[Anonymous]

DON’T THINK about that guy because of he is actually a cheater.
I can understand that distances matters, but with 5 another girls?
do you think he actually sorry?
he is trying to cheat you.
ONE thing more, next time don’t believe on long distance or chat relation.
JUST CHILL AND FORGOT THAT GUY BECAUSE LIFE NEVER STAY AT ANY LOCATION AND I HOPE YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD RELATION NEXT TIME.

[Anonymous]

Well he asked me out to lunch several times and also my number, is that considered asking for a date or no?

[Anonymous]

You said you are shy and quiet and mind your own business. He sounds creepy. He has deliberately continued to talk to you because he senses you might be someone who will just go along with what he wants — to date young girls. Do NOT go anywhere with him. Stop talking to him, and if he initiates a conversation, keep walking. Find people your own age and make an effort to get to know them. Slowly start making plans with them and try to get more involved in your own life. You will start to see him differently if you do, I promise.

[Anonymous]

I think that in general guys like to do the chasing, so after your makeout session at his house, I think you should stop texting and emailing him and let him do some of the work. If he wants to see you, you’ll know it. Guys that are interested tend to make their presence known. If he isn’t contacting you, you should assume he isn’t interested and let it go. You already mentioned that he didn’t respond to your question about what he is doing over the weekend. Take that as your cue to stop contacting him. I think you know the answer to your question but you are waiting for someone else to tell you anyway: you are coming across as clingy and desperate. 😕 You can do better for yourself than that. Focus on your life and your friends and let this go. You are coming across as too available so he is treating you as such, saying “see you soon” which is purposely vague and non-committal.

[Anonymous]

How was I trying to impose my will on him when he pressured me to be in the relationship and be his friend from the beginning? I may make men I know aren’t good for me good for me anyway because I want to find love that bad, setting myself up for disater, but “imposing”? No…and I don’t agree that it’s all my fault. I am only mad at myself for letting an emotionally unstable man into my life,believing everything he said, and allowing myself to be taken advantage of. & he wasn’t mean…just depressing and very negative.

[Anonymous]

[quote=”April Masini”]If you act like a doormat people will step on you left and right. This problem isn’t about him — he’s been consistent from day one. The problem is you. You dated a guy who was never very nice to you and now you’re surprised that he’s behaving the way anyone looking in from outside could have predicted.

You need to take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want from a relationship and how you’re going to get that. You also have to pay attention to peoples’ behavior and believe it — because it sounds like you were trying to impose your will on him to make him be someone he’s not and never was.

You should read Think & Date Like A Man immediately. You can buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon — or right here! [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It will help you understand what men’s behavior means, and how to find the man you want — and keep him.

I hope this helps you get over the anger that you’re misdirecting at him. The truth is you’re mad at yourself, but it’s easier to blame him. Do the hard work and change your own behavior. The pay off will be huge. I promise. 😉

Please follow me, as well, @AskAprilcom (no dot) on Twitter. 😀[/quote]

How was I trying to impose my will on him when he pressured me to be in the relationship and be his friend from the beginning? I may make men I know aren’t good for me good for me anyway because I want to find love that bad, setting myself up for disaster, but “imposing”? No…and I don’t agree that it’s all my fault. I am only mad at myself for letting an emotionally unstable man into my life,believing everything he said, and allowing myself to be taken advantage of. & he wasn’t mean…just depressing and very negative.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the support. But what is your opinion on the books I mentioned in my last reply? Thanks

[Anonymous]

I agree with April. It’s your fear of rejection that is making you complicate this. Just take a deep breath, and ask. Call (no email, text, or facebook — too indirect), chat for a few minutes, and just do it. Not “Hang with me/friends”, not “Have dinner sometime” but very explicitly: “Would you like to have dinner next Saturday night?” Then listen carefully to her response. If she says she’d love to but she’s busy, call her again a week or two later and ask again. Perhaps three tries and then if still busy, ask if she’d like you to continue to ask or not. (Be brave — it’s hard, but you gotta practice this because you’ll be doing it again maybe…yes? Besides, the more you do it, the easier it becomes). I mean what’s the worst that can happen? She says no? You’ll live. And who knows, she might actually say yes. Practice being lighthearted about the whole process so no matter what the outcome, you know you tried and gave it your best shot. Good luck!

p.s. I do recommend the direct question about dinner because women get confused when you ask if they would like to “hang out”. We can’t tell if it’s a date, a casual request that might get cancelled at the last minute, or what. It smacks of a bit of disrespect. We don’t know how it reflects on us if we say yes. Does that mean we’re too available? Is it a date? Is it a friendship? What is it?

[Anonymous]

Thanks April. I actually broke up with him on Friday prior to reading your post. But it seems like we are on the same page.

It was definitely hard and sad. I do really miss him, but I know I need some time to focus on myself. And if he comes back a few months down the road changed maybe I will give it another shot. But I don’t know and I don’t want to make any promises either way.

I do have a guy friend in my life that wants to date me but I am taking things slow there as well. I know he willingly does all the things I had lacking in my previous relationship. I don’t want to become dependent on him though. I am afraid to truly give him a shot until I figure out how I feel about my ex.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reply. I have already tried that. She said she couldnt do it anymore and rejected it. But crying as she said no. I dont know. I want us to remain together as a family. But I dont know where to stary cuz im confused so much. And I have 1 quick question. Do you agree with advice that all these “get your ex back” ebooks are telling us. Like for example “the Ex2 system” and “the magic of making up”. I have not really found any reviews on there tactics and just wanting an experts opinion. Thanks. Great website

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice. I will try to heed it soon, as it sounds like a great way to accomplish what I want.

[Anonymous]

Because as soon as you don’t fight the end of the relationship, he wants it again. That is human nature (to want what we perceive we can’t have). If you are super-aware, you don’t do that — you are consistent and stick to what you say — but not everyone has that level of integrity within themselves (integrity meaning actions consistent with stated intentions). Most of us don’t — even though we try! And, since he is ambivalent (he likes or loves you but he wants his freedom to explore dating), his ambivalence spells a bucking bronco/emotional-rollercoaster for you — if you let it. You are doing great! Stay strong and keep focusing on your life. Stay away from the places that you might run into him right now. Look into joining a group (bike club, dance club, book club, gym?) that will bring you into contact with new people. Even a short trip away from your town will give you perspective. Do you have a good friend or family member you could visit?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people don’t always say what they really mean. Even you seem to think his *not ready* for a relationship is just an excuse for what he is not saying because you put it in quotes (or asterisks!). Reading between the lines, it seems that this guy decided you and he weren’t a good romantic match and he backed off. You have said in your post that you were skeptical of things working out romantically with him. Well it seems that he was also. Therefore, it seems as if you both weren’t sure of the outcome but you both decided to give it a try. There is nothing wrong with that and people do it all the time. (Read posts here!). A really important thing right now is for you to “own” your own skepticism about converting this friendship to romance and be honest with yourself that you weren’t sure about changing a friendship into a romantic relationship with him. If you can see that, you possibly won’t be too disheartened about it not becoming a romantic relationship. And you will see that you have done nothing wrong, and should be proud that you were adventurous enough to give it a try. And if it didn’t (or doesn’t ) work, that’s okay. Not every friendship converts into romance. If you value him as a friend, keep the friendship. But give things time to clear — for yourself. That means giving yourself permission not to contact him and giving yourself some space and time. As much as you need. You don’t have to justify that to him or to explain why. Just withdraw for a while while you take a bit of time to recover. Take care of yourself first, don’t worry about what he is going through or his reaction. He can take care of himself — as he has shown. This time is for you — and you alone. When and if you do run into him again in the future, you will be ready to be friendly but discerning, and appropriate and genuine in your response. That is the best gift you can give yourself — permission to take care of yourself first. Most important though also, to address your fear issues — for any future relationships.

[Anonymous]

Thank you… it does make sense up to a point but it puts a doubt to the true definition of Trust.

Does Trust have limitation and exceptions? If there is truely Trust between two people, doesn’t it include that special understanding that each partner has the best at heart for the other and will be non-judgemental? Just because each has the others login doesn’t mean they will check out each others emails or even if they do they will unnecessarily get involved… if there is nothing to hide what do two Trusting partners have to fear by sharing emails logins?

Look forward to your thoughts….thanks.

[Anonymous]

april please help!

[Member]

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