[Pringles200]

Here is what I wanted to call this thread, but the character limit on the subject box wouldn’t let me, so here it is, lol:

[b]Why did this girl phone me and spend 6 to 8 hours nearly every night talking to me? Did she like me? What can I do to fix things, how could I have done things better?[/b]

My name is Michael and I am 27 years old male from London, England

I am in a really terribly messed up state right now, and don’t feel confident about life at all, being the age I am, with the lack of experience I have had due to other issues I won’t mention here. I am so sorry this is long, but I wanted to get it all out

I joined a dating site called Oasis.com last January, and had been logging in the site on and off since then. The site is a bit like MSN where you instant message each other, rather than like sending emails and waiting for a response. Last month I was talking to two girls, but it never got past the instant messaging…. and I never really took that much of an interest in them. Then in that same week i got a request from a girl called Helen, but her profile had no picture at all. I accepted it anyway, but never messaged her straight away. About two days later she sent me an instant message thanking me for accepting her request, and then introducing herself. She then let me have access to her pictures, which were private… and I thought she looked lovely….. nice eyes, pretty , etc. She told me she works for the police, and that she loves her job. The following night we chatted a lot longer, on the instant messaging thing, and had a good laugh , etc. She then asked if I had a phone, and asked how I would feel if she phoned me. I told her I was a bit shy, and that the last time a girl phoned me it lasted 20 seconds, and ended in disaster because of how shy I was, but she told me not to worry. Helen then phoned me that night, about 11 pm, after a count of three, lol, and we were comfortable talking to each other from the word go…… we chatted until about 8 am in the morning…….. 8 to 9 hours talking on the phone!! Then for about two weeks, she phoned me up nearly every night, and our chats always lasted about 7 to 8 hours …she would usually phone around 11 or 12 at night, and we would chat till about 6 or 7 am in the morning.. We would just chat about anything, have a laugh, show each other our favourite music or films via You Tube or Google etc. She always phoned me from her phone, as she had cheap calls or something like that. She told me I was a gentleman, a sweetheart… and that I wasn’t sleazy, like most men… for example I never asked her what her bra size was or asked for any dirty pictures, etc, … but rather having nice conversations. She told me her ex boyfreind broke her heart by seeing his ex girlfreind behind her back, and also using her credit card details to buy things with out telling her. She asked a few times if I thought we were ever going to meet…. and I told her I wanted to wait a month or so …..so we could get to know each other a bit….. but the real reason I wanted to wait was because I have a bit of a stomach, and need to lose a little bit of weight, and I feared that if she saw me face to face she would lose interest and not want to know anymore….. because I may look a bit different from my pictures which were taken last year, and I liked her so much. On our last chat on the phone, she mentioned about meeting again, and asked why I wanted to wait and said I was starting to freak her out….. I asked her why, and she said that she thought maybe I thought something was wrong with HER, and she said she has always felt in relationships that she has to prove herself. She said she was as nervous about meeting me, than I was her…… and even suggested we even go for a walk first, to see how it went..

The next day after our last chat (which was on the Thursday and which also lasted around 7 hours) she sent me a text asking how I was, I replied back, saying something about a music group, but she never replied back to me. I was a bit worried, and stupid as I was I decided I wouldn’t text her to ask if I had done anything wrong…. thinking she would text me first, and ask me….. plus I didn’t go on the Oasis site either…. I wrote out a big heartfelt message to her, on Word pad, explaining how good she had made me feel in the last two weeks, and also that I was deleting my account on Oasis…. so she didn’t have to delete me, as I said in the message that I thought I had done something wrong. I intended to post this message to her on the Oasis site, and then delete my account….. but I spent the weekend contemplating it. Then on the Sunday, she finally sent me a text saying, “soooh…….what have I done wrong?” I replied “absolutely nothing, I thought I had said something wrong to you” we then exchanged a few texts , with her saying that I could have asked her if I had done anything wrong, etc. I told her that I didn’t want the magical thing we had damaged, etc…. by asking her what I had done wrong…. and maybe turning it into a text argument. I then told her about the message I had wrote out for her, and then sent it to her on the Oasis, site, then staright away deleted my account, like I said I would. She sent me a text saying that she was confused by this. I asked her to phone me, even if it was for five minutes, and then she did. We had a 20 minute chat…. had a little laugh, etc, told each other how our days went….. but she said I confused the hell out of her, by writing that big heartfelt message to her, but then deleting my account. I told her I thought she was amazing, etc…. and that I was truly sorry for not text her for 3 days, saying I was a bit worried about how she would react. She said she understood…. but said she always felt she had to prove herself to her ex. She then said she was going to go, saying she had messed up her dinner… sounding a bit down and a little stressed. We then text each other about 4 times that night, and she asked me to send her my photos to her email, since I deleted my account and she couldn’t see them anymore. I sent them, to her that night. We then text each other good night. She text me the next day, asking how I was… I replied I was okay, asked what she was doing, then she replied she was seeing a friend, etc. I then replied back saying what I was doing, then she didn’t reply again for two days, but this time I sent her 3 or 4 texts asking what I had done wrong. She then text me two days later saying she would phone me later on that day and explain. And then she phoned me around 8 in the evening… saying sorry she hadn’t been in touch, but she had been in hospital because of a blood problem she has got. She then said while she was in hospital, that she realised she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that she wasn’t used to this online dating thing. I told her that I thought she was lovely, etc… and she said she knew that, she then told me to treat this thing with her as experience, etc, which really upset me. She said that weekend, where I didn’t text her for 3 days, etc, brought her back bad memories of her last relationship…. which I can’t see how…….and that she now realised she wasn’t ready for a relationship and said she now wanted to concentrate on herself and her life, saying she isn’t even looking after herself properly, etc.
She told me again that I was brilliant, a gentleman and a sweetheart,, and told me she was sorry
We said goodbye , etc.. and put the phone down.
I really like this girl, and wish I could do something to fix it. The hard thing is, is that I know it was me that she ended up feeling the way she did……. and that if I hadn’t of been so worried about meeting her, and not make her feel freaked out, this wouldn’t have happened. I also know if I had of text her in those three days , rather than wait for her to text me, like an idiot… because I am stupid, … that this probably wouldn’t have happened

Why did she spend so long on the phone to me nearly every night?

What could I have done better?

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She spent so long on the phone with you in the beginning because she liked you, but because you never asked her out on an in-person date, she lost interest and moved on.

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