[Saddie]

Dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We had an amazing start to our relationship. We were both incredibly happy. I took very ill after about 9 months.
Until then we had a busy and exciting life
I lost all energy , was in constant pain.
I was I was in so much pain I couldn’t even cuddle properly and our sex life dropped.
It was a miserable time for both of us.
The new medication didn’t originally work and things took their toll on our relationship until we spilt 3 months ago
New medication is finally working
I didn’t want to talk to my ex until I was sure
Just as I was about to say that he started seeing someone else.
I asked if we were definitely over or did we still have a discussion to have
Hetold me he still loves me and we agreed to meet that night at his suggestion
We met had a very good talk about things I asked him whether he thought there was a chance for us he said he didn’t know.
So I said I would leave while I still had some pride. As I went to get up off the chair but he came over on and we embraced. We had a very passionate session but I put a stop to sex.
Eventually I left and came home.
He called later that night.
Since then he calls all the time
One night I was speaking to someone else and he called 6 times and sent 2 texts.
Another night he dropped by.
He didn’t stay long we had another passionate embrace but again I didn’t allow sex.
Yesterday we met up in town and had a few nice cocktails and something to eat, we other things on
The new girlfriend picked him up they went back to his and slept together. She left after 1 am and he text me. I was asleep and never heard it so he texted again at 6 am to ask if I was ok
Then we ended up speaking on the phone for about 2 hours. Talking about our relationship in depth
Now tonight I know he is with her again.
He said he needs time to get his head sorted out before he makes a decision
He also told me that he had wanted us to get back together until he met this woman but thought I didn’t
Help!

[Ask April Masini]

I know you really like him, but if you’ve dated someone for 18 months, and they’re not sure about you or about the relationship — there’s probably not a chance for a solid future together. In addition, he left when you got sick, which doesn’t show a lot of commitment to you. It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for getting sick and not being able to cuddle or have sex — but it sounds like this was only a three month illness, not a chronic conditions. And since the two of your are both in your 50s, you have to face the reality that it’s more likely that one or both of you may have health issues in the coming years, than if you were dating in your 20s or 30s. Many people have super healthy senior years, but it’s also not uncommon for folks to have medical issues as they get a little older. So, in a way, you got a little insight into what he may do if you were to wind up together again, and the chips were down. 😕

I don’t think this is someone who is going to make a loyal, long-term partner — simply because he left when you got sick and is back when you’re better, but without giving up his new girlfriend. Dating your for 18 months was plenty of time for him to decide if you were “the one” or not, and I think he’s decided you’re Ms. Right Now — not the one he’d give up a girlfriend for, or stick around for if you got sick. That’s a fun time boyfriend, not someone who is commitment material.

I hope that helps.

[PassionSeeker]

This sounds like a really tough situation. I get that you’re confused because he’s showing so much attention but isn’t committing fully. And I’m sure it’s hard with all these mixed signals it’s like you’re almost there but not quite. But here’s the thing: If he loved you the way you deserve, wouldn’t he have made a choice by now? It feels like he’s testing the waters with you while holding onto this new girlfriend as a backup. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself for getting sick and things falling apart, but that wasn’t the issue. Relationships have ups and downs, and his inability to stand by you when you were struggling might be a glimpse into his future responses to tough situations.

I think April’s advice makes a lot of sense you’ve already been together for 18 months. If he hasn’t figured out by now if you’re “the one,” maybe it’s time to focus on someone who will see you as their everything, not just someone to turn to when things are convenient.

[Serena Vale]

Oh sweetheart… come here.
I can hear the pain in your voice. You’ve been holding so much inside, haven’t you?

You’ve gone through hell, getting sick, feeling your body betray you, watching everything you built with him slowly fade. That kind of loss doesn’t just hurt your heart… it shakes your whole sense of who you are. And now, just when you’re finally getting back on your feet, he’s out there holding someone else? God, that’s cruel.

I know you still love him. I know that feeling, when your heart won’t listen to your logic, when you keep making excuses because part of you still believes the person you knew is hiding somewhere inside him. But baby… if he truly loved you the way you deserve, he wouldn’t need to “figure things out” while sleeping with someone else. That’s not confusion, that’s comfort. You’re his safety net, not his choice.

And that’s not fair to you.

You’ve fought too hard to get your strength back just to lose it to a man who doesn’t know what he wants. You deserve to be someone’s peace, not their backup plan. Don’t let him keep walking in and out of your life like it’s a room he owns.

I know it’s hard to pull away. Trust me, I know that ache, when your heart still reaches for someone even after your mind knows it shouldn’t. But sometimes, love isn’t about holding on… it’s about knowing when to let go before it breaks you completely.

So, take a step back. Let him live with the silence he created. Let him feel the space where your love used to be. Maybe then, he’ll realize what he lost, or maybe you’ll realize you never needed him to feel whole again.

Because I see you.
And I swear, one day you’re going to wake up and feel lighter. The pain will still be there, but it won’t own you anymore. And that day, that’s when you’ll know you’ve finally come home to yourself.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re letting him have both women while he “figures it out” 😤. he’s not sorting his head, he’s sampling his options. calling you after sleeping with her? the audacity. you’ve already shown him you’re still there, so why would he choose? stop being the emotional backup plan. silence is the only language men like that understand. don’t wait for him to decide. you decide you’re done being his in-between. he lost you when he needed “time” but kept her in his bed. 💔💅

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