[Anonymous]

A little bit of background info, I’m 23 and last September I moved to a new country. In October I lost my virginity to a complete jerk. He stopped calling and that was that. I regret it and he hurt me. Late November, I met this guy online and he was really great. We chatted a bit, then met up and went on a few dates. Things were great until I thought I ruined everything, but I told him about the other guy and how I had some trust issues. He was ok with it, said he couldn’t believe anyone would do that to me, and said he was more than willing to go at my pace because he really liked me.

We dated for about 3 months and then he stopped talking to me. He didn’t come online and didn’t respond to my texts. About 2 weeks after I last talked to him, I sent him an really friendly email, to which he also did not respond. I’m at a complete loss, the last conversation we had we were talking about hanging out that week and he even said something really awesome which made me think he was as crazy about me as I was about him.

So now it’s been 3 weeks and I can no longer rationalize any logical excuses for him not being able to contact me. I get that it is over, but I’m really hurting still. He did exactly the same thing as the first guy, but it hurts way more because it seems so out of character for him and I trusted him.

I’m at my wit’s end, I haven’t made any local friends (except him) in the 6 months I’ve lived here, and I don’t really see that changing anytime soon. I’ve been talking to my friends back home online, but they’re getting sick of me talking about it. I want to be able to move on, but short of showing up at his place and asking for an explanation, I don’t know how to. I’m frustrated that I can’t stop thinking about him and really just wish I knew what happened. Is there anything I can do? 🙁

[Anonymous]

Hey, i think that she is very confused about what you’ve done with your first boyfriend! I am a boy and i have experienced the same situation! I also said its ok but little by little when it comes to my mind, i started to hate the girl. I was in a very angry mood and even i didn’t wnat to have contact with her! But the only thing i can say to you is that if he really loves you, one day he will return back to you.keep some patience dear!!

[Ask April Masini]

Your problem seems to be that you’re lonely and you don’t have a support group in your new home, so you’re putting way too much energy onto these dates and potential relationships without really understanding that most dates don’t end up in a love match and that dating is a numbers game you play to win by playing well. 😉

So if you want to solve the first part of your problem, which will help you get over these two guys in your life, then you have to invest the energy in yourself. You have to get out there and make friends. You have to smile at people and start conversations. You have to get invitations from co-workers to out of office events and try to meet new people at those events. You have to network and create a nice life for yourself so that whoever you date isn’t such a big deal in your life — until he’s the one.

The second part of your problem which will help you get over these ex-boyfriends is to understand that when you date someone it’s probably not going to work out until you start dating well, and that’s work, too! But I guarantee you’ll get out of the dating scene what you put into it. Choose well, know yourself, and date the field before you invest yourself in one guy who may or may not be Mr. Right.

I strongly recommend you buy my book called Think & Date Like A Man that you can download here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s got lots of information about making yourself interesting! 😆 And while that may sound pretty funny, the truth is when you join groups, clubs, sign up for classes and volunteer for charity, political events or any other type of community group, you become part of that community — AND you become more interesting. That interest is what attracts men to you. I’m not just trying to sell books — I’m trying to help my readers, and you are someone who could really benefit from this read — especially while you have the free time you won’t have after you read it and start dating!! 😀

[Author]

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