[Doug]

Hello April.

I posted here some time ago about my girlfriend leaving me, the post can be found here:
http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=39100

Anyway, it’s been a while since then and some things have changed. For one, she did end up dating this other guy that she was hanging out with after we broke up. However the ended up breaking up only a month into it. And right around the end of it she started really opening up to me again. She said he was too jealous all the time, and got mad for dumb reasons. She told me she still had feelings for me and still loved me…and sometimes she said she missed me. So up until now we have been just talking as friends, casually. We have not seen each other in person though since we have broken up. We have talked on the phone, the computer and texts.

Now heres my problem. When we talk, sometimes she seems super excited and happy to talk to me…and sometimes she will even be affectionate to me. But other times…she seems distant, like she doesn’t care. As for me, I try to be affectionate to her all the time…but it’s like she doesn’t even care that I’m trying. So at one point i just stopped being affectionate to her and just talked to her normally for a few days…and she thought something was wrong, and she got upset and a little mad at me. But I don’t think its fair that she never acknowledges when I’m being nice and affectionate to her, but she wants me to keep doing it.

I don’t understand what she wants. She says that she just wants to be alone for a while, but she still wants to be close to me and she still loves me. Sometimes she will just randomly text me and say things like “i want you to know I’m thinking about you” or “i miss you”.

Then the next day its like she doesn’t care. Now just the other day i asked her if i was wasting my time by waiting around. And she said that she doesn’t know. She basically said maybe. And then I asked her what she wanted me to do…If she wanted me to wait for her….or if she wanted me to just give up on her. I asked her this knowing that regardless of what she said i was still going to wait for her for a while…because i love her.

She told me that she doesn’t think its fair of her to make me wait for her…so she said she wouldn’t blame me if i wanted to move on. She said it would be hard for her to see me with someone else but that she would deal with it.

now her saying that kinda makes me feel like she doesn’t care that much….or she already has her mind made up and shes just not telling me.

So basically she says she still loves me, and that she misses me….but she wants to be alone for a while because she can’t handle a relationship right now.

What should I do? Should I wait for her, and keep showing my affection? But more importantly, what is it that she wants? Do you think she wants me to be there for her and wait?

Thank you for your time, and I apologize for such a long post.

[Ask April Masini]

She is confused, and you’re looking for direction. You’re not going to get more clarity than she’s giving you because her confusion is genuine. She has to go through whatever she’s going through in her own time.

In the meantime, my advice is for you to move on. While she is genuine in any given moment, whether it’s her affection or annoyance, you’re getting the the real her. But what you haven’t quite figured out is that she is no longer a woman who is going to make you happy. She might have been that when the two of you were dating, but people change. Right now you need and want someone more stable and present in your life.

I know you want her to be who she used to be, that’s not going to happen.

Let her go and move forward with YOUR interests at heart. Know what you want in a woman and go for that.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things progress. And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

[Doug]

Ok, thank you for the advice april.

But I do have one more question. What if I make the decision to move on, and she ends up wanting to pursue our relationship again? Because I know that I will always love her, and I will have feelings for her for a very long time…so i know that I would end up wanting to go back to her. But would that be the right thing to do?

[Ask April Masini]

Re-read my advice because it still stands. Your ex-girlfriend is confused. She is going to continue the same pattern of coming on to you then retreating — if you continue your same pattern of getting involved and getting dumped.

If you walk away, she probably will seek you out as she’s already done, and if you get back together with her, she’ll probably tire of you after a while again, as is her pattern. 😳

Eventually, you’ll reach your limit and you’ll feel badly enough about the situation to make a change in YOUR behavior (because you’re not going to change hers — that’s her journey and her business).

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook. I’d really like to have you as a friend there. Here’s the link: [url][/url].

[Author]

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