[April Masini, your AskApril]

You kind of buried the clue to this problem in the middle of your post. You said that you’re not having sex because of personal problems — but then you started to talk about oral sex problems. Let’s dig in! What are the personal problems that are keeping you from having sex? I suspect the clue to this problem lies in the answer to that question.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

His going to see a counselor is him taking care of his side of the street — or making an attempt to. You have to take care of your side of the street. He may or may not stop watching porn…. so now you have to decide if this is something you can live with, incorporate into your marriage, or if it will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. There is also the parallel problem of his mistrusting you on what sounds like a chronic basis. You both have work to do — and time is your friend. You have to decide if you want to stay or go, and while you’re deciding, you have to decide what you can and can’t live with and what YOU are willing to change or not change in your own life.

I hope that helps, and I wish you luck. I’m here if you have any more questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. You’ve been friends with this young woman since you were both 12 and now you’re 19 and you want to get out of the friend zone without losing the friendship you have with her. The reality is that things change. Life changes. And it’s very difficult to have both things — her as a romantic interest and her as a friend. They conflict. A friend isn’t someone you want to date and kiss — and a romantic interest isn’t someone who’s going to be excited for you when you have a great date with someone else because there’s romance between the two of you. I think that at this point in your life, you have to realize your feelings for her have changed and the friendship has blossomed into something else. I also think there’s a good chance she feels the same way about you. My advice is to tell her you’d like to take her out on a date and that you really value her and don’t want to lose this opportunity to get to know her as a girlfriend, not a friend anymore. Big step — I know, but if you don’t take it, it’s going to turn into a regret. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Awesome. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really sorry you’re having such a tough time. I can help you if you’re willing to make some changes:

* First, your boyfriend is married. He was married when he proposed to you and he’s married now. You have to understand that he is someone else’s husband. He may be in the process of divorce, but it will help if you can be realistic about what’s going on.

* Second, stop interfering in his marriage and his divorce. There is no reason in the world for you to be on the phone with his mother in law or his wife. Just don’t get involved in his business. You’ll cut your stress level by almost 100%! 😀 Let him handle those problems and that stress. You have enough of your own issues — don’t take on his. 😉

* Third, I’m sorry you have a bad history of family abandoning you. I understand that you feel hurt and you feel alone, but don’t complicate that unfortunate issue by creating chaos with this guy who still has all sorts of obligations to his wife and his family. At best, he’s a rebound boyfriend. At worst, he’s been cheating on his wife with you. I think love and relationships are wonderful — but you have to pick someone who is going to offer you trust. Focus on your choices, and keep it simple. If a guy is going through a difficult divorce he’s not going to be able to be there for you the way you want him to — be realistic and you’ll be happier.

I hope you feel better soon, and if you have any other questions, please ask. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you all?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re very realistic about things. If you have a long distance relationship, at age 15, you have to understand that you won’t have the same bond as if you see each other more regularly in person, and that there are normal high school temptations and distractions on either end of the relationship that may cause miscommunication and disappointment. Also, when you do see each other, there may be pressure on the visits that you wouldn’t have if you were able to see each other more freely and more often. Long distance relationships are tough at any age. However…. you may still find that the long distance relationship creates a special bond that is valuable to both of you. My advice is to weigh this advice against what you know about yourself and this guy and decide what works best for you. Weigh possible regret over not trying over possible heartache over it not working — against the possibility that you may create something special that has no heartache.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Is he married to someone else? Or is his divorce finalized?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, it’s over. He’s not responding to you because he doesn’t want to engage with you. If it’s important to you to get his stuff out of the house, you can ship it to him. Otherwise, give him a couple of weeks, and then simply ask him where you can send his things. Try to keep things cool. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s no easy way around a break up when kids are involved. My advice is that if you’ve truly broken up with him, then you need to keep your kids out of the game — otherwise, they end up being pawns that you and your ex-boyfriend use to manipulate each other, and the kids get further hurt. It will hurt when you break off their relationship with this guy — but less so than if you let it go, get complicated and end up breaking it off down the line. For instance, if he takes them out with himself and a new girlfriend (or different new girlfriends), it’ll look bitter on your part if you then tell the kids they can’t see him. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. It is difficult to rebuild trust. But it’s possible. When it works it’s because both people want to make things work. But if you don’t, or if you’re not sure, it’s going to be difficult at best. The problem here is that he didn’t reveal his whole self to you. He held back and he withheld information — while you were giving your whole self to him. In addition, you’re wondering what else isn’t as it seems because he wasn’t honest with you. My advice is to try and diffuse the emotions. It’s easy to get angry and to deflect the anger onto each other to avoid the truth — but it’s not productive. So try to get out of the anger business and figure out if he is someone you want to work things through with, or if you don’t think you can. Don’t rush into a decision, but don’t avoid the hard work you have to do. Ask him how he thinks you should best get over this — without any anger on your part, when you do ask. Ask him how he can help you stay? If he feels this is entirely your burden, then that’s a clue that you’re in this alone. Again. But if he is willing to work with you and be responsible for his part in this — which is going to be to explain to you why he withheld this information, and how, now that you know the answer, you’re expected to stay, and what he will do for you to keep you here.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know if he’s cheating on you, but he isn’t embracing the pregnancy, and he isn’t acting like someone who wants to be part of a couple where there’s a child on the way and an engagement on the table. 🙁 Since you mentioned that the two of you had a difficult past, but that he proposed marriage when you got pregnant, it sounds like he was trying to do the right thing — but may have felt trapped into it, and is rebelling against that feeling, now. 😕 Since you’re expecting a child, and your priorities are changing, it’s time for you to be realistic about the relationship — past, present and future. 😉 If you start wagging your finger at him in any way, he’s going to feel that his behavior is justified. He’s looking for you to be the bad guy who put him in this situation so he can act out….. so you’re going to have to take the high road and refrain from arguing or telling him that what he’s doing is wrong. Find ways to entice him into coming home, rather than trying to force him home, and balance that with taking care of yourself and preparing for the baby.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any specific questions.

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