[wer45]

My girlfriend and I have been talking now for 4 months and overall things have been pretty good. Shes sweet, and she does things to show me she really wants to be with me. But sometimes she lies about things that make no sense to lie about. Last night was a great example. I took her to the city to see the fireworks and we had a great time. Her best friend calls while were sitting there waiting for them to start and starts making her feel bad because they haven’t seen each other much recently. I took her to a nice overlook to watch them and this was supposed to be the romantic part of our night and I didnt want it to be ruined. So I asked her (nicely and in a laughing manner) to get off the phone because the fireworks were about to start. It takes a few minutes but she tells her friend she has to go and her friend gets mad at her and gets off. I can tell shes a little upset but I try to lighten the mood as we watch the fireworks. After they’re over her friend calls and they talk some more and this happens 2 or 3 times along the way home just calling to tell her the same things she told her the last so many calls. My girlfriend even ignored one of them. We had plans for her to come stay over but she had to stop home and get clothes. So when we got to her house she said shed be like 5 minutes. I asked her if she needed help grabbing anything and she told me no its ok she doesnt want to wake her mom up. Her phone was hooked up to the radio in my car and as soon as she got inside it said talking on the radio, meaning she was making a call. I let it go and once 10 minutes went by I call her and asked her what shes doing in a joking way to not sound too overbearing. She said had to go to the bathroom. I jokingly said yeah yeah you were on the phone with her friend. And she lies and says she wasnt on the phone. I told her how it came up on my bluetooth and she said well she did talk to her but it was only for 2 seconds and then I called. Which I also know is a lie because like I stated before I waited 10 minutes before I called and she was on the phone within seconds of walking in. Also, if her friend would of called her first it would of came up incoming call on my bluetooth. It said talking which means it was outgoing. So anyway another 10 minutes went by and she comes running out to the car and says she has bad news. Her mom yelled at her and told her she has stuff to do tomorrow and she cant come over. Which upset me, but seemed kind of shady since you didnt want me in the house to wake your mom up, but you call your friend and talk to her when you get in there and now all of a sudden you cant come over. So we end up getting into an argument about it but it was clear we both were arguing to reply and not to understand what the other was saying. So we decided to talk about it another day when we were calm so we didnt ruin a great night. She asked me to call her when I got home so i did and she was at the gas station. She said she would call me back after she left there. No call so I call her but she doesnt answer and texts me and says hold on Im with (her friend). So at this point I get mad because I feel blown off and you straight up lied to my face about it. And she texts me and tells me that no she asked her to take her to her dads. At 430 in the morning? And there are scenarios like this that happen all the time. Trust is a big deal to me, and Its hard to build trust with someone who continually lies about things that arent necessary to lie about. I feel like if you can lie about something so simple, what else are you lying about? You could be lying about anything. It just feels like she doesnt respect me or my time enough to be honest with me. Thats another thing. Shes never on time for anything. There are times Ive had to wait hours for her to show up. Shes obviously young only 19 and im in my mid 20s so I know that plays a factor in things because when I was that young I was kind of similar to that. Im trying to see how things would look from her perspective and I can see how maybe its easier to tell me what she thinks I want to hear so I wont be upset. But I get more upset knowing she lied. I know if she said she wanted to see her friend and didnt want to come over I would of been upset. Im not trying to be overbearing or overwhelm her but to me the way you build a relationship is through communication and trust and being honest with each other. Knowing if you say something, I know thats what your going to do because you respect me and my feelings enough to do that. I just feel like especially early in a relationship, you should want to go out of your way to see someone you really care about and do whatever you can to make time for them but I almost feel like Im just like another chore she has to do when shes always taking forever to show up. . I know she has some self esteem issues and she always is trying to be nice and please everyone and Im honestly doing my best to be understanding. But I just want to feel like she respects me enough to do the little things. I want to try to communicate this to her in a way that doesnt intimidate her or make her feel likes shes not good enough. Any suggestions??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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