[Selvia]

I am a college student, dating someone [online] who is relatively older than me. Towards the beginning of our relationship, I made it clear I was not looking for happily-ever-after, as I intend to get a Ph.D and will be in college until he’s in his early-mid 30’s- far too long to be in a long distance relationship, in my opinion. However, I am very much in love with this person, and have no desire to be with anyone else at the moment (I could also be fine single, once i got over him). I made it clear to him that this was not going to be long-term, and he accepted that and we agreed to enjoy what we have for now, and move apart when the time is right.
The problem is that he still makes comments about us living together, being married, being a family etc that make me uncomfortable. Even though I’ve made it clear what I want, and don’t want, am I making the wrong decision staying with someone who clearly wants this to be long-term, when I don’t?

[AskApril Masini]

Got it. You’re 20 and he’s 26 and you’ve known each other for a year, but haven’t had a date yet because you live in different parts of the world. I think that since you’re not dating in person, what’s said between you online or on the phone isn’t as important as if there had been a real life date or a series of real life dates. At age 26, if he hasn’t dated you in real life yet, after a year, chances are he’s into fantasy. If you love him, and the online/long-distance/no-real life aspect of this relationship, why not simply overlook his fantasizing about a future together? You can correct him if you want, but since there is no in life dating, it’s not like his fantasizing has a good chance of becoming reality. Especially since you’re not into “happily ever after,” and have told him so. The other piece of advice I’d offer is: why not look for someone to date who’s available to be with you in person? Since you’re going to be an academic student for the next decade, and colleges and universities are full of single people who are available to date, take advantage of this great situation you’re in! 😉

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