[Anonymous]

need some good advice……dated this girl for three years…things were great up until the last 6 months…we began fighting cause i became insecure about a lot of things….shes not much of a complimentary person…and i knew this ….she is the type to think something nice but just not say it…..so i would get my feelings hrt and accuse her of not loving me the way i loved her…so anyways a lot of these fights came to a head and she broke up with me four months ago…we never really broke contact..the first two weeks were just texts…..after that we basically went back to normal….we talked a couple times a day…kissed..had sex occasionally but tried not to do this often…and spent the night occasionally with each other…..all the while i was uncomfortable with this…but she kept assuring me that things would be fine eventually……but she isnt ready to work on our problems yet…too much pressure…so we continue to fight but only about the circumstances…and she would always convince me to continue contact….well the other week we got into another fight and she decides maybe we do need to limit contact because she isnt getting any better this way…so i got mad claiming that this goes back on eveything she s said about not wanting to date anyone and how shes not leading me on just to find someone else…..that if she can change her mind about this she can about everything else just as easy and all i will get is an i’m sorry……so i didnt return her calls the next day and gave us time to cool down….when we talked i apologized and agreed to the limited contact and said i needed it also to calm down and stop letting things get to me..to get my confidence back so i could be the person that i usually am…..but also threw a kink saying i wanted no contact….for at least two weeks….its almost been a week and its killing me…she texts me everyday…..asking if she left somethin at my house ….or telling me she is nervous about her doctor visit….or to say hope your day is going well…ly…..and even to be a smart ass about some saying “sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve” that some girl posted on facebook that i hit the like status on(that i “liked” the saying)she just texted me the saying and said wow gag!!!!..she eve still goes as far as commenting on an outfit saying i should get that for the beach this year(we always go to the beach in july) or makes comments saying we still could be going to the beach this year that i dont know we wolnt cause i had made a comment about taking a friend…its just such a weird situation cause she seems fine most of the time….and i guess i do to from the outside but its killing me on the inside….all her family seems to think she will come around but also say she is very stubborn..but that she is always honest and upfront …borderline too honest…and would be with me if things were different….and does not respond well to tough love..all this i feel is true…..but i also feel i have tried everything else…i love her and her family…..and i dont want to loose her but i realise its going to be what its going to be…i just wonder where shes at in her head…..this is my first real relationship so i am new at this heartache thing…….(i am 25 she is 22)…( a little background…i jsut bought my first house and she just recently found a girl she could live with and is on her own finally…she is very independent cause her mom has to depend on a man financially and always says she needs to know she can make it on her own before she take the next step with us) i just need some overall opinions and some insight as to where she s at maybe

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

No wonder things are weird — you’re trying to be a boyfriend, a broken up couple, and a couple who’s having trouble and working out problems — all at the same time. You’re bound for failure unless you focus on one thing.

Basically, you have to choose whether you want to be in or out — and when I say YOU have to choose, I mean exactly that: YOU. Not her, you. Taking breaks like this — and then not honoring them, or having her not respect the breaks, isn’t going to help, as you can see.

My advice is to quit the breaks and make this one big break up with no more contact. You can’t control her, but you can control you. There are lots of ways to not have contact and they include, deleting texts before reading them, not responding to contact she initiates, blocking e-mails, etc. If you want to do this, you can. You don’t have to be a victim.

At the same time, you have to decide you’re going to start looking at other women to date, and just do that! If you don’t, you’re going to look to your soon to be ex as a companion and friend with benefit when you get lonely.

It would be great for you to have some more experience in dating that is good and positive, and if after three years you’re fighting like this with your current girlfriend, a change will do you good.

[Member]

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