[Anonymous]

My Ex and i were together two months, he promised he’d be there forever we were talkin about marrige and kids, i gave him my virginity and yesterday he said he didnt want me anymore, he has too much goin on in his life atm and he cnt do the relationship because he doesnt wanna bring me down with him hes pushin me away he couldnt even tell me this to my face, he still msgs me when he cnt sleep or durin the day when he wants to see what im up to, he has said i need to change n tht he can see im changing for him and the day b4 we broke up he asked me for a hug which he has never done b4, he said i motivated him to do something with his life, he said i was the girl he could see himself marrying i love him and i want him back without him im depressed n feel like killing myself i cnt imagine my life without him

[Anonymous]

I am so very sorry to hear that. DON’T Kill yourself, trust me he is not worth that. That is terrible what he did to you, I don’t know what his problem is. But, I know that is not love for sure.. He sounds like he needs to grow up and realize that it’s not right to talk marriage with someone and then just expect them to understand when they don’t have the same goals as you. All the junk about him not being ready and you changing his life for the better. I don’t think YOU need to change a bit, it sounds like he is the on
that needs to do some changing to me. Also, sounds like he is the one loosing by not wanting you. The boy wants his cake and eat it too. Wants you on the side, but not wanting to actually invest into a relationship. You have a couple of options though. One give him his space, even though I know it’s painful. Obviously he still needs you on some levels or he would not be messaging you throughout the day. OR you can try your very best to keep as busy as you can and surround yourself with friends to attempt to forget him. I can see you deserve better than him, but I am sure everyone is telling you that and that doesn’t help you a bit right now…. Give him some time and make EVERY effort to put some distance between you and him however hard that may be. You DO your very best to control the distance too. Like don’t text him back right away, you are NOT at his beck and call and he needs to know that he’s hurt you. He also needs to know that you CAN and WILL function without him. I am sorry, I am going through a VERY similar situation myself and should probably be taking my own advice, especially since I have a BS in Psychology. Read my post if you want to hear what’s happening to me if you get curious. But, really good luck. I know you will make it through this, no matter how hard it may be. Please, honestly ending your life is NOT worth this.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, if you are seriously suicidal, please call a suicide hotline immediately. If you think that you are going to hurt yourself or are having thoughts of hurting yourself, make that call now.

If you’re (relatively) okay then understand that your depression and disappointment at giving yourself to this man who then rejected you is understandable and justified. I’m not sure how old you are, but losing your virginity to a man you thought you’d marry means that for you, this giving up your virginity to him meant something profound and important. You have integrity in what you intend with your body and your heart. Don’t lose that integrity just because one guy didn’t match your character. You may have lost your virginity, but your character is growing and that’s not a finite thing.

Please remember that regardless of his behavior or rejection, the fact that you intended your virginity as a gift to the man you thought you’d marry was still important and you had very, very good intentions. Just because he didn’t pan out the way you’d hoped doesn’t mean that the act or your gift to him was any less pure or well meaning. You didn’t do anything wrong. You got hurt because you were inexperienced and human, and didn’t see that this guy wasn’t going to stick around long after he got your virginity. Unfortunately, there are people out there who aren’t interested in the same things you are — whether it’s marriage or monogamy or living a certain kind of life. Your job as a woman (and this goes for men, too! 😉 ) is to be discriminating and balance keeping an open heart with being protective of yourself when it comes to choosing a date or a life long partner.

Look in the mirror and see how much you have to offer a man. It is worth doing the work to make sure you wind up with someone deserving of your character. You are resilient and you WILL get through this bump in the road, as well as all the others that come with adult life (and you should buckle up now, because the road can get bumpy! 😆). Go get yourself a milkshake and a night out with your girlfriends to get over the hurt and to share your disappointment, and celebrate the fact that you are getting over this and moving on.

This guy is not important, but your growth is.

I hope that helps.

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