[Zee]

Hi April,
I fell in love with a guy 3 years ago but then got told he was married. We had a bit of a fling in that time, but due to his marital status it was put to end. We’ve been best friends ever since, worked together and he has been my boss for almost 3 years. Since my divorce 4 years ago, I’ve had bad experiences with relationships so understand my scepticism in giving my all to a guy again. This guy I’m referring to literally knows EVERYTHING about me and EVERYTHING I’ve been through and vice versa. A couple of months ago we had a moment where we both realised that the feelings we had 3 years ago for each other are still there. On the other side “this guy” who I’ve known for 3 years announced that he was getting divorced. Partly because of his personal relationship not working and secondly because he felt that he doesn’t want to throw away the opportunity of spending his future with me.
So this is where my concerns come in: Seeing as we”ve always been there as friends for each other I am supporting him wherever I can and trying not to get too involved in his matters regardless of my personal feelings. Am I doing the right thing by not getting physically or romantically involved with him until his divorce is final? How do I know when will be the right time to pursue a future with him or do I wait? And even though I know where is heart and commitment is, is it unfair of me to wonder why he still has his wife on his profile picture on facebook?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Because you say you’ve had bad dating experiences since you divorced, four years ago, why not go for a good one? It sounds like you’re just going to repeat that bad dating experience pattern here. This guy is married. He was married when you dated him three years ago, and he didn’t leave his wife for you. In fact, the opposite occurred. He left you for his wife. 😕 Now, you’re interested in pursuing a relationship again, and you’re wondering if he’ll leave his wife this time, when he tells you he will, but still has her on his social media as his wife. The simple answer is that he’s not available. You’ll have a much better experience looking for someone who’s single and available. I know it’s tough and it’s a lot easier to date people you already know, or have dated, because they’re familiar and sometimes less scary because they’re familiar. Well, the good stuff in life doesn’t come easy. It comes after smart dating and doing the work. So, my advice is to play the field and find someone who’s available. If this guy ever does divorce, then he’ll be available, but right now, he doesn’t look like a good bet or investment of your time. 😉 I hope that helps.

[Sundus]

The guy is claiming he’s getting a divorce, but his wife’s photo is still right there on his Facebook. Please. This ‘divorce’ is only happening in his words, not in reality. Until that photo is removed, face the facts: you’re just a ‘side project’ providing him with some office entertainment.
And I agree with Ask April that find someone who is truly single, wasting time on that person is a “bad investment”.

[Cassian Rowe]

You both have a rare question, and you both genuinely know each other with all the baggage and past. Right now, his divorce is not final, and you are holding back from physical and romantic involvement. That’s the good choice. because it protects your self-respect and dignity.
Wait until the divorce is final before taking any step or decision. Observe all things with patience, and at that point, intentions and commitment will be fully clear. Respect your feelings and don’t rush decisions because this ensures long-term clarity and trust.

[Member]

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