[samsam]

Just wondering if I am too sensitive to my husband’s actions. We have been married for 4 years. We are both in second marriages. I have a 19 year old son who lived with us until he went to college this year. He has a 15 year old daughter who spends one afternoon a weekend with us. Unfortunately, we have many, many differences of opinions when it comes to child rearing and also relationships in general. For right now, I have am wondering if I am overly sensitive or if my husband is unreasonable. I should also say that what I am writing about may seem minor, but it is symbolic of our many disagreements. We have 2 vehicles, a 2009 SUV and a 1998 compact. My husband refuses to allow my son drive the SUV and will only let him drive the compact if he contributes to the maintenance of the vehicle. I think this is over the top. Pay for the gas you use, yes, but maintenance, no. My son is a responsible adult who has never caused any problems, never been in accident, has not had any traffic violations, and owns his own vehicle. Now here is my current issue, we are going on vacation and will by flying. My son has agreed to pick up our vehicle from the airport so we do not have to pay parking fees and will pick us up at the airport. However, now my husband is angry at me because I want to drive the SUV as the compact would be very crowded and uncomfortable with our luggage and all. I think that it is ridiculous for us to inconvenience ourselves to avoid having my son drive our SUV. My husbands last comment was that if my son can drive the SUV, then so can his daughter. She doesn’t even have a drivers license, only a learners permit! Our children are not at the same stages in life, and there is a large difference between a 15 year old and a college student. So, am I being overly sensitive in believing my son is trustworthy or is my husband being unreasonable?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When you have a blended family you have to do a lot of compromising and letting go, and whether or not you’re insensitive and your husband is unreasonable is beside the point. What you need to do is make this situation work.

Get out of the power struggle you and your husband are having over your children. Your son has his own car, so why create a big to do over his not being allowed to drive the newer SUV that you and your husband own. If your husband doesn’t want your son to drive the new SUV, then let it go. Don’t get into the details of whether or not your son should or shouldn’t be paying for maintenance, or gas as a condition of using the new SUV. Just let your son drive his own car, and if he needs to borrow one of your cars, let him use the older car. Don’t make an issue of it. Roll your eyes, laugh about it, and understand that everyone has their quirks. Don’t look for a fight where there doesn’t need to be one.

As for your son’s driving you to the airport, take the older car so as to avoid a fight with your husband over something inconsequential. Being squished in a car for an airport drive is a far lower price to pay than having your family fighting.

[Member]

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