[mayapii]

Hello,
I have this sort of issue that I have been thinking about for a long time and I am sort of clueless what I should do.

I have a crush on a guy who was my work collegue for a year and also a successor for my position. For last three months we spent really a lot of time working together to prepare him for his job. At the beginning it was very senior-junior like relationship and work-centered, however as we spend really a lot of time together we got closer and I believe we have sometimes more than friendly relations together. He pats my head, pinches me in the cheek and ocassionaly shows that he might like me as well, however he does not iniciate anything too much. (not even online conversation)

We used to spent a lot of time together during transition, now just rarely unless it’s work, Ocassionally we hang out with group of our friends where he is not so shy and there we can conversate together for hours only two of us, however it’s kinda difficult to have a totally private time with him. Firstly, Lately he’s also very busy (as he took my position) and secondly, he usually takes distance from other people, keeps his cool image and don’t open easily so I find it difficult to approach him, even if we’re on very good terms and can do silly stuff together.

I was wondering of what to do with him, since I am afraid that asking him out might be too straigtforward which could ruin also our relationship as for most of time, we keep our conversation job-related and then move to other things. We don’t work together anymore however he still view me as his senior and a person who will help him when in need.

What could I do to move our relationship a bit further?
Thank you for any advices or sharing the similar experience!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Two things:

First: You’re in a friend zone type of relationship with him, only it’s not friends, it’s colleagues. You’re in the work colleague-zone. To get out of it, you have to flirt with him and show him that you’re interested in a relationship beyond what you have. You’re absolutely right not to have a conversation about your feelings. That’s just awkward and will make him feel pressured if he’s not sure or not ready. Instead, flirt. Smile, joke, compliment and ask questions of him about things outside of work — for instance, ask him about a restaurant, a neighborhood, a band, his family, college friends — any of these topics which will turn conversation towards the social and personal, and not work.

Second: Since you’re his superior, you have to be extremely careful to not put yourself in a position where your interest is seen as sexually harassing. This is the power dynamic where law suits start. Keep your interest as much outside of the office as possible, and don’t pressure him ever or trade promotions or work favors for social ones — or even allow the perception of such.

Hope that helps! 😉

[Member]

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