to know where this is going because I’m a single mother and I do want to give my son a stable family, with his mother being happily married one day. No waste of time, if that’s the case then I’d rather stay single, I just have feelings for him and don’t want to jeopardize my heart. The reason why I want to know what’s going on is because the weekend we started seeing each other (2 days before) He had sent a message to another woman asking her to have drinks. Now they didn’t end up seeing each other but I am wondering if he is just looking for someone to pass the time with or since we have a past together maybe he does see something in the future for us. Only thing he has said is that it’s only been a month and that if everything works out then he would like to take it serious. One thing though, he hasn’t introduced me to his family as his girlfriend. His sisters did meet me but not his parents, only as his friend years ago when we had just met. He never brought me to any family events or around his friends unless they were around whenever I arrived to his place. I just don’t know if I should stop bringing up the topic or give him an ultimatum and see what will happen. I like to take charge of things and I like to know where things are going in my life, not knowing makes me not be in control and I can’t stand being in that position. Any advice? Thanks!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I completely understand that as a single mother, you want to find someone who will be a future husband and step-father. That’s good that you’re clear. However…. you really do have to drop the pressure and the idea of an ultimatum. It will backfire. 😕

You didn’t mention how long you dated your ex before breaking up, how long the break up was, and most importantly, why you broke up. Those things will help me advise you. 😉 Also, it would be good to know why you got back together, given the break up. If you’re anxious to remarry it’s important to really think about what’s different since the break up and how things will work better this time around, than they did leading to the break up. I know you want a husband and father for your son, but if you jump into a relationship that isn’t going to work out, it would have been much better to gave given your son the stability of simply being a single parent — and not putting him through another divorce. 😉 So, think about the break up and why things are different this time.

In addition, the fact that you know he asked another woman out, gives you a really good idea of how serious he is with you — it sounds like he’s still playing the field right now, and since he isn’t introducing you to family, you can be sure this isn’t at the serious stage yet. If you’re okay dating him, knowing he’s playing the field, isn’t sure where this is going, and that it may or may not work out, then you should continue. But if you’re always going to be wondering what the status of the relationship is, and you’re already thinking about ultimatums at the one month mark, I think he’s not your guy. You might want to look for someone who’s really ready to marry and have a family. It doesn’t sound from the way you’re talking about this guy that he’s on the same page you are at the same time.

Let me know if you have any more questions. 😉

[liz296]

Well, the breakup was due to having too many differences that eventually turned to being really detached from each other. The respect was gone, and the desire to even be around each other disappeared as well. There was no fun, only routines.. and different desires. I think that an individual can’t really progress in life when they allow someone else to hold them back, something like a bagage. He lied many times, and cheated on me as well. Deep down I always knew that he never really wanted to settle down, he is only 32 years old… So young and the people he surrounds himself with, aren’t the type I want to ever be around, they are stuck in a circle and so is he. I just like the sex we have and I don’t know whether to feel guilty because of it. I said in my first post that we have been seeing each other for a month now and I am noticing he still hasn’t changed, I can’t go out late at night during the week except for weekends because I have a responsibility as a mother. As for him, he goes out and is out right about now. He doesn’t have any children or has ever been married, and I don’t think he is ready at all to settle down with anyone. I used to think that there was something wrong with me which led me to being insecure but then realized that it’s not really me, it’s him not being ready to take that next step, or even the first one towards having a committed relationship with someone. You said something that stood out, and you are right. I don’t have to necessarily think about giving my son a stable family with a man by our side. I can give him the same stable family as single parent. As a woman, I do believe and know that we do have the ability to be happy on our own. I am not going after him anymore just to get an answer about whether or not he wants to commit. He is a man and if he wanted to, he would definitely make sure he made it happen. I’m not saying I won’t be seeing him anymore, I do like the sexual relationship we have.. but this time, I will just be realistic and not have any expectations. I know that my Mr. Right is somewhere out there and he will find me one day 🙂

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’ve worked a lot out on your own! 🙂

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