[pinayinlove]

my ex boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me 2 months ago about trust issues, after a week of that break up we started seeing each other again because he says he wants to work things out and he does not want to lose me and that he still loves me, for the first month of seeing each other was it nice, he’d take me out, call, text, everything that people do in a relationship will still do, this second month its been ok we still see each other and takes me out, but whenever he is with his friends its like i do not exist he does not call or text or sometimes it takes him hours to do so, i do not know how to approach him about this, i tried but he seems to get annoyed or fraustrated, i just dont understand him…. please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[pinayinlove]

we are both 25 yrs old

[pinayinlove]

i really do not know what he wants from me…, he tells me he is observing how i am and acting at the moment to see if i have made changes.., i do not know what to expect from this “seeing” relationship we have, is there anything i can tell him that will get to the point if there will be any future in the long run?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

From what you’ve written me, it sounds like he’s testing you — and frankly, after dating for eight years, if he doesn’t know you by now, he’s got a bigger problem than this relationship. Usually people meet and decide within the first three months of dating whether or not to spend time with each other and at six months, whether or not to become monogamous. Since he’s now “testing you” at the eight YEAR mark 😯 doesn’t make any sense. I don’t buy it.

Since you’ve now told me you’re both 25, the math indicates that you’ve been dating since you were about 18 years old. This means he hasn’t had a lot of other dating experiences, and at his age, it can be normal to want to test the waters. I think his “testing you” excuse is a way to keep you around while he experiments with what’s out there in the field.

My advice is to move on. Some of the problem is that he’s not ready to make a commitment and after 8 years of dating, that’s the necessary move. He doesn’t want to lose your completely, so he’s stringing you along, but this isn’t in your best interest. You’re going to end up being hurt when you realize he’s looking for more dating experiences than what he’s got with you. Don’t take it personally. It’s about him, not you.

I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to move on. I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[pinayinlove]

its been 8 years and the love will just not disappear right away…,he tells me he has not nor planning to date around because he still loves me and that he is not that type of guy to do that, he said he’ll only start dating around if he does not see me and him working out anymore. he seems to be sincere he tells me to trust him that’s why i’m confused about this, he tells me i’m taking things too fast or i’m rushing into dating again,but i do not think i am, i do not know anymore…. why can’t he just tell me the truth that he wants to test waters instead of stringing me along, because he doesn’t want to lose me right? how do i tell him to choose what he wants instead of stringing me along?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you need to read the book I wrote for women, Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. Please buy it and read it. It’s going to help you a lot more than I can here. You need a lot of help understanding how men think and why they do what they do in relationships — and out of them.

I know it’s hard for you to have perspective after eight years with someone, but I hope I can help you with that.

[quote]why can’t he just tell me the truth that he wants to test waters instead of stringing me along, because he doesn’t want to lose me right? how do i tell him to choose what he wants instead of stringing me along?[/quote]

He isn’t telling you the truth because you’re no longer as important to him as you once were, and he’s protecting himself, not you, now. He doesn’t want to lose you completely, but he wants the freedom to explore other relationships with other women. He’s trying to play both sides of the fence and he thinks by giving you the information he has, he’s doing the right thing by giving you a head’s up that the path ahead isn’t all wine and roses for the two of you any more. 😳

As for telling him to choose — you shouldn’t tell him to choose…. YOU have to choose. He’s made his position clear. You’re the one who has to make a decision on what to do next. He’s not going to give you more clarity than he has — and he’s told you and shown you with his behavior that things have changed and the relationship is no longer as important to him as it once was. My advice for you is to move on. If you wait around, you’re going to watch him start to pull away from you little by little or in a push/pull fashion, and you’re going to find out he’s dating other women, and you’re going to feel betrayed. If you leave now, you won’t subject yourself to all that drama and heartache.

I know this is hard. 🙁 You can do it. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts