[katiexstanton]

hey april! so i met this guy a few months ago and things have been awesome. he texts me and/or calls me every single day, we’ve hung out a bunch of times, he’s taken me on dates, we’ve casually hung out as well. he always tells me how much he likes me and how he sees this going in a great direction and sure enough he asked me to be his girlfriend! so now we are officially dating 🙂 i met his parents last week, and he just met mine on saturday night and they both went really well!! this is all so new for me and we’re still learning things about each other, as anyone in a relationship does. however he does have one very close girl friend that has a daughter and i’ve stated my concerns. i told him i would NEVER try to change him and i’m not taking his friends away of course, but just wanna make sure i don’t have anything to worry about. he completely understood where i was coming from and assured me that there is nothing between them, never has been, never will be. so saturday he met my family, we had a bbq things were great. then me, my boyfriend, my best friend, and her boyfriend went to the bar. this is our first time going to a bar together so i’m not used to how he acts. he didn’t try to hold my hand, or touch me, or kiss me, and the guys were playing pool and he wouldn’t even sit next to me. i got a little drunk and started to give him an attitude and later confronted the situation..which i realize i approached the wrong way and i apologized. but i asked him if he even wanted to be around me..and he was like of course i do why would you ask me that. and i said because you never touched me, or sat by me, etc. and he said im just not like that and i like to go out and try to please everyone and i didnt wanna make anyone feel uncomfortable (meanwhile my best friend and her boyfriend were all over each other) so i apologized but explained that it made me a little insecure. and he said i just think you drink too much, you go to your friends house and drink..blah blah..and he said but i understand because you have a lot of free time right now, me and my friends are just different we’ll go to the arcade or something. so i said okay i understand that, does that not make you wanna be with me? and he said no i wanna be with you, unless you did something drastic i dont see me ever not wanting to be with you. so he told me to go to sleep and not to worry about things..but of course i texted him a few texts saying how sorry i was and telling him how much i cared about him and all he said was “home” so the next day he texts me and says “hey i just woke up you really just need to relax..i wake up to like 12 text messages just relax its fine lol” so i said “ok im sorry” so then hes talking to me normally and i know i prob shouldnt have but i said “is everything ok from last night, i just wanna move forward, not dwell on it, i apologize..etc.” and he said “please enough now alright..its fine” and it just hurt because i feel like he doesnt wanna talk about things, or why cant he just say everything is okay..i care about you..you didnt know how i would act at the bar, etc. at least something to make me feel better? so now i have to put a mask on and pretend like everythings ok and shut my mouth just to please him. it sucks..and so then i was texting like everything was okay and he asked me what my plans were for tomorrow (today) so i said no plans just babysitting at night if u want maybe i could come out there tomorrow (bc we live 45 mins away) and we could hang out and he said “negative lol i have work tonight 12-8 and then 4-12 tomorrow so im gonna need to sleep in lol” so i said “okay no problem lol” and then i sent him a cute text, he never answered..still hasnt answered..and i see on facebook that his friend tagged him at the dmv with her about an hour ago? meanwhile he told me he was gonna sleep..so that makes me feel like shit but im not gonna say anything cause hes gonna shut me down. ughh its so frustrating..im trying to keep myself busy, but i feel like hes acting distant and that hes gonna break up with me..but my bdays wednesday so maybe hes waiting til after my birthday to end things? or maybe im just looking way into things. i really do believe he likes me a lot but now i feel like i messed up so badly 🙁 please help me april!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Men don’t want to have “the talk”. 😕 You made a big deal out of something that wasn’t necessarily a big deal at all and forced him to talk to you about it. Mistake! Understand that not everyone is a public display of affection type of person. Instead of letting the difference between you go, you made it into an issue. Your’e going to have differences with men who may be your Mr. Right, and you have to decide which are deal breakers and which aren’t. If you want everything to go your way all the time and aren’t willing to compromise, you’re going to miss out on some great men! 😮 Then you sent way too many texts that displayed neediness which is definitely not attractive. 😳

You know what you did wrong. Time to start using some self-discipline! 😉

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[katiexstanton]

does it seem like he’s really interested in me and likes me a lot? & also, he’s been thinking about joining the military for over a year. we’ve only been together a short amount of time but he told me about a month ago that even if he decided to join he said there would be no way he was leaving me, and it would be my decision if i wanted to wait for him or move on with my life. then yesterday he tells me he has the asvab and physical on thursday and friday..and then he’s going to enlist i’m sure. i asked him what does he wanna do about me and him and he said “i’ll cross that bridge when i get there..idk if i get a computer, or if i get only 10 mins to talk on the phone, and i call my mom dad sisters and nephews and have no times to talk to you” and i said “well about a month ago you made it seem like you wanted to still be together, and i’m just saying you don’t have to make any promises, but i would still wanna be with you” and he said “i’m not making any promises i would wanna be with you too” and i said “well do you at least still wanna be with me right now?” and he said “yeah why not..what do you think i’m gonna go out and hang out with a bunch of girls because i know i’m leaving?” and then he said “it’s 3 months away at the earliest if i felt like we weren’t going to continue things i wouldn’t tell you i didn’t wanna be with you anymore or not talk to you, or be like i’m leaving on the plane now we can’t talk anymore.”

idk..i feel so weird it makes me feel like he doesnt really care about me if he’s willing to just end things..and i’m over here willing to wait for him because i care about him that much. he seemed so interested in me and told me he loved me and now i just feel like he’s distant, and wanted to still be together if he went away and now he has his doubts..please help me..

does he seem interested and have real feelings for me?
did i mess up?
is it normal for guys going into the military to break up with their girlfriends?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]does it seem like he’s really interested in me and likes me a lot? [/quote]

It seems like he did like you a lot, but less so since you were chasing him and acting needy.

[quote]& also, he’s been thinking about joining the military for over a year. we’ve only been together a short amount of time but he told me about a month ago that even if he decided to join he said there would be no way he was leaving me, and it would be my decision if i wanted to wait for him or move on with my life. then yesterday he tells me he has the asvab and physical on thursday and friday..and then he’s going to enlist i’m sure. i asked him what does he wanna do about me and him and he said “i’ll cross that bridge when i get there..idk if i get a computer, or if i get only 10 mins to talk on the phone, and i call my mom dad sisters and nephews and have no times to talk to you” and i said “well about a month ago you made it seem like you wanted to still be together, and i’m just saying you don’t have to make any promises, but i would still wanna be with you” and he said “i’m not making any promises i would wanna be with you too” and i said “well do you at least still wanna be with me right now?” and he said “yeah why not..what do you think i’m gonna go out and hang out with a bunch of girls because i know i’m leaving?” and then he said “it’s 3 months away at the earliest if i felt like we weren’t going to continue things i wouldn’t tell you i didn’t wanna be with you anymore or not talk to you, or be like i’m leaving on the plane now we can’t talk anymore.”

idk..i feel so weird it makes me feel like he doesnt really care about me if he’s willing to just end things..[/quote]

That would be an accurate assessment. I hope you’ll stop pressing him. Whether you’re with him or someone else, being needy is not attractive. This is a great challenge for you to work on.
🙂

[quote]and i’m over here willing to wait for him because i care about him that much. he seemed so interested in me and told me he loved me and now i just feel like he’s distant, and wanted to still be together if he went away and now he has his doubts..please help me..[/quote]

He changed his mind based on his experience dating you. Hopefully, you can learn from your mistakes and do things differently, whether it’s with him or someone else. 😉

[quote]does he seem interested and have real feelings for me?[/quote]

He’s interested, but not as much as he was before you started chasing him and pressing him to be different and acting needy. 😳

[quote]did i mess up?[/quote]

Yes.

[quote]is it normal for guys going into the military to break up with their girlfriends?[/quote]

Not necessarily.

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