[Seeker]

I’m trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I got out of a bad relationship around 4 months ago, and it left me depressed because it was a miserable relationship and I was played in the end. Well I have been over the particular guy, (extremely dislike him) so my problem isn’t that I still am not over that, but for some reason I still can’t shake the depression I have had since being in that relationship. Even though before the relationship I was lonely and seeking male attention, I wasn’t so depressed and insecure as I am now…I was fine before it happened, and you’d think that after 4 months of being out of it and away from the person would make you feel better, and I do in some areas, but generally, I’m depressed, I feel lonely/needy and insecure. Like worthless, sad, craving attention and things. These are separate issues I’m going through, that I’m throwing together, btw. Well anyway, there was a man who showed me attention right after that bad thing ended, and I immediately fell for it even though I never actually acted on it or gave in (I think he is a player so I don’t bother). Basically, I would love to give into his advances of going out and catching rides with him (he’s different and I love the attention), but instead, being a smart woman, I reject it knowing it isn’t going to be good for me in the long run, knowing it isn’t genuine, so I am forced to say no, but in the back of my mind really really want it. And so when this happens, or after seeing him or whatever, I feel real depressed and down.

Today it happened and after, I felt like crap, cuz I coulda had someone to keep me company, a man who seems interested, but I had to reject it, and it sucks…this happens often…One day I almost cried. I know I have issues, but Idk what they could be. I feel like I’m always looking for a possibility that a guy is into me, and if I just get a glance, a constant, admiring glance, that alone makes my day. Just knowing that a guy is into me to the point where he is admiring me from afar makes me happy, makes my day. The smallest thing like that, I crave…I know I don’t wanna be in a relationship because I’m young and need to be free, experience life, I want to experience men and different situations before getting into another horrible, miserable, tied down relationship. That’s what I want, but at the same time I feel I do need attention, a man’s attention (or men?) in my life, and without it I feel incomplete lonely, sad and unworthy. I know I have huge security issues and that I am not ready for a relationship because I’m not happy with myself yet, I know that and I’m working on it with my therapist, but I still am depressed, lonely and confused. Is this just simple depression? Is it something normal that happens after a breakup? Am I supposed to be healed already though seeing as how it’s been 4 or so months? Is it a phase mostly all young adults face in their early stages of their lives? Is this normal and what exactly is wrong with me? Is it just me and it’s something I will face for a while? Please help…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how long the relationship you ended four months ago lasted. It’s normal to feel blue for four months after a long term marriage ends — or even after a long relationship ends, but if it’s anything under a year, four months of depression post break up is a long time.

My first piece of advice is to get a physical and make sure you’re in good health. Sometimes a physical ailment can cause depression and you’ll need a doctor’s help to take care of any of those challenges, so go get a check up! 🙂

Second of all, one of the first laws of dating is that you attract what you put out. If you put out a cheerful smile, you’ll get one back. If you put out depression, you’ll get a depressed or predatory guy back. So understand that if you walk around dreary and blue, you’re not going to attract Mr. Right.

Third, it takes baby steps to get out of the doldrums. Do something nice for yourself each day — or each half day. A manicure or an exercise class will probably make you feel better and when you feel better, you project happiness — and that’s what you pull in.

You’ll also get a lot out of reading Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. It has a lot of tips and advice that is well organized and easy to process, so buy the book and read it — and take the advice. Your life will turn around. Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

Let me know how things go and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

It was a 2 year relationship, an emotionally intense, unstable, miserable relationship. The guy I was with was very unstable and so the relationship was horrible, sickening and unhealthy. I’m not sad because it’s over, I’m very happy it’s over and I do not like him in any way whatsoever…I’m sad and angered at the way it happened, the way I was treated and my wasted time for all the things I said, did put in and spent for 2 years. But this isn’t about that, I was just making sure it was clear that I am not sulking because I am not over someone I don’t even like. The impact and influence the person/relationship had on me has lingered for a long time and it won’t go away and I’m wondering if that’s normal and when it will go away. I used to be fine, content, happy…I’m not a sad person nor was I, I’m not a miserable, negative person, (I don’t walk around that way, I’m shy and quiet) but I was willing to listen to someone’s problems because I felt needed, like I had a purpose, like I was doing something… & it was a mistake…anyway, I love life and want to have the time of my life…I am even still optimistic of my life moving forward and my future goals even in the midst of my current sadness. I’m actually pretty perky. But after that had happened, I became depressed, and now everything seems to be effecting me…making me sad…it’s abnormal & confusing for me. I’m trying to understand it and get back to normal self.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that the advice I gave you in my last post will help. Try it! 😉

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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