[Stevep]

Met girl playing world of warcraft. Im divorced, she going thru 1. I have to sons which i raised on my own,no help from x. She has 2 sons,I buy her a plane ticket to visit me,fell thru,said she was worried i wouldn’t like her,has little extra weight but i find it extremely sexy. i love everything about her. Been to visit her going on 10 times since feb of 2015,flown her to me twice,one of those times i flew her kids into. Taken her to vegas and just recently we did an Alaskan cruise,my worries are i get chewed out for everything, ima be a little discret,when we are together sexually and dont get happy,i get chewed out cause i dont find her attractive in her mind,Alaska cruise, she say senery was beautiful but worst vacation ever and but i didnt give her enough attention, i was stressing about this trip,booked it last year and economy went to crap this year for my business and in order to go on the trip and pay for on board expenses i took my house payment money and used it. She dont understand that not knowing the costs on board and wondering if youll have enough to cover trip when you port is so stressful, my mind was not there. Ive only barely nipped the surface here,ive gotten chewed out for closing car door for her. Because i had never done it before. How do you speak your mind to someone you feel you truly love without hurting them. Ive done so much for this person and her kids,birthdays,Christmas, you name it. I get my ass chewed everytime i start to express myself. This woman is smart,funny beautiful and a hard worker,does not ask for nothing,what do i do?

[AskApril Masini]

She may be smart, funny and beautiful — but she’s not very nice. 😕 You’ve been doing a lot for her, and she’s been disrespectful and not very gracious. You can do better. Next! 😉

[Stevep]

Yeah I know,here’s my problem. When not in got divorced and I got custody of my 2 boys I never dated, I raised my kids with no help from my x or anyone else. Now in saying that,did I screw up by not dating. She knows my past and it’s hard for me to trust. Life was much easier single but lonely. How do I know she really loves me? How do I read between the lines? I used to sing to her every night and we would fall asleep on the phone with each other. Don’t happen any more. If I had more room to text I’d give you more. I’ve gotten my ass chewed for closing a car door for her when she got into the car. Beings we live states away,I don’t ask for much,I like honesty,and to chat in evenings and little texting during day. Not bad I think.

[AskApril Masini]

I think my advice last time was pretty clear, but I’m happy to answer your new questions:

[quote]How do I know she really loves me? How do I read between the lines? [/quote]

She does not act like she loves you, and there are no lines to read between. She’s very clear in the way she is disrespectful to you. Besides, she’s married. Why not find someone in real life to date, who is single, available, kind, respectful and healthy. This woman isn’t any of those. 😳 It’s your life, and you get to choose who you bring into it when it comes to dating. Why not choose someone you can see as a step-mother to your boys? They deserve better than this. 😉

[Stevep]

Thank you,you are right.just because you tell someone you love them don’t mean crap.

[AskApril Masini]

Well….. using the L word can be precious — or it can be cheap if it’s used carelessly. 😉

[Sally]

You clearly care about her, and no one can say you haven’t shown that. You’ve given time, money, effort, and love not just to her, but to her kids too. That matters. But love shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly bracing yourself for the next blowup. Right now, you’re walking on eggshells, and that’s exhausting.
Being corrected, criticized, or chewed out every time you try to explain yourself isn’t healthy communication. It slowly teaches you to stay quiet just to keep the peace, and that chips away at your confidence. Stress, money pressure, long distance, and responsibility are already heavy enough without feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough.
You’re not failing because you can’t say things “the right way.” The bigger issue is that she doesn’t seem able to hear your feelings without turning it into an attack. Gifts, trips, and sacrifices don’t buy emotional safety. You shouldn’t have to earn kindness.
At some point, you have to ask yourself a hard question: does this love feel safe, or does it feel like work you’re scared to mess up? That answer matters more than how much you love her.

[Tara]

This woman controls you. She chews you out because it works. Every time you explain, justify, or shrink, you teach her that berating you gets compliance, money, trips, silence, and self-betrayal. You’ve trained her perfectly.

You didn’t “stress her out.” You drained your own financial stability to impress someone who still called the trip the worst vacation of her life. Read that again. You risked your house, your peace, and your future, and her takeaway was that you didn’t worship her hard enough. That’s not love. That’s entitlement with teeth.

You’re scared to speak your mind because every time you do, she punishes you. That’s not sensitivity. That’s conditioning. You’re walking on eggshells like a man who’s forgotten he’s allowed to exist without permission.

You say you love her. What you actually love is the idea of being chosen after working yourself raw. You confuse sacrifice with devotion and tolerance with strength. Meanwhile, she sets the rules, moves the goalposts, and keeps you permanently on trial for not being “enough” despite everything you give.

Here’s the part you won’t like: your generosity isn’t noble anymore. It’s a weakness. Not because giving is bad, but because you’re giving to someone who disrespects you and then blaming yourself for bleeding.

How do you speak your mind without hurting her? You don’t. You speak your mind and accept that if it “hurts” her, that’s the cost of truth. If she explodes, guilt-trips, or attacks your character, that’s your answer. A woman who loves you doesn’t punish honesty. She doesn’t rewrite reality to make you the villain for having limits.

[Member]

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