[lala2003]

Hello. I need some advice. I may be losing my control and i’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up but there’s still a tiny bit of hope in me and I’m scared it’ll break my heart again, I mean for the past few days I’ve been trying to get it together and now i feel im going back to square 1.

So there’s this guy i like and he liked me back too and things went great until a month ago. Things went downhill,there was less communication,he started getting distant and was well done with me.He never said it but i assumed it cause of his behaviour. He later did tell me that nothing was happening between us right now,we were barely talking ,we werent dating and we barely met one another and that we were friends. I tried my best to think of him as a friend but my feelings wouldnt go away and i was giving myself false hopes probably. So i finally told him i still liked him and that it was hard for me to see him as a friend. i told him i had almost zero expectations cause i knew he was done with me but i couldn’t help it and i had to tell him.
he replied asking me why i was so sure that he was done which troubled me. i told him it was cause of the way he’d been acting and the way things were. i told him i wasnt sure and i wish he wasnt done with me and that things could work out better but i had no idea about how he felt and i had no intention of forcing him to feel the same way as I did. i told him i was alright with him being done.
he continued the discussion asking if i’d be here and how a relationship would work out between us and about the future,something which i hadn’t even thought of and it wasnt necessary at that moment because i wasnt asking for a relationship. he told me he didnt want any risks right now and his prev relationship ended bad and it left a mark on him. i told him i wasnt asking for one and all i was telling him were my feelings and how its tough for me to see him as a friend. i told him i wasnt forcing him to be with me and it wasnt something to be discussed right now.All i wanted to know were his feelings and if he was done with me? i prepared myself for the worst cause i had a feeling.
but he said he didnt know anythng and he didnt have time to think and sort out things after the exams.he said he didnt want to fool or play around giving me false hopes. he said he wanted some time to think as his judgement was clouded.
i didn’t expect this at all.i was prepared for a no but now i don’t know. i agreed and told him to take his time but if he was unsure i told him not to force himself.
I’m keeping like zero expectations,I’m trying really hard but what does he mean by wanting some time? I mean could he have not realized he’s done or is he re thinking? he said he didn’t like someone new or something like that. I’m really confused and I’m starting to lose control again.

Thank You

[AskApril Masini]

Fill me in a little more so I can give you the best advice. 🙂

How old are you both? How did you meet? Have you met in person, or is this an online only relationship? Have you dated? What’s the time frame — how long have you known each other, and when did things become romantic? Or did they?

I’ll look out for your answers!

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[lala2003]

We are around 20 and we study in the same college. We meet through mutual friends at a party around three months ago. Nope it’s not an online thing,we meet often. We didn’t date cause we barely knew each other and we weren’t ready. Yes things were pretty romantic till around a month ago. he stopped saying that he liked/loved me. The last decent continuous conversation we had was almost a month ago when he said we’d try and make things work between us and then suddenly he stopped interacting or wanting to do anything or wanting to converse and it scared me cause history was repeating itself. i really want to know what went wrong which he hasn’t said yet or maybe he doesn’t know.There’s like zero communication as to what happened suddenly and it makes it harder to try and rectify it.Whatever possible problems were there and that i knew off i told him we could tackle it or rectify it but It’s like hes lost in some world and doesn’t realize whats happening. It’s been after a long time that i have liked someone so i really want to save it but now i feel it’s probably too late now.
And how much is “some time”?

[AskApril Masini]

Okay, thanks! I think I’ve got the picture: It sounds like you’re both 20 and in college and met 3 months ago. You are not dating, but you feel that there is romance between you, only about a month ago, he lost interest and has cooled his attention to you, and you’re upset about it.

When a guy loses interest, and you want it back, you have to get it! Talking to him about what’s wrong is the wrong tact to take. 😕 Guys HATE “the talk” and the things he’s said to you sound like ways to let you down gently. When a guy says one thing, but does another, and the two don’t jive, trust Instead of talking, flirt with him. Be the woman he wants so he’ll want to spend time with you. 😉

The other thing that’s looming is that he may have been interested in dating you and may not have gotten the signal from you that you were interested in that, and so he moved on.

And finally, you should adjust your expectations. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean they’ll like you back. 😉 Of course, the same is true the other way around. You may not like someone who likes you, too! If this is the case, then try to find a way to understand that although you’re not someone he’s interested in, you can move on and find someone who IS interested in you! 😀

Hope that helps

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[lala2003]

Oh okay. Thank You so much for your advice. Yeah I did kinda realise he was trying to end it gently but by saying he wanted some time to think makes me feel like maybe he’ll come around and I don’t want to feel that cause I know he won’t and it’ll break my heart. He still hasn’t said anything though and I don’t think he will. I feel I may have acted rather impulsively and might have made the wrong move.

[AskApril Masini]

Not everybody has the tools to end things in a straightforward way, so you have to look for clues, sometimes. His behavior is a great clue. For future, a rule of thumb is that if a guy really likes you, he’ll ask you out on a date. If he doesn’t ask you out on a date, he’s not that into you. Of course, there are lots of nuances, but it’s a good one to hold onto if you’re confused. 😉

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