[sundevil]

I met this girl at work and we’ve dated for about 3 months. Things were perfect, came easy, and we spent a lot of time together for the first 2 months. We both felt the same.. or at least she claimed but you can really tell when someone is excited to see you.. wants to see you. I was stand offish at first and we would banter back and forth joking about committal and things like that. She pushed and often asked if if we were dating or what i would tell people if we met.. again in a light way.. it was fun. I’d tell her she was in my top 4 or 5. Joking and she knew it. I travel for work and left the country for a week. Came back and the next day a close relative was sick and passed away. However, when i got back things were good but something a bit off. She noted a joke i said just before i left.. she knew i was just joking but it bugged her. She still claimed everything was normal and she REALLY liked me.. Never before had she felt this way. That week with the funeral, family in town, being at the hospital, almost xmas, her pulling away a bit during this time was normal given the situation. We were in a weird stage like we were close but it was only 2 months, etc. She never asked me to meet her at the hospital, help out, etc but i did make it known i was there to help. Then she began getting really sensitive about jokes and text responses, etc. I began to get a feeling like something more was lost, gone or something. It was hard to hold up a game face? We had dinner w/her family christmas eve, met her brothers, etc they all told her afterward they really liked me-she volunteered the info. It all fit so perfect. Anway the week between xmas and new years was weird and it felt as if she pulled away even more.. New Years even night, she was distant.. she would answer if i talked to her but just felt distant. The next morning.. i was asking what was wrong and she was not sure.. said her mom was asking the same thing. Said she really likes me.. just didn’t know. I said well then lets just call it friends.. there is no pressure. We parted ways and for the next two weeks we would text, she would say she misses me, likes everything about me, loves me.. but would not make any effort to really see me. 3 weeks had passed.. it was like i was out of sight out of mind. She would claim things when i was there.. and it was obvious she liked me and wanted me.. until she left. Then.. more time when by.. and we went out.. she was closer to me by the end of the date and sent me texts after saying she has missed me, wants to see me more when i get back, etc. Then i got back and it’s almost like things are weird again. She always throws out that she misses me.. if i say something about how i feel, she said she feels exactly the same way. Earlier at new years she said she needs space.. i’ve given her space.. She is a great girl. Awesome family. Independent. Career oriented. Never married. No kids. I do believe she is not seeing anyone else. She leaves for a trip overses tomorrow for aweek.. I sent a message saying “In case i don’t see you before you leave to have a great trip!.. She replied w a thank you and “this may sound weird but she is really going to miss me when she’s gone” But then.. no texts, emails, phone calls.. I’ve put the ball in her court.. Do i just go on w/my business as if it is dead? Things would be weird almost to date at this point. I would not trust her feelings.. long term. I want answers bu tdon’t want to push and don’t want to “guilt” her into coming back – like i have a choice! ha. I’m at the point she tells me things like she really misses me and it doesn’t phase me..The entire time.. she would mainly respond w/she feels exactly the same.. I would initiate.. w/exception of a few times..which was fine because i could tell in her actions.. This the last time i brought things up last week, she said she really likes me bu tis just feeling non-commital and it always comes down to this.. she is not sure why she gets to this point..and said she knows how it affects me. we both have a lot of travel in this next 2 months. In my “heart” i think its a shame to throw it away but almost need to to stay sane.. in my mind, i know it’s only been three months..SOrry for grammar in this past few lines.. screen has bottomed out.. hard to read and correct! Advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is either one of two explanations for her behavior:

1. You’re not playing the game to win. Buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. If you want her, you have to pursue her. Your jokes telling her she was in the top four of five women you were dating, cast doubt on your intentions. Be careful what you say — she’s listening. If you want her, pursue her.

2. She may just not be interested enough to be worth pursuing. I can’t tell from your post how often you actually took her on dates. If you did everything I suggested in tip number one, above, and she’s still off and on and lukewarm overall, my advice is to move on. Someone can be from a great family and meet your goals as a girlfriend on paper, but if there is no warmth or consistent feeling of goodwill and affection, you’re just not compatible.

I hope you’ll buy and read the book I suggested and then let me know how things go.

Also, please follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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