[mhmcdade]

So this might be kind of long, just a warning. I know must be awful having to read so much, but I’ll try my best to shorten it.

There is this gorgeous girl at school I see all the time. From the bus, or just walking around on campus. I went to a night club 3 or 4 weeks ago. I saw her, I’m thinking this is my chance! But sadly, I just don’t have the confidence to approach. I know, I’m getting older and I still have this approach anxiety!! My friend who is gay approached her and started dancing. The girl started laughing and said to him, “It’s my 21st!” My friend walked back to me and said,”It’s her 21st!!!!! go buy her a shot!!” I still have no idea, so my friend goes back up to her started talking, and I’m trying to figure out what hes saying, then I walked up to them saying, “what the..” and she said, “Hah so you’re ___” A good conversation came out of that, it was great! She even said, I see you on the bus! A week later, I got the balls to approach her when she got off the bus. Another good conversation, she was just really willing to chat it up. I told her about some bar that’s has some great deals and that I usually go there often with friends, she asked twice if I’m going.

This is where I feel it went wrong. I added her on facebook the next day, with message that goes with the request, going to the bar? She didnt respond to the message, but accepted my request. A week later, my friend encouraged me to leave her a message and ask her if she would like to join me and some friends at a bar for some drinks. She said that would be cool. Next day, I IMd her on facebook chat, said she could so get me in a club. She responded to that and said how? But not after I said, I dont know, so do you still go to that club? I saw her on bus today, and I’m thinking, I don’t know if I should go for it or not, she didnt respond to my last message. Then my friend, ‘the gay friend’ decided to add her on facebook and write on her wall, and just said “hey!” I’m thinking that’s the worst thing in the world, and she didn’t even respond to it

I feel I’ve ruined it because I’ve walked around looking for her so much at school which makes me look like a stalker, I added her on facebook pretty fast, and I have left her annoying messages on facebook. Do you know what this girl could possibly be thinking? Did I ruin it?
please and thankyou!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What you did wrong was not asking her out on a date. 😳 From her point of view you don’t care or respect her enough put your own anxiety on the shelf, and treat her like she’s special. 🙁 Asking her out on Facebook isn’t going to make any woman feel like you care about them.

Anxiety is pretty normal, but it’s rooted in narcissism. It has to do with a fear of failure and of social embarrassment. The way around anxiety is to realize that you’re not really all that important! 😆 If you can realize that failure or taking a pie in the face, so to speak, is part of life, and everybody goes through it, then your anxiety won’t have so much validity. Your behavior and your character are more important. If you want someone to be a part of your life, you have to decide that you’ll risk your own short term feelings to try and make them feel good!

If you get her phone number and invite her out to dinner (it can be burgers at a nice place with tablecloths) or on a special picnic and a hike — or something that isn’t a casual bar drink — she’s going to get the idea that you’re putting her on a pedestal — and women like that! The other thing they like is a man with confidence, and if she knows you’re willing to risk rejection to get what you want (her!) then she’s going to be more impressed and attracted.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[mhmcdade]

hey thanks, that’s good. I’ll keep all that in mind. But how do I fix all this then? I talk to her on facebook because when I want to see her at school, I never do. Is it best to approach a girl in person? and Do you think she was interested at all when I first talked to her

[Anonymous]

It does sound like she was interested at first, but I think you’re still kind of approaching this the same way as before. Just stop chatting on Facebook unless she initiates, and the next time you see her, say hey, ask if she has a minute, and explain that you’d like to go out. Personally, I think it’s adorable when a guy tells me I make him nervous or he has a hard time talking around me – it shows me he’s willing to be honest despite his embarassment. but feel out the situation for yourself. Just say it – I’d like to take you out to dinner. They’re just words, and you have at LEAST a 50/50 chance, since there are only two answers, but it sounds like she was interested, so I’d say more than that 😉 Worst case scenario: she says no, you walk away having worked up the balls to ask a girl out once, and therefore can do it again. Good luck, and remember that we’re fleshy bags of blood too – no monsters here! No girl is going to rip your head off for asking her out – unless she’s a real jerk, in which case you are much better off not investing time/emotion in her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Re-read my advice — the answers to your questions are all there! 😉

[Member]

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