[nikkii_07]

I’m a 23 year old mothe of two who has been with the father of my children for almost 6 years now. For the past two years, things have been rocky. He has a bad temper (has never harmed me) and goes off and acts ridicoulous about the simplest things. I cannot stand the way he acts sometimes. I dont have the desire to have sex with him or anything anymore and I’m not sure why. Like I said we have 2 kids together plus I am raising his 6 yr old son, whom we have had custody of since he was 6. His mother barely see’s him.
But, my bf and I fight a little, its just the way he acts that gets to me, but I do love him. He supports us, I’m physically unable to work so I stay at home with the kids. If I were to leave him, I wouldnt have anyway to support my children. I just dont know what to do & I dont want my children in an enviroment of arguing and temper fights. ANy advice?

Thanks!

[AskApril Masini]

You’ve really introduced two subjects: your financial dependence, and your desire to change your relationship. If you see your financial dependence as a problem, then my advice is to address it. I don’t understand why you can’t work, but you can take care of three young children. Many people would tell you that taking care of three young children IS work, and qualifies you as a nanny or babysitter or someone who can work part time at a daycare center with children. In addition, there are many jobs you can do from home, so without details, it really does seem that if you don’t want to be financially dependent, there are ways to solve that problem. 😉

You haven’t mentioned what your boyfriend gets angry about or why he gets angry, and what the extent of his bad temper is. I’m not sure if he’s someone who’s dangerous, or just a guy who isn’t getting any sex, feels put upon because he has to support his girlfriend and his kids, and loses his temper now and then. So if you can elaborate a little about his temper, and what your part in the fights are, I can help you further.

As for sex, I’m not sure how old you are or how old your kids are, but if you’re tired or post partum in any way, you’re not going to have much of a sex drive. However, sometimes we all have to do things that don’t come naturally to us, and if having sex with your boyfriend makes him lose his temper less, then it seems like the solution is right in front of you! 😉 Or, you can try to get in the mood to have sex — I have lots of tips on that subject, too — but that is if you want to address it.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[nikkii_07]

Well first, I’m 23 years old. The reason I’m unable to work is bc I have severe scolioisis, epilepsy & a cyst on my spine. My scoliosis is so severe that treatment is useless and surgery is an option although not a guarenteed fix.
As for my boyfriend, he gets mad over the smallest things, if the kids spill a drink, if they make a mess, if he messes something up or does something wrong, even if he hurts himself. He just explodes, screaming, cussing, pounding his fists on things etc. He knows he has a temper problem and we believe he is bi polar. His doctor gave him meds for it and it did help, we all could see a difference. But now he won’t take it, he says he don’t need it.
As far as sex, no I dont want to have sex.. but I do just to please him. If I’m sick or don’t feel like doing it, he will go off bitching and acting like a baby. When he goes off screaming and throwing one of his tantrums, I normally say stuff like “Its not that big of a deal, just chill out” or “God, calm down its not that bad”… I normally don’t raise my voice unless he really upsets me.
Our son goes to school during the day, so I just have to take care of our daughter who is good child so it’s not a problem. Taking care of my kids isn’t hard, they are at the age where they aren’t so dependent. But as far a working, it’s not an easy task. I cannot stand for but short periods of time, nor can I sit too long. Plus, I have the epilepsy and other things.. I would love to work, I think it would make me feel better. I’m just unsure what to do. I’ve tried talking to him, pretty much give him ultimatiums such as if he dont stop with the temper, he’s gonna have to leave etc. I just don’t want my kids to be around the stuff. But, they love their Daddy dearly, especially my son. They would be devastated if their daddy weren’t here with them.

Thanks again!

[AskApril Masini]

Yikes! It really sounds like your medical problems require a better solution than you have now. Lots of people with epilepsy live normal lives, and while I’m not a doctor, it really sounds like you need better medical attention than you’re getting and better solutions. You wrote that you can’t stand for long periods of time and you can’t sit for long periods of time — and you’re only 23 years old. 😕 It really sounds like you need a support situation that your doctor can help you with. That you wrote me complaining that you don’t feel like having sex is understandable. If you can’t sit, stand, have a cyst on your spine, and have other medical issues, no wonder you’re not feeling sexy. Again, this really feels like a medical issue that your physician should be addressing.

As for your boyfriend, if he was diagnosed as bi-polar by a physician and prescribed medication that he refuses to take, he’s not going to be able to be a good father or boyfriend to you because he’s not taking care of himself. 😕 People have to take care of themselves before they can be in healthy relationships. 😉 And if his temper is a result of his refusal to take his medication, this isn’t a good situation for you or your kids.

I know you don’t want your kids to be around their father when he’s blowing up, cursing and losing his temper so easily, but you also don’t want to the kids to be away from him because they’ll miss him. In other words, you want things that are conflicting. No wonder you’re confused. 😳

My advice is to take care of your health first. Then, if your boyfriend won’t take care of his, you need to move on and create a safe and healthy environment for you and the kids and make sure that when he does see them, he doesn’t blow up in front of them. When you take care of these issues, I think that your problems will become simpler and the road to happiness in a relationship will become more clear for you. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[nikkii_07]

I agree.. and with my scoliosis there isnt much doctors can do besides surgery that isnt guaranteed to fix. Doctors have said I have the worse case they have ever seen in someone my age. But anways, I agree with everything you said and I really appreciate your advice! Your awesome!

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. I wish you good luck! 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts