[blueye28]

This might sound like an obvious response to most people, but hear my story out completely first then respond. So about 4 months ago I started a new job and hit it off unexpectedly with one of my co-workers. At first, it was a very flirty relationship but it turned more into an emotional one. He told me that he liked me and we talked almost everyday. We even spent a few times together outside of work. Nothing physical ever happened because he has a girlfriend and I refused to let that happen while he was still with her. Well, one day we hung out and really connected, he told me he was falling for me, the next day he told me he broke up with his girlfriend and was moving out. I thought things were progressing in a positive way. A couple days later, he texted me and told me he needed to take a break from “us.” I was so confused because I thought things were going so well. That very next day, he was let go from work! I was devastated knowing I wouldn’t be able to see him. He told me that he wasn’t going to be able to move out from his “girlfriend’s” place because he had no job and no money, so he would have to stay where he was at until he got back on his feet again. (I just assumed that meant that he went crawling back to her so that he wouldn’t have to move out too.) So for the past 2 months, it’s been like an emotional roller coaster for me. We still talk, but instead of everyday, it’s more like once a week. I usually wait for him to initiate the conversation. We have seen each other a few times since too. Still our relationship has never progressed to anything physical (beyond hugging and him holding me) even though he has wanted it to. I still won’t let that happen because he is still with and living with his girlfriend. He has said he wants to be with me but I don’t see him making any efforts to really make that happen. He’s gotten another job since so I know he is back on his feet. I feel like he is just trying to get the best of both worlds. He knows how much I like him and that I want to be with him. Part of me thinks that because he knows I’m not going anywhere that he can keep me on the back burner while he continues to live with his girlfriend and not have to worry about starting over and moving out. I really do think he likes me but I’m tired of him taking me for granted. He has said things that make me wonder if he is just scared of taking a chance on me and it not working out since right now he is in a situation where he is comfortable. He has said things like “you won’t pick me” and “I know you’ll break my heart”. The last time I saw him before we parted ways we finally had our first kiss. I feel bad because he has a girlfriend, but my feelings for him are pretty strong and after 4 months of us connecting emotionally, I couldn’t take it anymore. Pretty much right after we did, he left and later apologized saying that he freaked out, he didn’t want it to feel that good and that he felt a spark and it freaked him out. Ugh. So…as you can imagine, this guy is tiring me out emotionally. I don’t know what to do. Any advice on this matter would be most appreciative.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you don’t like the roller coaster, get off. 😉

This guy is being very clear with you that he’s living with his girlfriend and he hasn’t taken you out on a single date. If you want to date a man who’s not dating someone else, it’s really your choice to do so — or not. If you stay with him, you’ll continue to feel confused because you don’t like the fact that he won’t commit to you, or leave his girlfriend, and you want him to. People talk themselves into all kinds of rationalizations in order to stay in relationships that aren’t healthy — because they don’t want to leave. That’s what you’re doing.

My advice is to decide that you want to date someone who’s available and committed to you, and to move on from this guy, so you can do that! 😉

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[blueye28]

Thank you for your response! I have been rationalizing to myself for way to long. It is time for me to move on from this guy. I know this might sound silly, but part of me wants him to panic and realize that he’s lost me since I feel like he just takes me for granted knowing that I will always be around. Should I ignore him completely? Or should I respond to his texts next time he send them?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ignore him completely and move on with your life. The best way to get someone to regret losing you is for them to truly see you genuinely happy without them — and with someone else!

Focus on yourself and what you can do to change your own life — not his and his feelings. 😉

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[blueye28]

I was doing so well with this. We hadn’t talked for 2 weeks. Then of course, the one day he texts me I was drunk at a party. I didn’t respond at first but then as the night when on I finally cracked. Now, I feel like I’ve lost all the progress I’ve made in this situation. Now I feel like next time I ignore him he’ll know it’s on purpose and that I’m being flakey or something and that I’ll eventually crack. I want him to think/know that I’m moving on. Should I just be upfront with him next time we talk and tell him we need to end all communications? Seeming as how I’m not strong enough to ignore him completely. ? Or should I just go back to ignoring him again and lock my phone up next time I’m drinking just in case? 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t try to control his feelings or his thoughts. Instead, focus on what’s best for YOU! 😀

Everybody messes up, so don’t beat yourself up on that. Just go back to focusing on you, and doing what’s right for you. You can tell him it’s over, or you can just have it be over and not talk to him if it’s too confusing for you. 😉

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