[LoveLostGuy]

Sorry if this is out of the ordinary, I just saw this place and thought it’d help out a lot.

I’m a teen guy. I feel in love with this girl about two years ago, but I only started speaking to her last year. It was fun, the conversations we had. She was on/off with a boyfriend, so I didn’t really want to bother with asking her out at that point of taking things too far. I ended up being driven by her a few times and that was enjoyable, but I felt like it was really wrong and not right. Even though I’m younger, I thought that she’d be someone who might be fine with it. I really liked her a lot – not just her looks, but her personality and such. Well, summer came and she had told me she was moving away a little before the summer…so I was kinda depressed about it the whole time. She moved in August, and I was really disappointed and sad because we didn’t hang out much after school was over. I tried to talk to her via text messages to hang out sometime over summer. We planned something, but “work” came up for her. I’m pretty sure she had time (or she could make time) so that we could hang out. She moved away and I spoke to her once every month or two since then. She’s in town this weekend, but she never told me she would be. I wrote her a letter admitting my feelings for her and that I love her, but after sending it I felt a bit like I regret it. I think we got to the point where we were friends and then she just kinda forgot about me. I’m still very much into her, and she hasn’t responded to me about the letter. There are some other girls that I really like, but I don’t talk to them much. Both are in one of my classes this year and I feel like I won’t be able to get something to work out with any. If it works out with the girl who moved, then I won’t ever see her and things will be mediocre. It’ll probably end up ruining the friendship though, so I won’t ever talk to her again. But she’s been on my mind so much that I feel like I am really going to lose a bit if we don’t even stay friends. If that happens, then I’d want to go after one of the girls in my class. But, I don’t know how to ask them out on a date or how to approach them, since I rarely see them alone (or how to convince them to give me their number or how I could make it to that level). Plus, my parents are strict so I won’t be able to have a girlfriend with their watch, so it’d be hard to find a way to spend time with anyone. Please help me, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks!

Oh, forgot to mention…all of them are at least a year (or two in the case with the girl who moved) older than me, by age. The two in my class are in the same grade level and the girl who moved is one year above me.

[Ask April Masini]

Life is a lot easier when you walk through doors that are open, rather than try to bang down those that aren’t. So pursuing a girl who’s moved out of town and hasn’t responded to your love letter is a lot like trying to get through a closed door.

On the other hand, the girls you’re interested in who are currently in your school, are a much better way to find a girl to date or even a girlfriend. But let’s address your specifics, first.

If your parents don’t want you to have a girlfriend, you’re going to be creating a lot of problems for yourself by pursuing one without clearing things up with your folks, first. So my advice is to talk to your parents (I know it’s difficult for teenagers to broach sensitive subjects with parents, but it’s a lot like diving into a cold pool — you warm up once you’re in and swimming around!). Tell them you’re interested in girls and would like to date, but that you understand their concerns that they don’t want you to have a girlfriend — probably because it may interfere with school — and is there a way that they would be okay with your dating “lightly”? For instance, if you agree only to date on weekends, and not weekdays, that might be a good compromise. Or if you agree to only date in small groups rather than one on one, that may be another compromise. Regardless of what you come up with, the idea is to make your feelings known to your parents, start talking with them about solutions that are win-win so you and your parents BOTH get your needs met — and you get some teenage dating experience!

After their okay, the next thing you want to do is ask a girl out. If the girls you’re interested in are never alone, do a little “social homework” and find out when they go to their lockers or when they’re walking to classes that are near yours, and try and figure out when you can grab a moment alone with them to ask them for their phone number. If you can get their phone number, then you can call them and try to have a conversation privately, without tons of classmates hanging around.

If your phone calls go well, and you still think that you’d like to ask one of the girls out, consider some of the following dating opportunities: Ice skating, hiking, movies, bowling ice cream, coffee shop dates, or pizza. These are all appropriate and fun dates where you can enjoy time with one of the girls you’re interested in, and get to know each other better, to see if you want to continue dating.

As for your move away girl, I think it’s best that you let that go. Her distance from you, and her lack of response to your letter indicate that she’s not an ideal date for you now. I’m sorry if she’s hurt your feelings, but by knowing where you stand with her, you’re free to open yourself up to pursue other young women.

I hope this helps, and I wish you good luck! 😀

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