[April Masini, your AskApril]

What is it that you actually like about a guy who is so socially awkward that he can only text you when he’s drunk and can’t initiate a normal conversation with you when you’re in the same room? 😕

The only thing that’s confusing here is why you like him. Do you feel like you need to fix or save people? Because if that’s the attraction you’ll end up taking care of him like a nurse or a mother rather than being his lover and girlfriend the way most people know these relationships to be.

Don’t waste any more time on figuring out why this guy has the problems he does. Start looking for a man who’s got his act together, and wants to be with you enough to ask you out on a date! You’ll be a lot happier with a normal guy. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If this is a continuation of a prior post, please remember to attach your new question to the end of the older post, which will move the whole, entire conversation to the front of the queue!

I don’t have enough information here to help you the way I would if you gave me more background. 😥

However…..based on what you’ve written here, it sounds like your boyfriend is dating someone else in addition to you, and you’re too emotionally involved with him to be part of the field he’s playing. So then why stay with him? If a man doesn’t value you for what you’d like to be to him, then you’re not compatible. And no matter how much you like him, the fact that he’s got a girlfriend other than you is going to give you pain. 🙁 It sounds like you want a boyfriend who is loyal and committed, and this guy isn’t that.

Find Mr. Right — he’s out there! And don’t settle for what hurts you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good for you! You deserve more than to be boyfriend #2!

Good luck in love. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your own ideas of what an ex’s communication may mean is limited. 😕 Lots of ex-girlfriends are friendly with their ex-boyfriends and ask what they’re doing for Christmas dinner, etc. In fact ex-spouses often get along well enough to chat the same way. So, get it out of your head that she wants more than a friendship. In fact, that may just be all she wants.

On the other hand, she may want to get back together again — but don’t put too much stock in that. It’s also really normal to have not seen an ex in 2 months, and when he calls to get together over the holidays, to agree to that. But that doesn’t mean anything more than a get together. In fact, even if you have a little bit of romance, your pattern with this woman is that she breaks up with you even after what you think are important and meaningful times together.

I think it’s fine for you to get together with her, but just don’t expect too much. I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

So glad to have helped you!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are not wrong to try and give it a chance with your baby mama (I know, it’s a gangsta term, but I’ve channeled my inner gangsta, too). The child deserves to have two parents, and every kid wants their parents to be married and happy. So now that it’s not just you that you have to care about, putting the child’s best interests first shows good character on your part, and I can tell that that is important to you.

As for your new girlfriend of 5 weeks, you should tell her the truth. Just blurt it out, and fill in the blanks. It’s great to find someone with whom you have awesome chemistry, who is beautiful and caring, and all the superlatives you used to describe her. However, life is more than just what we want. It’s ultimately about doing the right thing. So don’t be torn any more. Your soul mate may just be this child that’s coming — soul mates aren’t always romantic partners. Buckle up for your daughter or son, and see if you can make it work with your baby mama. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Actions speak louder than words, and while that phrase may be a cliche, it’s true! Your crush may talk the talk, but he sure isn’t walking the walk, and unless he asks you out, he’s not interested in you.

You, however, have the world at your fingertips. You’ve graduated high school and started college. You have all kinds of opportunities to meet men who want you! So why waste time with this talker? You’re better than this! 😉

Put your energy into yourself, and start flirting and assessing other men, and don’t you dare settle for someone who doesn’t treat you like a girlfriend! This is a great season to start looking for men to date who meet your standards of what a good boyfriend should be. So go to the parties, stand under the mistletoe and put yourself out there where all those good guys who want a girlfriend can see you! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Dexter!

I think I can help you. Being intellectual and sophisticated and book smart doesn’t always translate into being smart in relationships. In fact intellectualizing behavior keeps you at a distance that doesn’t always permit you to see what’s really happening, so see if you leave those skills on the shelf when you think about women.

Your best friend who is also your crush isn’t interested in you as more than a friend. I’m sorry that’s harsh, but maybe you’ll accept it that way. Your father is right — people don’t forget things that are important to them, and when you told your friend how much you liked her, she continued to date other men and even asked you for friendly advice about her boyfriend. The jury has returned with the result: she’s not interested. 😥

That said, when you mention how much of a problem you have with relationships, I think that if you could find a way to gather enough confidence to act rather than talk, you’ll have more success with women. Instead of telling your friend (or any other young woman) how much you like her, [i]show her[/i] instead. This involves flirting, gift giving and asking her out on dates. Women tend to like men who are confident and assertive. I’m sure you’ve got wonderful qualities as a young man, but unless you put yourself out there, which means risking rejection, you’ll find yourself sitting on the bench rather than getting a turn at bat.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is no magic wand to be waved that will help lessen the pain of rejection, and everybody has their own time frame for recovering from break ups and feelings of loss. The suggestions I gave you should help a lot. Exercise is also a great way for your body to generate endorphins, a natural chemical that combats depression, so get your exercise everyday.

If what your feeling is interfering with your day to day routine, then see your doctor or a psychiatrist who may be able to help you with what I can’t.

Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for your compliments! I’m glad I was able to help. 🙂

I think your manta for the holiday season is definitely, “slow down”. In your latest post you seem to promote your boyfriend/fiance more than you did in your first post, but still…..you shouldn’t marry a guy who’s personality you’re hoping will change with the wave of a magic wand. 🙄 If you feel like you need to settle, then you’re in a position to do it with this guy, but you really don’t sound comfortable with the idea of settling.

That ticking clock is scaring you a lot and it may be the catalyst for your making hasty and bad decisions. When something causes you fear, the way to overcome that feeling is to face it. So, if you can make friends with your ticking clock, rather than allowing it to rule your life, you’re going to have peace and make good decisions. So, remember that you have one child already — and when that ticking clock strikes anxiety in your heart, remind yourself of your beautiful 6 year old boy, and that the clock can’t take that child away. He’s here to stay. And then tell yourself that you you really don’t know if you’ll be able to have another child again, and accept that part of yourself. If you can and do have another child, and that’s what life brings you, then fabulous, and if you can’t, you’re going to be grateful and thankful for what you do have. If you can really absorb this, then your fear will fade away, and that ticking biological clock won’t rule your life.

My advice is not to look for a man as a baby-making tool. Look for a good man who is compatible with you whether or not you are able to ever have another baby. Be honest when you date (because I have a feeling you’re going to be dating again soon) about what you’re looking for and be honest with yourself that you want a man who is open and willing to have another child, but will be content if this is all there is.

Maturity doesn’t come easily, but that’s what you need to muster up right now.

Good luck! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your problem is that you’re not in love with your girlfriend, and you’re not interested in making the relationship work any more. For you, it’s run it’s course. The problem is that you’re still in it.

Your friend, L, isn’t the answer. Your freedom is. Staying in your current relationship in order to “tie up loose ends” like the debt you and your girlfriend have acquired together, isn’t necessarily a good idea at this point. When you’re ready to move on, the longer you don’t move on, the more complicated things get.

Unravelling a relationship is uncomfortable and often messy because someone has to move out, the furniture gets split up, the dog goes to one or another of you, and there are usually intense feelings of anger on at least one of the couples’ parts — in this case your girlfriend will probably feel angry, devastated, and a million other feelings. She may act out. You may act out, and all of this keeps the unravelling of your home from progressing gracefully — but…it has to be done. If you feel guilty about breaking up with your girlfriend then do something that will alleviate that guilt — like taking on the entire mutual debt rather than holding her responsible — or giving her the dog or something that makes you feel like you’ve taken the high road in ending things.

If you do break up this week, then you’re going to feel an enormous sense of relief and freedom about exploring a relationship with L — and other women. L is not the beginning or the end of your current problem. She’s just a reminder that you’re not happy in your current relationship and that there are other women out there with whom you are more compatible. And next time around, don’t jump into a relationship before really getting to know a woman a lot better than you did your current girlfriend.

I know that this is going to be a difficult holiday season for you, but focus on the biggest picture you can muster up: extricating yourself from a relationship you are done with has to be your main priority. Moving on with L or any other women is secondary.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and good luck! You can do this. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The answer to your question about who you should date and who you shouldn’t date, has more to do with you than either of the two men. You have to figure out what you want. It sounds like you want to have a marriage or a long term, committed relationship with a man.

Since you dated Mr. A for 2 years, and didn’t really get a commitment from him, I’d seriously question his intentions. In addition to that reason for not continuing with Mr. A, after you broke up with him in August, you took him back again, and broke up shortly thereafter because you couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. W. If you dropped him again so easily, I just don’t think Mr. A is going to be Mr. Right for you!

However, Mr. W has been very upfront with you that he doesn’t want a relationship right now, so I think you have to take him at his word, and rule him out.

Neither one of these guys is worth your spending any more time on because neither one is right for you. Get back out there and keep dating until you find Mr. Right, but don’t waste your time with men who aren’t going to be that guy for you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you don’t have a crystal ball, all you do is pay attention to what you DO know, and what you DO know is that you’re dating a woman who’s also dating another man. My suggestion to you is that rather than giving her all the power in the relationship, you decide your role in all of this.

You can try and win her over (read my book called Date Out of Your League, written for men, that you can purchase here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], and it will give you the secrets of how to win any woman over). Or, you can date her and continue to date other people, keeping your own search for Ms. Right, brewing. Or, you can decide that you’ve invested enough time in this woman and don’t want to be taken for granted and move on to find someone who wants to date you and only you.

Those are 3 options, and the choice of which option to pick is yours.

Let me know how they resonate with you. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

While your boyfriend of several years may be wonderful, it sounds like you’re either looking for more or else you’ve got a chronic drama issue where you’re not comfortable with things being just fine, and so when they are, you stir up drama to disrupt the peace.

You haven’t given me enough information to go on about yourself — you’ve mostly told me that your boyfriend is great and that you have a fantasy life with a guy who isn’t interested in you. This problem is going to be solved from within yourself because it’s not about what anyone else is doing.

So, dig deep and figure out why you want something else in your life, and whether that something else is a new boyfriend who’s more compatible than your current boyfriend is or if you want to stir up drama to satisfy some historic, dysfunctional pattern you’ve inherited from your family.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes sex isn’t about mechanics or technique, but about feelings. Passion is the number one elixir for desire and I think that there are ways you can reignite your passion by bolstering your romance and intimacy. I’ve written a book called Romantic Date Ideas that you can buy here [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. It’s a book written for couples who are dating or married. I get lots of correspondence from people who want to spice things up just like you do, and this book suggests and guides you through scenarios that are meant to get your juices flowing, not just downstairs, but upstairs (in your brain!), too. See if this book helps you, and let me know if any of the dates I’ve set up for you in the book are particularly useful.

Looking forward to hearing back from you! 🙂

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