[Anonymous]

hi,

After splitting up with a guy i was dating in October, i met a new guy who showed so much interest in me. He would shower me with so much attention and compliments, and we both shared the same interests in movies, animals… everything. It was amazing. He would even tell me why he broke
up with his ex girlfriend of 5years, which was a very personal matter and he had not even mentioned the details to any of his close mates so i thought he was really interested.

But he never proposed. i thought this would come gradually and we began secretly dating. He would call me to every single outing , wake me up every morning with his sweet greetings, he came to church with me for Christmas, although he is not christian etc..It just seemed perfect, and Id long to talk to him every moment we weren’t together. We have common friends, all of them knew there was a spark between us but we never disclosed that we were seeing each other, and we did not give our relationship a name, I thought this would come naturally with time and so with all the attraction between us we started hooking up .I grew really close to him and would tell him all my problems and worries and he would help me feel better.(because we are students studying abroad most of our friends have left back for home and none of my other close friends are here so we got really close….) He would send me like a 100texts everyday and so would I, we knew what the other was doing literally most of the day. He would jump in at my workplace to see me whenever he was free etc …and his behavior just made me feel so loved.

He had just started talking with his ex again, and at first I was a little disturbed by it, but he assured me that nothing was happening there and that she did not have many friends so he started talking to her again. This happened in January.

Everything still continued in the same way between us and was going fine and as usual, until suddenly around march something had changed.. the missing you texts stopped coming and I knew something had changed,he even stopped replying to my messages like he did earlier ever so
promptly.

Then one night i went to another friends party where after getting slightly high I text-ed him that I missed him and that I felt something had changed and that he was not acting the same.
He did not reply to this text I even called him but he never picked my call..I cried that night but consoled myself thinking that he might have just gone to bed early.

The next morning i called him and he sounded annoyed, but he said it was because he was not felling too well. A few hours later he messaged me that he did not like that I had messaged him that
he had changed and told me that i did not have any right to say something like that because I was not his girlfriend and that I was just a good friend to him also that I should not expect much from him. I was so heartbroken but I controlled my hurt and told him that even a friend would confront another friend if they thought something was wrong , he replied saying he did not think he had changed . I cried and cried n cried my heart out alone in my room the whole day (

Later in the night I got a text from him wishing me goodnight DARLING!

I ignored him for a few days, but could not do so for long as I was so in love with him.. I thought truly in my heart that soon he would see.

A few weeks later, we started meeting each other again and things were normal as friends. Because of my strong attraction and feelings for him we even hooked up a few times after that. I would cook for him and he would sleep the night at my place.It was all going smoothly as friends with benefits (although I still do love him and hoping that he will realize how happy we are when we are together and it would soon change)

He has never said he loves me in bed, and I have not either, although I feel it in my heart strongly .I just do not because i do not want to scare him off .

Then he does something even worse…It was his birthday May5th and he had a party and went out with a lot of people, many not even close friends of his, but he managed to leave me out.. I even called him to wish him at 12am that night and he did not let me even have a slight doubt that he was at a party…!! he hid all these details from me for 3days until later I managed to see photos of the celebration online. When i confronted him he said he felt very bad but that it all happened
suddenly and they were very drunk and so it slipped his mind to call me and that his room-mates who are also friends of mine invited a few people who live close by randomly. I was so hurt .I understood that he did not want me as his girlfriend but he had assured me we were good friends…. I did not know what to believe anymore…Was his friendship FAKE TOO???
Does friendship have criteria too????

I even forgave that, and accepted his apology.

However recently his ex is back in his life , She hangs out at his place more and has become friends with the rest of the group too .Initially they started out as friends, but I’m not sure now. Because shes friendly with one particular person in our group, I think he is jealous and suddenly she looks all shiny n new to him again. I think he wants to get back to her now, but she does not want too. She is there at all our group parties and its driving me crazy with all the attention that he gives her…. he hardly even talks to me properly whenever she is around .I cry a lot of nights thinking that any day she might say yes to him n they will get back together, and I will just be left out in the rain longing for him . The worry is driving me mad, the sad part is I like his ex as a person, and we get along real well, also she knows about us 2, and has even told him that she thinks I really love him n that he would be happy with me. But I’m so scared, I don’t think it will be long before she goes back to him.
Before she was back in his life as a friend, I was his constant buddy, he would sms me about his whole day and I would tell him about my whole day too …. now its getting much lesser , and i believe he is trying to get her back real hard, however he is not letting me know because he wants me as his backup to be on the safer side.

I have asked him about what is happening between them and he told me that there is nothing happening there, that they spoke about I and decided it was not the right thing to do .But he keeps putting up these sad status messages on facebook about lost love and being hurt in love etc.

She knows I like him and he let me in on on detail. Apparently she has hooked up with him too after they got back as friends, but has currently stopped all physical relations between them.

I am going absolutely crazy, our situation is so weird….I feel like I have been used and am still being used (the whole time!!! ) and have allowed it blindly hoping it will lead to something better …
This pain I feel is ruining my life. I cant think straight and it keeps me awake crying most of the nights.. I have also begun drinking much lesser with friends and partying because I tend to get very emotional when I drink and though I cry to no-one but myself, the pain I feel when I drink is 10times amplified.

What do I need to understand and how do i deal with this situation.
How do I get over him when we move in the same circle of friends, and a vacation or taking time off from him through a vacation or so is not an option because of work..

Please help me

[Ask April Masini]

You’re making this way too complicated. You’re not being used blindly. You’re being used with your eyes wide open. If you don’t have any self respect, then how can you expect anyone else to respect you? 😯 I’m sorry that that’s harsh, but seriously — what kind of guy dates you, but keeps it secret from everyone else? Answer: a man who isn’t interested in you as more than someone to use when HE wants to use you. That he didn’t even invite you to his birthday party and you STILL continued to hook up with him is pretty lame.

You REALLY need to read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can get at this link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ll learn EXACTLY how to get and keep Mr. Right. Right now, you’re just making matters worse by throwing yourself at a guy who doesn’t want you and then crying yourself to sleep [i]because[/i] he doesn’t want you. It’s pretty self destructive, and because it is, you have to understand that YOU are the only one who can help YOU.

I’m really sorry for your pain, but you need to get yourself OUT of this circle of friends and start branching out on your own and meeting new people who aren’t friendly with this guy. The sooner you start taking care of yourself, the sooner you’re going to start feeling better.

Read Think & Date Like A Man, and let me know if you start feeling better after doing so. And don’t forget to join me on AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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