[April Masini, your AskApril]

I have to turn this one around — why would you [i]want[/i] a woman who chooses a thug who chokes her until she has seizures? 😯 Raise your bar and start looking for women in different places than you have been. If you’re using bars and mixers (parties where there is usually alcohol), why not switch things up and join a gym or a YMCA where you can meet women. Look in the supermarket and ask women how to choose produce or how to cook a chicken when you’re shopping. Avoid women buying several six packs at once and instead, go to the organics aisle or pick a farmer’s market — or a yoga class, where you’ll tend to meet women who frown on choking thugs. 😉 Go for walks and make small talk, or hang out at coffee shops. Ask women in the mall to give you their honest opinion on how a sweater looks on you. Volunteer for a political candidate you care about, a health care center you care about or some other cause — where you’ll tend to meet others who care, as well. Being single and finding great women to date is definitely going to take some work on your part, but try to see it as a good challenge, so you don’t get yourself down. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more — how old are you both? And how often do you have sex?

The fact that he gets embarrassed when you bring this up means that it’s bothering him, as well. If he just brushed it off, or laughed it off, it would be less of a problem. But it sounds like this is a problem for both of you. It sounds like talking to him about it isn’t working, so if you can learn something from what he’s watching, that might be helpful. There are all sorts of porn — is there something in what he’s watching that you can incorporate into your sex life? For instance, some couples like to watch porn and then have sex, or watch porn while they’re having sex. Other women may want to figure out what he likes that he’s watching that he isn’t getting in real life — and then try it in their real life sex lives. Maybe spicing things up in the bedroom will get him more interested — lots of times, especially around the one year mark — couples sex lives’ flag and if there are ways you can make things more interesting, that might help more than focusing on the porn issue.

I hope this helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unless he’s been in a car accident and is hospitalized, the reason he’s not responding is less important than the fact that he’s not responding. This may have been a one time goal for him and now that he’s had sex with you, he’s not interested any more. That’s part of the problem with the term friends with benefits — usually, you’re not really friends. This isn’t how a friend acts. 😳 Sometimes people use the label FWB because they don’t want to relegate the relationship to hook up partners, but that might be just what this was: a one time hook up.

As for contacting him, don’t. If he wants to see you, he will. Since he hasn’t contacted you in over a week, he doesn’t. Time to move on and figure out what you’ve learned from this relationship and take those valuable lessons with you into the next one. 😉

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to win her back, I don’t think you should encourage her to date other people or wish her luck in doing so. 😕 It’s not really an honest response on your part, and because the two of you have so many years of discord, it seems like it’s going to be used against you down the line. And as for the questions she’s asking you, they seem more like questions to provoke arguments than questions asked by someone who really wants to get to know you. Since you’ve been dating for so long, she knows your passion in life by now — she’s just trying to show you have none by asking a question like that. 😳

It really doesn’t seem like the two of you have a future together that is healthy and happy — most of your relationship has been fighting and getting back together and fighting and getting back together. This might be a great opportunity for you to move on and find someone new with whom you are more compatible. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? And how long have you been dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to find a way to be patient. I know it’s difficult, but if he’s normally moody, then you have to understand that is who he is and you can either separate while he’s in a mood or decide that it’s not personal and it will pass. A sense of humor will also help. Basically, you have to take the high road and not let his moodiness trigger 😉 moodiness in you, too!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since he’s mentioned some specific stress in his life, why not supply some nurturance? In other words, send him some homemade cookies. Call to ask how his father is doing. Send flowers to his dad. Bring support to his life and he may see you as an asset, not just someone who he doesn’t have time for in all his business. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]So what does this girl want from me? We’re both in our early 30s, is hard to get still a thing? Do woman really want to be chased like this? [/quote]

Yup. So is competition. Chances are you’re not the only guy who’s asking her out. And if she’s single in a big city, she’s probably got a busy work life, a family life, and a social life — with limited time to conduct it all in. You may be mistaking her hesitance as playing hard to get. It may actually be the fact that she’s got a lot going on and limited time. Enjoy what you have — and keep going in that direction. It sounds like it’s working, even though you have a few complaints. The big picture seems to be a good one! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not an attorney, so I can’t help you with legal questions, but it doesn’t seem like one spouse should be able to take a loan or a mortgage on a property without the other spouse’s consent since both parties would be responsible for the loan. If she’s buying with all cash, that would seem to be a different scenario. Call a real estate lawyer for your legal questions — I’m not much help in that arena! 😉

However, I can help you with communication issues. It sounds like the two of you are stuck in your positions on this subject, and my advice is to create a deal making atmosphere that extends beyond this arena of real estate. For instance, she wants what she wants in real estate — maybe there is something you want beyond real estate — like an early retirement, or a sports car, or turning the den into a man cave, or no more Thanksgiving dinners at her mother’s house, that you want. Think outside the box and figure out what you want — and then ask her if there’s something outside the box that she may be willing to trade off in compromise. When you expand the trading floor, beyond this income real estate situation, you may find the two of you are more open to compromise and less locked on a disagreement.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’ve got intellectual compatibility — but there was no flirting as a catalyst for the attraction you felt. Flirting is a great tool to let someone know you’re interested and at the same time, to open the door to their flirting back. 😎 Start by complimenting her on something personal — it could be her eyes, the way she moves, her sense of humor — whatever works. Then make sure you touch her — her hand, for emphasis while you’re talking, her back, as you’re guiding her through a crowd or a doorway, or brush hair from her face while she’s talking. These are behaviors that move your date from no chemistry, to affectionate, sensual and flirty. If you feel things are working with these tips, go in for a kiss – you don’t have to wait for the end of the night. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Men cheat because they don’t get their needs met in their marriage. It’s not because she’s more beautiful than you are or more charming than you are. It’s because he wanted to feel valued and she made him feel that way. And…. the two of you were fighting. That’s the reason he did what he did. I don’t believe, from what you wrote, that it went beyond the flirtatious texting — but I’m not there. However, the key is not the relationship he has with her — it’s the one he has with you. Focus on the real problem, what’s going on between the two of you, not the distraction (his flirting with someone else).

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should back off and not run the risk of being pushy. He’s 17 years old and he’s told you he’s new to dating, is feeling uncertain, and he kind of backed off on his own. Instead of texting him, wait until you see him and be your cheerful, flirty self. 😎 Let him take the lead — he’ll feel better about himself and any relationship that results, if he’s the one who does the chasing. Guys love to feel like they chased and won and if you take that away from him by doing the chasing yourself, he’s not going to be as happy about things as if you back off and let him lead. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I understand your dilemma. She’s someone you have a phone relationship with only — you’ve never met in real life. And the phone relationship is over work phone calls, on work lines. I think that when you do get to talk to her, you should flirt with her and try to draw out the conversation. If things go well, ask her if she’d like to talk on personal phone lines, and if she does, exchange numbers and pick up the conversation outside of work. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck! If you have any other questions, you’re welcome to ask them here.

[Member]

Posts