[friendsforlife]

There is boy who is one of my closest friends at university (let’s just him X), and we are really close and all. The whole world tells me he likes me and i know it is true because it is if anything, explicitly obvious from his behaviour. He is unbelievably protective, and possessive (I even talk to another guy nd he behaves as if the world has come to an end and does really stupid stuff just to get my attention), he likes to spend every single free moment he has with me any nobody else. If it is anything regarding me he leaves everything and just does whatever he has to make me happy. If I don’t talk to him for a single day he goes bonkers and starts doing whatever he can to make me talk to him again. He even beat up somebody once coz that idiot had made a rude comment about me. He likes to get all touchy like holding my hand or putting his arm around me shoulder or waist while we’re walking, and he’s not that physically comfy with his other female friends. And when we talk he purposely leaves clues to show me that i mean a lot to him. Basically yeah, i thought it was pretty obvious.
We had never really talked about this, and I was fine, but then I thought that before we departed for our summer break, I would use this summer time to think us through so that we have a definite name for our relationship, coz now we’re neither just friends not more than that. But I noticed an alarming change in his behaviour since we left for home.
For two months, he didn’t try to contact me, he never even bothered finding out if I was okay, and if I messaged him, he just replied back in monosyllables likes he was not even interested in talking to me.
He’s not the kind to keep track of how much we interact and neither am I. normally is it just so happens that we couldn’t talk for a few days due to whatever reason, i don’t pay much attention and we just catch up soon enough. but the fact that he didn’t even bother to contact me once during these two months has gotten me thinking what is his behaviour all about?
does he even care about me or not? if not, then why does he behave the way he does during uni. am I just his entertainment source while he’s bored at uni, and the moment he steps out and finds better sources, i’m all forgotten? if he does, then why hasn’t he tried to talk to me even once during this time? it’s not like he’s very busy or something? and anyway how long does it take to leave a message asking how i am?
right now i am considering if i should even hang out with him anymore? I do not understand what to make of his erratic behaviour. and i’m scared if i ask him outright i’ll just scare him off. please help me figure him out and what he wants!! even, assuming that i was wrong to think that he likes me, fine. even then, as a friend is wrong of me to expect that one of my closest friends doesn’t give the out of sight out of mind treatment and to expect some respect of my feelings at least?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]but the fact that he didn’t even bother to contact me once during these two months has gotten me thinking what is his behaviour all about?[/quote]

He’s lost interest in you. 😳

[quote]but the fact that he didn’t even bother to contact me once during these two months has gotten me thinking what is his behaviour all about?[/quote]

He liked you, but not enough to ask you out on a date, and now that you’re not at school any more, he’s not that interested.

[quote]does he even care about me or not? [/quote]

He used to, but right now, he’s not acting as if he is. I think you already know this. 😉

[quote]if not, then why does he behave the way he does during uni. [/quote]

Because he [i]was[/i] interested in you, but as I said, not enough to date you. His behavior was very clear. I don’t think you’re confused, as much as you are disappointed.

[quote]am I just his entertainment source while he’s bored at uni, and the moment he steps out and finds better sources, i’m all forgotten? [/quote]

I wouldn’t put it so harshly. I think you were more than his entertainment source, but the reality is that dating is competitive, and the two of you never dated, and are both single, so you’re BOTH free to look elsewhere for dates, fun and companionship. You’re acting as if he owes you certain behavior, when the truth is, he doesn’t. 🙁

[quote]if he does, then why hasn’t he tried to talk to me even once during this time? [/quote]

Because he doesn’t want to. I know this hurts to hear, but it’s the truth.

[quote]it’s not like he’s very busy or something? [/quote]

He may be busy. He may have met someone he likes and wants to spend time with where he is this summer. He may be dating someone else. Instead of focusing on him, my advice is to focus on yourself, and try to have a good summer without dwelling on what you [i]don’t[/i] have. 😉 Instead, focus on meeting guys to date where you are this summer.

[quote]and anyway how long does it take to leave a message asking how i am?[/quote]

It doesn’t take long at all, and you know it — so it would be wise for you to accept the reality that he’s just not that into you any more.

[quote]right now i am considering if i should even hang out with him anymore? [/quote]

I would suggest you don’t. He never asked you out on a date, and you’ve invested a lot of energy in him because you care about him more than he cares about you. Rather than getting angry at him, you can either move on and find someone who does like you enough to date you, or you can accept the competition that’s all around, try to entice him and flirt with him to get him to ask you out when you do see him in September, or whenever school starts again. 😉

[quote]I do not understand what to make of his erratic behaviour. and i’m scared if i ask him outright i’ll just scare him off. [/quote]

You do understand, but you don’t like it. He’s lost interest in you. He hasn’t asked you out on a date, and you’re right — you should not ask him outright about his behavior — because there is no mystery here. His behavior is sending you a message loud and clear, but you don’t want to accept it. 😕

If you do want to date him, then when you see him, be the woman he is going to want to date. What you were doing wasn’t enough, so you have to amp up your dating skills! 😎 Flirt with him; don’t be so available; and don’t invest your energy completely in him.

[quote]please help me figure him out and what he wants!! even, assuming that i was wrong to think that he likes me, fine. even then, as a friend is wrong of me to expect that one of my closest friends doesn’t give the out of sight out of mind treatment and to expect some respect of my feelings at least?[/quote]

He’s not your friend. That’s a mistake that many men and women make, thinking that they can be friends with a man or a woman — because just like with you, one person always wants more than the other one, and that’s not friendship. He’s actually doing you a favor by not leading you on, so you’re free to make decisions about who you want to date — and I think you should look for men who DO want to date you instead of trying to leverage friendship that doesn’t exist into a romantic relationship. 😉

I know that’s disappointing, but once your process it, you’ll feel a lot freer in your own life.

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