[conronmon]

About 10 months ago I met a girl in school and we instantly became best friends. I had never thought of her as anything more than a friend until 2 1/2 months ago. Suddenly one day we decided to hangout together at my place. We immediately had sparks and made it known that we both wanted each other very badly. About a week after that she broke up with her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We became very intimate and started hanging out all the time and going on couple dates with our friends. I threw her date nights and she even threw me a date night. About 4 weeks after all this began she freaked out. She told me we were getting too serious and she wasn’t over her boyfriend and she needed to be single to learn to enjoy being alone and to find herself. However, she said she did not want to lose me. I decided to stick around and for the next five weeks we hung out and had fun, but she did things like go on single girl nights with her girlfriends. I started to get annoyed because she flirted with every single guy that showed her attention. She even spent a night alone with one of them and she told me he came on to her and kissed her and told her he wanted her, but she claims she told him to leave because she wanted me. In the last two weeks or so we have opened up to each other a lot. She tells me I am perfect for her and she misses me every second I am not with her, but she is scared to start a relationship with me. She also told me all her friends told her to avoid a relationship with me and be single. She even went out to dinner with another guy who is her “friend” from work a couple days ago. I have spent multiple days in a row at her place, run errands with her, cooked with her, played with her and her dog, etc. I have feelings for her that I have never experienced before so I do not want to give up, but I do not want to be with her when she shows attention to other men. Every second she tells me she misses me, wants to kiss me, and wants to be in my arms and we literally text every second. Does it seem like this girl will ever commit to me or is she too screwed up because of her 3 1/2 year relationship? I want to believe she isn’t playing me because we were such good friends, but I just don’t know!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old you both are, but you seem like you’re on the young side. That means that she’s spent a long portion of her life (3 1/2 years) in a relationship with one man. While there are definitely sparks between the two of you, she doesn’t want to jump from one relationship to the next without really soaking up being single and processing the failed relationship and what she wants next. This has everything to do with the two of you being in two different “places”, emotionally, at the same time.

My advice is that you let go a little bit more and stop investing so much time in her — because she isn’t ready to give you what she wants, and the tease of her liking you, but wanting to play the field, hanging out with friends and not being your girlfriend right now, is going to make you very anxious and upset. I know it’s hard to let go and move on, but I think you should do this because you’re going to feel better if you invest in playing the field, too — and, it will make you that much more attractive to her if you’re not so available, and she’s in danger of losing you to someone else. Right now, she’s got you under her thumb, and I don’t think she’s abusing that situation, but it isn’t serving you.

I hope this helps.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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