[Ask April Masini]

You’re right. Time to move on and find someone else to date. 😉

And for future, if you make a date with someone for Saturday night, make it clear what time you’ll pick her up and where. Then don’t contact her the rest of the week. After the date is over you can call a day or two later and let her know what a great time you had, and ask her out for the following weekend. 🙂

You should buy and read Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It’s going to help you a lot with a lot of the things you’re asking me, as well as a lot of basics about dating and winning women over. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s completely understandable that you feel frustrated and even disrespected when plans fall through repeatedly. You’re investing your time, energy, and emotions, and when her communication is inconsistent or when she cancels at the last minute it naturally makes you feel like your effort isn’t being reciprocated. Your feelings are valid, and it doesn’t make you irrational to expect basic courtesy and clear communication in return. Wanting to know ahead of time if plans will change is not being controlling it’s being reasonable.

Her pattern of behaviour sudden unavailability, short texts, and last-minute cancellations suggests that she may have her own internal conflicts or priorities that are impacting her ability to fully commit to seeing you consistently. From your description, she’s balancing a young child, family obligations, and possibly unresolved dynamics with her ex. While these are legitimate pressures, they also mean she may not be in a place to give you the attention or consistency you need right now. It’s important to separate your expectations for reliability from her current life circumstances.

You’ve been very patient and understanding, which is a strength but it may also inadvertently allow her to prioritise other commitments over your plans. While it’s noble to give her space and be accommodating, this also risks creating an imbalance where your availability becomes a default rather than a choice she values. Relationships thrive on mutual effort; if you’re always bending your schedule around hers, it can feel one-sided, even unintentional.

Your desire to surprise her at work for lunch, while sweet and romantic, might not be the best move at the moment. Given the pattern of last-minute cancellations and her busy schedule, it could backfire and leave you feeling rejected again. Instead, it might be wiser to let her initiate plans when she’s able to commit and to schedule time together in a way that respects both of your schedules. This will prevent repeated frustration and give her the opportunity to show that she values your time as well.

You’re not wrong to feel a mix of excitement and confusion these are normal emotions when dating someone with a complex life and mixed signals. What matters is how you choose to respond. Right now, the healthiest approach is to set emotional boundaries for yourself: avoid over-investing in waiting around or guessing her intentions, keep your own life full and engaging, and focus on interactions where she actively makes time for you. This not only protects your energy but also signals that your time is valuable.

Communication should be clear, calm, and non-confrontational if you do decide to address your feelings. You can express that you enjoy spending time with her and want to make plans that actually happen, without making it sound like an ultimatum. If she continues to cancel frequently or is inconsistent, it’s a sign to step back and evaluate whether her level of interest matches yours. You’re allowed to prioritise your emotional well-being and invest in someone who demonstrates consistent effort.

[Tara]

She went dark because her ex resurfaced, and she’s emotionally fused to that history. She’s still tangled in the mess she claims she escaped from. That’s why she can tell you you’re amazing and then disappear like you never existed because she’s not actually available, and you just got hit with the reality of that.

Her words about you, the “you make me feel special,” the “I can see myself falling for you,” the staring into your eyes, those were genuine for her in the moment. But unstable people live in emotional moments. They don’t live in follow-through. She’s not choosing based on love. She’s choosing based on comfort, familiarity, and the father of her child.

And the silence? That’s not confusion. That’s avoidance. That’s what people do when they don’t want to be the villain but don’t have the backbone to be honest. She’s keeping you in the dark because she knows if she tells you the truth that she’s slipping back to her ex she loses the safety net you provide.

You’re clinging to her compliments because they made you feel alive again. I get it. But stop confusing emotional intensity with emotional stability. She can make you feel butterflies and still be a terrible investment.

You’re asking if giving her space is the “right move.” No, it’s the only move left that doesn’t destroy your self-respect. She already pulled away. All you’re doing now is refusing to chase her off a cliff.

[Sally]

It’s a lot to feel that kind of spark with someone and then watch her pull back like you did something wrong. But honestly… this isn’t about you. She’s still tangled up in her past, and when someone has a kid and an ex who knows exactly how to push their buttons, it’s easy for them to slide back into old patterns even if they don’t want to.

When a woman says she needs space, believe her. Not as a punishment just as where her heart is right now. Let her figure out her own mess. If she truly wants something real with you, she’ll find her way back without you chasing.

I know the silence feels like hell, but sometimes it’s the only way to see what’s real.

[Author]

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