[chrism]

Dear April,

I need your advice. My husband (age 55) and I (53) have been happily married for 28 years. More than 20 years ago we were very close friends with our older neighbors, Marcia and Steve, but we moved out of state, they got divorced, and we mostly lost touch. After getting back in touch, this spring we spent a vacation week in Mexico with Marcia and all three of us had a wonderful time. Marcia, who now lives on the opposite coast, has remained unmarried and while she’s had a series of relationships, hasn’t had a steady male friend for years. During our week together Marcia told both of us frankly about how she longed to be close to someone, asked about our sex life, and implied (but did not actually ask) several times that she’d like to have a threesome with us. We mostly ignored her overtures, but it led to a lot of discussion between my husband and me. Basically, he’s always found Marcia, who’s 58, attractive and would like to see if she’s serious about this and if so, try a threesome the next time we get together. I am much more hesitant, not because I’m concerned about losing my husband to Marcia, but I don’t particularly want to see my husband having sex with her and I’m concerned about losing our relationship with her if this doesn’t work out. My husband is anxious to pursue this, and I’m guessing Marcia is. What do you suggest? Should I tell my husband to forget it, or should I be open to experimenting with a threesome?

Confused

[Ask April Masini]

Forget it. Threesomes never work out. I have people write me here with some regularity, who are in similar situations to yours. Over and over, without fail, these threesomes result in break ups, pain and at least one if not all three of the members of the trio wishing they’d never done it in the first place.

Sex is wonderful, but it bonds women to men and it create relationships you don’t intend for it to create. Sex changes things. It’s not like the three of you going to a movie together or sharing a pizza. You’re all going to have sexual sense memory and sexual intimacy that will lead to emotional intimacy if you follow through.

I hope that answers your question — run, don’t walk. And stop taking single women on romantic beach vacations with you and your husband! Let his focus be on you. 😉

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