[atown416]

So when I was 19 my girlfriend became pregnant. Our parents both being Christian families and not wanting to be (shamed) threw together a wedding real quick and made us get married. She was the second girl I had ever slept with ( the other just was just because I wanted to experience) and it was also my first meaningful relationship… My son was 4 months old when I decided I couldn’t take it… She didn’t want me to go anywhere or do anything to myself and I hated it. So I left… And I got into some things that were bad and I really dropped the ball on being there for my son. But for the past 3 years I have held down a good job and straightened up my life and been there for him. I still have supervised visitation which means she is there when I visit him…I deserved that at first, now I could get regular visitation. I am 25 now and have grown up to realize she wasn’t crazy and controlling she was everything a woman should be! over the last few visits ive been having really good times with them and I have fallen in love with her. I never really knew what love is before now but I can’t get her smile,voice, laugh, smell, or any of that out of my head. I have lost all interest in my girlfriend who I thought I loved because I can’t stopping thinking about my ex wife. The problem is she has a very large amount of resentment against me and zero trust because I walked out on our marriage years ago. Any advice on getting her to love me again or is it a lost cause and kharma getting me for walking out on her love?? Lay it on me straight you won’t hurt my feelings. And I know I probably left out details if any are needed let me know.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think it’s a lost cause — but it’s not a quick fix, either. Just keep showing up and keep doing the right thing and keep working to win her over. And keep letting her know that you’re sorry, and you’ve changed, and you want to try to make things work.

In addition, try to come up with something that you think she would want in order to trust you again. For instance, I know you’re only 25, but if you’ve got your ducks in a row, maybe putting your nose to the grindstone and buying a home for the three of you to live in for her, would be the grand gesture that makes her realize things are different now — and you’re not a guy who walks out, but one who puts down roots and makes commitments. 😉

Let me know how things go, and if that resonates for you.

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