[April Masini, your AskApril]

Lots of people get confused as to which organ in their body they should follow! 😆 In your case, your brain is what you should lead with right now. Your heart needs to follow as a close second. Let me explain…

You are absolutely correct in your understanding of the imminent danger you and your husband are in as American servicemen and women. Your health and safety has to come first. It would be imprudent to distract him or yourself with upsets that neither one of you can do anything about right now. So don’t reveal your indiscretions to your husband who you love, have cheated on, and who you realize needs all his focus and strength to stay alive while deployed as a U.S. military serviceman. Got that? Keep your indiscretions to yourself for now, and keep him alive.

Next, you need to understand that your marriage is not the norm because you are away from your husband so much — in fact, your entire relationship that includes two years of long distance dating and six months of long distance marriage, is unusual. That doesn’t mean it can’t work. It can. But you have to ease up on yourself and him so that you can do your jobs. You’re in a special circumstance and staying healthy and safe is first and foremost on your list.

All that said, it is understandable that you are lonely and have succumbed to intimacy, companionship and sex from men who are at hand rather than abide by your marriage vows with your husband who is thousands of miles away from you regularly. You don’t have a normal marriage, and in order to make it work, you’re going to have to apply special circumstances and rules.

I don’t believe you have ruined what hasn’t started — however, that’s going to depend on your husband’s feelings. Relationships only work when there are mutual agreements about everything. You both don’t have to agree one hundred percent on everything, but you have to be able to compromise and have enough agreement that your life together works in a healthy and peaceful way.

The question will arise when you get back together in five months from now in a normal setting, as to whether or not you should tell your husband about your indiscretions. That decision is going to be the first step in your normal life together. So think about the pros and cons of telling him, and whether telling him about your indiscretions is going to be more important to him or to you. Also consider his point of view since he, too, is in the same situation you are, and how you would feel if he loves you to death, but has had indiscretions of his own during your time apart.

If you don’t tell him about your indiscretions, you have to understand that you will have to find a way to deal with keeping a secret. How important is that to you in your relationship with him? How mature is he in understanding the circumstances and the person he married (for better or for worse)?

For now, you keep safe and keep him safe, and consider how you want to handle things in five months from now when you’re going to be together again on a more normal basis. But keep your indiscretions to yourself for now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re doing a lot of feeling, and I’m going to ask you to use your brain a little more than you’re using your heart. 😉

First of all, I know you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend by breaking up with him, but look at it from his point of view. He doesn’t want to be with a woman who wishes she was with another man. And if you’re honest, the truth is that you are interested in dating other men. It’s hard to sustain a relationship when you’ve got your eye elsewhere. So staying with your boyfriend, but not feeling like you want to be with him, is a form of betrayal.

Second, understand that no break up is neat and without feelings. All breaks up hurt people. That’s the nature of the relationships, but it’s better to be in the game and have battle scars than to not pursue a great romantic relationship. You didn’t mention your ages, but I’m surmising that your boyfriend is an adult, and he is old enough to take care of his own heart. In fact getting into a relationship with you required his tacit signing away his rights to not having his heart broken. 😆

That said, you have to understand that if you do break up with him and start dating this old friend of yours that you’re now interested in, the same thing may happen. Either one of you may realize after some time dating that you’re not right for each other, and you’ll have learned that that relationship was not one that was meant to last. If there was insurance you could buy that compensated people for broken hearts, I bet you’d be first in line! 😉 But there isn’t. So you have to choose who you date by using your head, and not just your heart.

The best way to choose wisely is to know yourself and to know what you want in a man and in a relationship. The better you know you, the less chance you’ll have of bouncing around from guy to guy to guy. If you want to get married and you want to live a certain kind of lifestyle with a certain kind of man, then focus on that. Love is great, but it’s not enough because people do fall in and out of love, and when they’re feeling less love, the respect they have for their partner is what sustains the relationship.

It’s generous of your current boyfriend to pay for your cellphone and three year contract, and if you want someone who can support you and/or contribute to a household, then don’t waste your time dating men who can’t do that for you. You won’t be compatible with them in the long run. Don’t pass judgment on what you do and don’t want, or what anyone else does or doesn’t want. Just focus on your goal for your life.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend basically asked you for a little space after the two of you had an argument. Since that argument was the first time in your one year relationship that you saw him lose his temper, it sounds like his buttons got pressed. If he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t lose his temper easily, then having lost it is taxing — on him! — as well as you, but probably more so on him. Losing your temper takes up a lot of your body’s energy and adrenaline, so he’s probably really affected by the argument, which he may think was a fight because he did lose his temper to the extent he needed some time apart afterwards.

If you’re going to have a future with this guy, learning how to argue and even how to fight is important. All couples argue and fight during the course of their relationships, so the fact that you were at odds is less important than the process you develop to resolve conflicts. What you’re learning is that your boyfriend doesn’t have the same tolerance you do for conflict, and you need to respect that. At the same time, resolving the conflict is important, but the timeline to do this is negotiable.

When you see him on Friday, make sure the message you convey to him first and foremost is how much you love him and how glad you are to see him. Instead of picking up where you left off when you fought, allow the evening to be a really pleasant date. You need to get a good experience under your belts before you go back to the problem you had that led to the argument.

If you want to leave him a text or e-mail today, prior to your date tomorrow, make it short and sweet and one that doesn’t require a response. Something like, I’m so looking forward to seeing you and having a really fun night together with no stress and lots of love. Or something like that. That’s going to alleviate any anxiety he has that your Friday night together is going to be another round in the ring.

When you’re in a good place with him, bring up the argument, but employ some communication rules when you do so:

1. If you’re going to have a talk about something that is potentially loaded, do it in a neutral place like a coffee shop or on a hike or sitting in a park. Stay away from rooms that are “loaded with meaning” like the bedroom when you’re going to have “a talk”.

2. Never put him on the defense. Use sentences that have “I” in them, and stay away from “you” sentences. This will help you from blaming him for any behavior, and will help the two of you get to a resolution rather than another round of arguing.

3. Focus on agreeing to what the problem is. Lots of times miscommunications run rampant and he may think the problem is one thing, like your age difference, and you may think it’s his disrespect for your maturity level. In fact, you may be surprised at what you learn his interpretation of the problem is.

Focus again on agreeing to possible solutions. For instance, if you can cop to the fact that although you are a mature 22 year old, the reality is you don’t have the life experience he does, and you understand that this can be a challenge for him because points he may want to make don’t necessarily register with you because you have different life reference points. If you can come to an understanding that you’re not of the same life experience level, he may speak differently to you in a way that doesn’t irk you. Or maybe what you can cop to is that you were really bothered by something else that was going on in your life the day you had the argument, and you didn’t even realize it. He hit a nerve with you, and you lashed out at him in a way you wouldn’t have if so and so wasn’t bothering you under the surface.

4. Be gracious and generous. Arguments happen when one person feels that they’re not going to win, so they come out with all guns blazing. If he feels that you’re being reasonable and not needing to win on every point, in fact you’re giving him points he didn’t expect to get, he’ll be more gracious and generous with you, and your resolution will be sweeter.

I hope that helps — good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You had a flirtatious encounter! 😀

This doctor likes you, and it sounds like you like him, too! That he took your number is a great sign. That you gave him encouragement by flirting with him is good work on your part. Now, you wait. If he’s interested in dating you, he’ll call. If you meet up again, coincidentally, as you did these last two times, focus the conversation away from your needing a doctor so he doesn’t think you’re a potential patient. It’s not appropriate for doctors to date their patients, so make it clear you’re dating material, not billing material. 😆 In fact, you can even tell him that you think he’d make a great doctor, but you make it a rule never to mix business with pleasure, and you’re just too attracted to him to risk making the mistake of becoming a patient of his. He’ll be very clear if you say that, on what your agenda is, and the ball will be clearly in his court at that point.

Make sure you don’t call him first! That would be an easy mistake to make. And don’t spend all your time obsessing about this encounter. You need to accept that you did everything right, and plan for a possible second accidental meeting. Or, be thrilled when he calls you and asks you out for a date.

Good luck!! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you are not engaged or married, and you want to stop cheating on your girlfriend altogether and start being one hundred percent faithful, you do not need to tell her. Just do it.

If you do wind up being honest and faithful and very much in love with her, my guess is that somewhere down the line you’re going to want to tell her the truth, but for now, it’s more important that you’ve made a decision to change your behavior and to just do it.

That said, it would be interesting to know why you want to change your behavior now, rather than at any other point during your two year relationship up to now. What’s happened in your life that makes you want to change?

It’s also not clear from your post how many times you cheated in the last two years and if these indiscretions were chronic or as specific results of specific incidents. What is of concern is that you are SO angry at her for having cheated on you, that you are unable to ever be completely honest and faithful to her. That situation is unfair — [i]TO YOU![/i] Clearly her having cheated on you upset you deeply, and if you’re not over that or are not progressing towards healing, then you don’t have a shot at a long lasting relationship, and I think that’s what you want.

The other concern is that you may have an addictive issue where you abuse sex instead of a substance in order to satisfy some physical or psychological need that doesn’t really have to do with sex. That’s a bigger problem than your relationship with this woman and will follow you from relationship to relationship if you don’t address it.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really glad I could help by opening your mind up to other perspectives and ways of thinking about your problem. 😀 I think visiting her is a good idea, but that alone isn’t enough. YOU really have to delve into your own mind and heart and think about what it would be like to be in her shoes and vice versa. You have to understand yourself enough to know why you told her you wanted to see her having sex with another guy. And if you can drop all judgment against YOURSELF, you’re a lot more likely to get to the truth, and in this case, being brutally honest with YOURSELF will allow you to have a mature relationship with this woman or any other woman in your life. In fact scratch that — being brutally honest with yourself will help you in romantic, platonic and business relationships as well. But being brutally honest with yourself does not always mean applying that same standard to all those relationships. That said, all great relationships start with self knowledge.

So do your work, and visit her. Be gentle on yourself and her and understand that this is a process that is ongoing. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hmmmm….I’d like to know why you moved out of the home you were sharing with your boyfriend of two years. Without that information it seems like your relationship took a giant step backward when you did move out, and he became a little more single than he was when you were living together.

It sounds to me like he’s wanting to date other people, but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so he’s not telling you the whole truth. When you find yourself confused, it’s best to pay attention to a person’s behavior instead of what they’re saying. Clearly, your boyfriend is wanting freedom. What he does with it when you’re not around is his business.

If you want to get him back, you’re going to have to start from square one in a sense, since you’re no longer living with him, and he already knows you really well having dated you for two years. What I mean by starting from square one is that you can’t place demands on him that you did when you were living together. You have to wait for him to ask you out on a date, but while waiting, you get to work on yourself, and make him realize what a catch you are!

While you’re living single now, invest that extra time you have in improving yourself. Those improvements can be physical (join a gym and get toned and fit), cosmetic (get a new hair style, work on your makeup, keep up extra grooming habits), intellectual, (join a political group or take a class), social (volunteer and do charity, make new friends and throw parties) — the sky’s the limit. What you’ll find is that you’re not as dependent on him, and that alone may make you more attractive to him. You’ll also be opening up your own world, and he’ll notice that. He may realize that he’s going to lose you to another guy because the more new and improved you become, the more men you’re going to attract. Not wanting to lose you, he may come running back.

But you’re not going to know unless you move forward in your own life. I hope this helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your extra information is helpful. This is the first I’m hearing that she’s actually staying with another man during her vacation, and not just girlfriends. In addition, the other things you overheard her saying are also of concern.

However, the solution, again, is communication. When you hear something that raises a red flag in your mind it’s important to verify it as true or false. If you don’t find out what the truth is, you’re going to stay in this place of discomfort and uncertainty. This isn’t a good place for you to be in, personally or inter-personally (within your relationship).

You need to talk to your girlfriend and ask her what she meant by her needing to come clean with you. If you don’t, you’re an active (although passive aggressive) part of the problem.

In addition, it makes a lot of sense that you’d be uncomfortable with her staying with a male friend on her vacation — especially since your relationship with her started when you were both married to other people, and left your respective spouses for each other. I trust that what you left out in your explanation is that you and your now girlfriend were cheating on your spouses at the time with each other. Therefore, you know she has a history of cheating and it’s possible she’s doing it again — this time not with you, but on you. 😕

Given the history and what you now know, you have to figure out your comfort levels. If you don’t want her to stay with a male friend then you have to make that clear, and offer alternatives. For example, you can tell her you’re fine with her staying with this guy friend, but you’d like to be there, too. That’s just for starters. Whether or not you like that solution is less important than that you express your feelings, be clear on your boundaries, and protect yourself.

Getting a golden retriever is great if you want a pet, but it’s not an alternative to a romantic relationship with a woman. Relationships take work. Do the work. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s probably a good reason she’s never been married. 😯 Your girlfriend lacks the skills for intimacy, and you’re clearly not happy about how that’s making you feel. Since it’s not your job to fix anyone, and your girlfriend readily admits she’s got issues with communication, after five months of dating, it seems like there are more minuses than plusses about being with this woman.

Clearly, inability to be intimate, and your lack of a sex life with her — let alone a making out life 😆 — indicates that it’s time for you to consider dating other women. You sound like a great guy who deserves more. I hear that you’ve had tough luck in finding a woman to date who’s been well educated, is financially secure, and has compatible morals, but I would caution against your settling for this woman just because she’s got the education and financial background you’re looking for in a mate. She’s missing the ability to communicate with you in a way that you need to feel valued and cherished by a woman. Don’t sell yourself short.

My advice is to get back out there and start dating. I appreciate your wanting to be realistic, and understanding that everybody’s got something in their baggage department, but the trick is to find someone with matching luggage. You are willing to open your heart and feelings to a woman, and you need a woman who’s willing to do so back.

If you feel inclined, pick up my book called Date Out of Your League, written for men who need a boost in their dating lives. While I’m not suggesting you’re inept at dating — far from it — I do think that some of the tips and advice in this book will help you get a better yield from your dates. Check it out here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s only $14.95, and well worth the price.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem here is that you feel really upset about having seen your girlfriend having sex with someone else. You’re looking for a technicality to absolve you from any responsibility [i]you[/i] had in having seen her.

The reason your girlfriend did not cheat on you is that she had sex with another man while the two of you were [b]broken up[/b]. You weren’t her boyfriend at that time, so she wasn’t really cheating on you when she was with another man.

As for the lie, when you did get back together with her, you asked her if she’d been with anyone else while the two of you were broken up, and she said no. Clearly, she lied to you. However, all lies are not equal. 😯 There are times when white lies are appropriate. Try and look at it from her point of view. Because the two of you were getting back together, she didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you she’d been with other men. In fact, when you start dating someone for the first time ever, you’d never ask a woman if she’d had sex with someone else before she met you because although you don’t want to know she did if you like her a lot, you accept that she’s coming to the table with some dating and sexual experience under her belt. Lots of couples who break up and then get back together later, don’t use this rule of thumb, and frankly, it’s a mistake not to. It’s wrong to expect your girlfriend (or for her to expect you) not to date other people if the two of you are no longer an item. I think you need to forgive her for not telling you she had been with other men when you asked her upon your reunion.

[i]The real problem[/i] is that you told her how hot it would be if she had sex with another guy. What she should have done was employ another white lie and rather than fess up the truth in video images, not show you anything. But this time, she did tell the truth, and she did hurt you a lot by showing you images of that act.

The way to fix your feelings, which are really the problem right now, is for you to dig deep and ask yourself why you told her how hot you would feel seeing her with another man. Again, if you really felt this way — that you wanted to see her with someone else, a white lie would have been entirely appropriate. Keeping that fantasy to yourself would have allowed you to be truthful to yourself, but would have prevented her from wanting to please you by making your fantasy come true.

There are lots of times when white lies are appropriate in a relationship. If a man thinks that gigantic breasts are the hottest thing ever, and his girlfriend or wife is small breasted, keeping his fantasy to himself may make his wife feel better about herself, and their relationship will be better off for her feeling good about herself. The same goes for women who wish their boyfriends were better endowed, but instead tell their men how incredible they are in every way, and because the guys feel great about themselves, the relationship is served. These are the white lies that are appropriate. Learn when and how to use them, and you’ll have a lot easier time in relationships. I promise.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The two of you have been through a lot together and apart and this problem you’re bringing me is not a deal breaker within the relationship, so before I get to the specifics of the problem and some possible solutions, I want you to know that your relationship is not in jeopardy of ending over this problem. This is something that you can work on within the relationship.

That said, first of all, her way of communicating with you is an issue. It sounds like she’s a little impulsive when she says, “I’m done!” and you’ve come to learn that her bark is worse than her bite. However, even knowing that what she says isn’t necessarily what she really means, it doesn’t make you feel very good when she barks at you. On the flip side, she makes plans for herself on her own without telling you about them until they’re already made and doesn’t give you a vote in whether or not the plan will go forward. And while it’s great that she’s independent and not needy, Valentine’s Day is a day when most couples want to celebrate together, and it sounds like you feel disrespected by her neglect of your feelings on this day.

One thing you can do is to try and talk to your girlfriend OUT OF the heat of the moment. If you try and talk to her about a problem while it’s occurring, she’s going to be defensive and your conversation will sound old, familiar and will go nowhere. So choose a time when you’re both not stressed, and pick a place with no loaded meaning like a coffee shop or a hike you’re taking as opposed to the bedroom. Start the conversation from a productive and positive place, like you love and adore her, and look forward to a future that lasts forever together, but one of the ways you’d like to improve on that future is to ask her a favor. Tell her that it hurts your feelings when she gets angry at you so quickly and tells you she’s dumping you — only to apologize later. Tell her that you understand she’s got a quick fuse and the flip side of that is her passion that you find so appealing, but that in an effort to protect your own feelings, you’d really appreciate it if there’s a way you can help her not dump you when she’s angry and instead just say something like — I’m furious at you right now! or some other declaration that helps her express herself, but doesn’t doom the relationship and leave your head spinning. If the conversation goes well, be sure to level the playing field by asking her if there’s anything that you can do for her and if she can’t think of anything, tell her how much you appreciate this openness and that you hope she’ll feel free to come to you if she has any requests, herself.

Next, you have a scheduling issue whereby she makes plans with her friends without telling you. If you’re okay with her going away to see friends for a weekend every six months, which sounds like, from your post, the time frame she’s employing for these trips, then make sure to tell her how glad you are that she’s taking care of herself by taking mental health breaks from her day to day life, and nourishing her friendships with her girlfriends. If it’s only two or three times a year, and she’s with girlfriends, it sounds healthy to me. The problem, however, is the communication about it. So, ask her if she’d consider letting you know when she begins to plan a trip so that you can let her know your schedule (to avoid double booking weekends like you booking Napa the same weekend she books Vancouver), and so that you can use those weekends when you know you won’t see her to book weekends for yourself with YOUR friends and family. Again, don’t put her on the defensive because what she’s doing shouldn’t be a deal breaker, and actually has some merit to keeping your relationship healthy. Taking breaks from each other is a good thing, and just because you don’t need the break, doesn’t mean she doesn’t. Remember that all you’re asking from her is a heads up on her “away game” schedule.

Consider doing what I suggest in booking an away weekend for you with a buddy or two or one of your children for a special dad weekend during the weekends she’s away. Instead of feeling lonely and left out, you may start to feel like you’re taking care of yourself in a way that makes you feel a lot more okay about her taking these weekends off. I strongly suggest these mental health weekends away once or twice a year for all couples who can afford it and feel they have stress in their lives. It’s a great, safe way to take care of yourself, each other, and the relationship.

And lastly, in terms of her booking Valentine’s Day weekend, remember that that particular weekend is actually President’s Day weekend, so Monday is a holiday, and while it does happen to be Valentine’s Day weekend, it’s entirely possible that the reason she booked that weekend for a trip with girlfriends is not because she’s trying to thwart romance with you, but because Monday is a work holiday for many people and that makes it a great traveling weekend.

Reschedule Valentine’s Day for the two of you either before or after February 14, and make it special. As you know from having a blended family, lots of success comes from being flexible. Custody schedules and your adult children’s’ loyalties to both sets of parents means that Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years often have to be rescheduled so that everyone gets a day of celebration even if you celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday instead of Thursday! Use that same rule of thumb this year with Valentine’s Day. Send flowers or chocolates to her hotel room in Vancouver since you won’t be with her on that day, but also take care of yourself by booking her for dinner the week before or the week after and making sure you get a Valentine’s Day date with your girlfriend even if it’s not on February 14!

I hope this helps, and that you’ll let me know how things go.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes — he’s interested in you! 🙂

Don’t worry too much about his having gone back to his ex-girlfriend and then realizing that what he had with her is truly over. That is, unless this boomerang behavior becomes a pattern.

For now, you should follow ALL my advice as written in Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], if you want the best advantage. I strongly advise you to invest $15.95 in this book — it’s a VERY small price to pay for what could be a lifetime of happiness as a result.

Just a very few of the tips from the book that I’d advise you follow until you get reading is to make sure YOU don’t do the asking out or the initiating of any dates. Men want to be the ones who chase the women that they’ve got their eyes on, and feel success when they get them. If you let him be that guy, then he’s going to feel really good about you because you’re giving chase, and allowing him the success of getting you each time he gets a “yes” from you for a date, or a kiss goodnight, a flirtatious moment or a love note thanking him for being in your life.

Lots of women sabotage relationships by being too forward and thereby taking away the opportunity for the guys to chase them, and by making this mistake, they also don’t know where they stand in the relationship because they haven’t let the guys weigh in by asking the women out on dates. You see, you’ll know how much he likes you by how often he asks you out! So let him do the pursuing, and allow yourself, at the same time, the luxury of knowing where you stand based on his behavior.

I hope that helps! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you need to consider how much alcohol played a part in the dilemma you find yourself in now. It really seems like getting drunk has been a problem for you because your behavior when you drink too much ends up hurting you. So consider not drinking or limiting the amount of alcohol you drink to one or two drinks a night when you are drinking, and that’s it. That’s got to be your first step because no matter what advice I give you, if you drink and act impulsively, you’re going to continue to sabotage yourself.

Second, you have to understand that if you break up with someone they are free to date whomever and whenever. It’s wrong for you to blame your ex-boyfriend for being with someone in a bar or elsewhere regardless of what YOU feel for him. So if you’re broken up, don’t comment on his dating life. It’s none of your business. 🙁

Third, it seems like you need to work on impulse control. While the two of you may have had eight months of a really nice relationship, you made some mistakes that if you’d put some thought into them first, you might not have made. For instance, it was a mistake for you to bring a third party on a birthday present vacation with you and your boyfriend. That’s a recipe for trouble — and it’s just what you got. 😮 It also seems that your breaking up with him and moving out was impulsive and probably a mistake. Your jealousy over your boyfriend getting along so well with the friend you invited on vacation with the two of you was something that should have been worked out within the relationship — it shouldn’t have been the lynchpin that broke up the relationship.

And lastly, your needing to know what he thinks is really a disguised version of your wanting him to want you back. If he truly tells you what he’s thinking, I bet you’ll use anything you don’t like hearing to start an argument with him, and that’s not productive if what you want to do is be with him again — either as friends or as a girlfriend.

If you can be honest with yourself, I think you’ll realize that you don’t really want to be just friends with him, or even friends with benefits. You want he whole enchilada: to be a couple again. And if that’s what you want, then you have to change your behavior as advised, above. You also have to back off and let him come to you while at the same time, being your best self. You’ve already made it clear to him that you want him back. Now see if he wants you too — not by badgering him with texts, e-mails, phone calls and visits — but by waiting and watching to see if he shows you he wants you back.

I know this won’t be easy for you, but it’s the best way to proceed given what’s happened.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I could help. Let me know how things work out! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t sabotage your relationship. In fact, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s entirely possible that your medical crisis had nothing to do with your girlfriend starting to date someone else. You’d only dated for about three months in total, and it’s entirely normal — and even probable — that the relationship wouldn’t work out because one or the other of you didn’t find the other compatible. It’s just numbers, or the luck of the draw. That’s why dating IS a numbers game. The more people you date, the more likely you are to find Ms. Right, as long as you’re dating smart.

It sounds like your crisis and your girlfriend’s attentiveness and kindness made you feel like there was more there than there really was. In fact, if you hadn’t had had your crisis, she may have broken up with you sooner, but because you did have problems, she decided to stick by you. But now you’re well, thank goodness! 🙂 Your girlfriend was a real stand up girlfriend in your time of need — but it would be wrong of her to lie to you and pretend that she had feelings for you that aren’t there.

She wants to be civil at least and friendly with you at most. It’s entirely fair for you to continue to try and pursue her, but if she keeps saying no to your attempts to date her, then it would be wise to back off.

[Member]

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