[songbiird95]

Well hello April! Soo I have this sticky situation I’m dealing with currently. I’m 18, soon to go into college, and have been trying to figure out what’s going on in that pretty little head of my best guyfriend. I’ve known him for almost three years now and have liked him from the very start. He is simply a great guy to be around! He’s funny, has sweet manners, has good looks, and his personality is one that I simply adore. 😉 What has gotten me is this though: during these nearly three years of my liking him as more than a friend, I as well as others have realized the feelings are mutual between me and him. BUT. At the beginning of this year he secretly dated a girl who I am friends with and who knew I liked the guy! This obviously hurt me, but their relationship ended after two months because my male friend isn’t allowed to date at this time. I was scarred emotionally from this, having crushed on him so hard, and I forced myself to not like him anymore because of not only the hurt but also the fear that I would get hurt again if I kept my little crush going as I cannot date right now either. And so, I told myself to forget about him and move on. I actually succeeded in this, not liking him anymore….for about a month. 😛

After that scenario was over with for a little while I began to see my guyfriend much more often, leading to my crush starting again lol. During his ‘relationship’ I could tell his personality changed a bit, and it was very awkward being around him. After the break up though, he and the girl dont even seem to talk anymore, not as friends or anything to my knowledge. He has returned back to his normal sweet self now, and as mentioned I like him again, just as much as I did in the beginning. Now I just am trying to figure out if he still likes me…he is still a gentleman, helping out me or my fam when he can; he flirts a bit; and I catch him gazing at me from afar still as he used to do. His father and mine are very close and its almost like we are family in a way. I enjoy his company and vice versa…should I hold on to him or let him go? Is there hope here?

Thanks,

Hopeful Teen

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]…should I hold on to him or let him go? Is there hope here?[/quote]

If he’s not allowed to date, and you’re not allowed to date, I’m not sure what you’re holding on to. 😕 In addition, your question about hope is confusing since you’re both not allowed to date — what is it you’re hoping for? 😉

One of the grown up truths it’s time for you to understand is that men and women can’t be friends, and the reason is that one of them always likes the other more, and wants more, and this leads to confusion and dishonesty. This guy was probably dating your friend secretly because he didn’t want you to know — either because he knew you liked him and didn’t want to hurt you, or because he liked you and wanted to keep you around in case that relationship didn’t work out. This isn’t friendship. Friends are honest with each other. So, even if you call it a friendship, it’s really not. I know that this is a change for you, and may be hard to accept, but it’s a reality of adulthood, which you’re on the verge of.

I hope this helps. 😀

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[songbiird95]

Thanks so much for your response. So much of what you said is true, and I understand where you are coming from. The reality of the fact that this friendship isn’t really a friendship at all is a hard matter to take to heart, but I will try my best to run with it and keep it in mind! I hate the fact that we teens always seem to make mistakes, start something we can’t finish, or get ourselves hurt when we could have avoided the situation…but we are young adults and are in a very confusing stage in life, merging into adulthood! 😐 The game of trial and error is one I deal with every day, and its no different now with this situation.

We aren’t allowed to date at this time, but if in the future we are still in contact, do you think it would be wise to ask him about this particular situation and get the questions off my chest? I feel as though despite all this, I still want to cling on to the possibility of having him as more than a friend when we are of age. He made a mistake and obviously is trying to fix it in my eyes.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Making mistakes doesn’t end when you leave your teenage years. 😉 Everyone makes mistakes, and the important thing is to accept that you’re human and will make mistakes — and to learn from them. 😀

[quote]We aren’t allowed to date at this time, but if in the future we are still in contact, do you think it would be wise to ask him about this particular situation and get the questions off my chest?[/quote]

No. I definitely don’t think you should ask him about his having dated another young woman instead of you. It’s his choice, and it’s just going to make you look jealous or desperate — neither one of these are attractive qualities. Besides, I think you’re just trying to leverage a conversation about him dating someone else into his saying that he likes you becausee that’s what you want to hear.

Instead, try and process what happened 😉 — that he didn’t date you, and chose someone else instead — and understand that rejection is a gift in life because it lets you know who is interested and who isn’t, so you can find someone who IS interested. 😀

I hope that helps.

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