[Curiousgirl]

Okay so I have been dating this guy for a few months and he isn’t big on emotions or saying how he feels. I get the odd I like where this is going. Your really special and like no one else I’ve ever met. Now keep in mind I am 26 and he is 35 so he is the oldest man I have dated. Since we started dating we have spent every weekend together. Two weekends ago he was helping a friend and they drank so he stayed there and I went to my friends for some drinks. I offered to pay his cab because I haven’t seen him all week and wanted the goods and services. It was late we were both drunk. He declined the offer and said tomorrow. Now like I stated earlier he doesn’t really say cute things ect n is emotionally different from other men I have dated so I told him ok I’m getting over this anyways and he replied saying don’t say that we have fun together. I quickly realized I was just being mean because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and apologized so the night went on I drank with my girlfriend n two guy friends which are gay and we took photos and I posted them online. Next day came he said he was helping his friend again. We barely spoke all week and the weekend came I posted on fb about my costume he txtd asking what it was and I convinced him to come out! I went to pick him up with my sister in law my brother n my girlfriend and he was drunk.he then started to say really weird things which embarrassed me because I said such nice things about him to my sister in law who was meeting him for the first time. He began to say he should hook me up with his friend and that my friend should sit on his lap and other rude things and was being an all around jerk. And then randomly blurted out oh and by the way I thought it was really funny how you posted a picture on your Facebook with your arms around some guy. And when I replied to him with oh with josh my friend that is gay I told u about many times and everyone quickly started to laugh saying ya he isn’t into girls. I asked if he was jealous and he said no as if. Then started cracking jokes about my friend. I then noticed my man who is always groomed was a hot mess beard and all and he pointed it out to make sure I noticed that he was n that he had done absolutely nothing all week aside from work.After all of this he suddenly became sweet and telling me that he knows I love him and if he were to marry anyone it would be me and listing qualities he likes about me! But remember he was drunk. The next day he said something to me with a tone I didn’t appreciate over the phone while with his buddies and I got upset n he called back apologizing asking if there’s anything he can do for me to make it u. Today I sent him a txt asking if he was okay because it seemed like something was really troubling him during the weekend and that if he needed to talk I was here for him and I care about him. (I figured maybe it’s because even tho he rarely sais how he feels he was hurt and acted out) but he blamed it on maybe it was my sons issue at school a few weeks ago or the small problem I had with my car Friday morning, but responded that he cared about me too(to my utter shock) so what does this mean was he really jealous because he does care or am I reading into it to much. I was mad and now that I put the pieces together I’m thinking maybe that’s the reason to his craziness all week??? Am I wasting my time waiting for him to open up, for nothing. How can I get him to open up to me so I’m not so confused on where we stand and how he feels about me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes the answer is right in front of us, and we can’t see it because we’re desperately looking for something else. In your case, after dating this guy for a few months, he’s letting you know that he doesn’t want a commitment, and because you do, you’re looking at everything he says, wondering if there’s some kernel of treasure in it. There isn’t. Take it all at face value. You’re looking for him to open up, but the reality is that you’re really looking for him to make some type of commitment to you, and when he doesn’t, or it’s not consistent, you’re looking for a reason that that absence of commitment is an aberration or a temporary situation. 😕

When he said he likes you too much — he means that he likes you too much to have the type of relationship he wants, which is one that lacks commitment, without feeling guilty. My advice is that instead of looking for something yet to come, or something he’s not revealing, instead, look at what he is revealing with his behavior. If he’s sweet when he’s drunk, but ornery when he’s sober, consider that his sober behavior is more important. If you’re paying his cab fare, or trying to elicit what he isn’t saying, consider stopping that behavior of yours, so you can get a clearer picture of his.

I hope that helps.

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[Curiousgirl]

Makes perfect sense! I think I just needed to hear it! Thank you, I’m going to back away, I deserve more than what I am receiving. I don’t enjoy playing guessing games at 26 with a man who should be much more mature. I myself seem to be making exscused for his behaviour because I’m confused by the give n take he puts me through each and every day! Thanks so much for your help! I’m going to bet that this is the main reason he has never been in a relationship longer than 7 months!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I think you have a good handle on things now. 😉

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