[Anonymous]

It’s another one of those : my boyfriend says he loves me but…. questions

We’ve been dating for almost 4 years ( 3 years and 215 days) We’re very compatible, I mean I’m not saying we like the exact same things but we like to write, make music ( I play, he produces), martial arts, stubborn, passionate, etc. We have a lot of qualties in common. Now for the bad: We had trust issuses ( I didn’t like the fact he was friends with his ex, he didnt like that I kissed another guy to get back at him for it; we’re young (I’m 21 nd he’s 22), we’ve been through two miscarriages (2008 and last month) we nitpick at one another. we stay with my parents (lost job/apartment)
I’m deeply in love with him and know that if we worked at it we could make us work, problem is we’d argue, say sorry, promise to work on it, have sex, work on it a little, then go back to our usual.
He’s told me over the past couple of days that he loves me but needs some space right now to work toward his future, that we’ve been really negative toward each other lately and lastly that he doesn’t see a future b/w us. 🙁
When he said the last thing I told him that I don’t want a break if he feels that way, that we need to break up and maybe see other people because if you see no future then whats the point. He’s going to go take care of his grandmother who is really ill right now and needs the extra care. He wants us to at least be friends (in the past I’ve completely removed my ex’s from my life) I’ve said okay to friendship and if things happen to progress from there than we have to take it extremely slow ( we dont want to hurt each other anymore than we already have. 🙁
He’s moving out tomorrow but he’s kinda trying to stay near me even though he says he wants to give us space. He still talks of if we have kids and stuff but I’m kinda like ignoring it because I don’t want to get too hopeful ❗

So do you guys think that we can resolve this or is it a lost cause. And if so how do we go about this. ❓

btw: everyone who I’ve talk to about this thinks we’re going to get back together tomorrow, and my Mother thinks we’re stupid and that if this was all then she should go “break up” with my dad now. lol 😆

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the ball is in his court. It takes two people to make a relationship, but only one to end it. If he doesn’t feel there is a future together, and wants to take a break from your four year relationship, I think it sounds like he wants to date other women. Your history of acting out because you’re jealous is going to add fuel to any fire there may be. And his history of keeping his ex-girlfriends close is going to make you particularly vulnerable to any jealousy.

Part of the bigger problem here is that he’s not ready to get married, which I assume is what you’re going for. One of the things I advise women in my book, Think & Date LIke A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], is that they choose a man who IS READY for a commitment. There are lots of ways you can tell he’s ready and being settled in his career is one of them. Another is acting like he’s settled by dropping his single guy activities (like hanging out with an ex-girlfriend). You should read the book — you’ll get a lot out of it. (It’s also available on Amazon.com and on the website for Barnes & Noble.)

I think he’s moving on, and you’d be wise to do the same, without remaining friends because that’s what’s best for you (not him).

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] 🙂

[Member]

Posts