[chichi14845]

Up until yesterday, I would have told you I had the best relationship on earth. I fear that I have caused irreversible harm to my relationship and now I;m at a loss of what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and he is the only person I have ever loved or been with. We are 34 years old, so we have been together a long time. i am happy, I think he is too and I love the life we have built together. I believe we are the loves of each others lives.

I know it sounds ridiculous and its actually a little embarrassing, but occasionally I wrote poems or songs or ideas to write about and i store this on my ipad in the notes section. my writings don’t always mean anything or always come from personal experience. I read on pinterest about writing exercises and i frequently draw my ideas/themes from songs, movies, characters, people I know, stories I have heard and some of them are made up. In the exercises, you create a back story, or continuation. several of the writings dealt with loss of a love, regret about choices etc. etc. Again, these are not from my personal experiences.

My boyfriend saw these writings and now thinks I cheated on him and thinks id rather be with some lost love. None of this is the case. From his perspective I see where he is coming from, and I’m embarrassed of what I wrote and that I write in the first place.

I told him the truth and tried to explain that they don’t mean anything and they are not from my personal experiences. he doesn’t believe me and thinks they are too specific and too specific to my life.

I don’t know what to do. I tried apologizing and explaining, but he keeps wanting me to tell me about this affair that I never had. He doesn’t believe me. I’m afraid i ruined our great relationship. I’m upset that he wont accept my explanation and that he thinks so low of my character. its not like we are teenagers or just met. We have been together a long time. the most heartbreaking thing of all is that i hurt him and he thinks I don’t value the life we have and that Id rather be with someone else.
Even if we get past this, I worry he will always have that thought. He is the love of my life, my only love, and I don’t know how to handle this situation. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to be scrupulously honest with him. The worst thing you could do is to make up a story that isn’t true, to try and protect him — because if he even believes the made up story, he’ll find out later you lied, and will think you lied to protect some dark secret. So come clean and tell him that you’re a writer who is exploring creativity, and that means that what you write about isn’t necessarily what happened in your real life. You can point out all the wonderful stories — horror, fiction, romance and espionage — that writers didn’t experience, but researched, used their creative, and created without living those lives. If you get stuck in a corner, remind him that lots of men (probably him, included), look at porn — and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve cheated on their women. 😉

Now, here’s the hard part. He may not be someone who can be with a creative person. He wouldn’t be the first person who said they didn’t want to marry — let alone date an artist, whether it’s an actor, writer or painter — for very good reasons. It doesn’t mean that either one of you is wrong. But it may bring up an incompatibility that didn’t occur to you before you grew into this person you are now.

Many of us have old boyfriends who we loved with all our hearts — but found weren’t the people we wanted to grow old with because of some incompatibility. Love is great, and you can love many people in you life, but it doesn’t mean the one you love is going to be a great life partner for you.

You have to play this through and face your fears, otherwise it’s going to get complicated and messy. Be honest.

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