[Anonymous]

You should definitely leave him, and in an authoritative way. Call him and let him know it’s over. Do not hesitate by saying things like, “We need to talk.” Let him know you’re tired of the way he treats you and it’s over. No matter what he says, do not budge. Leave him with no question of getting back together. He may say he’ll change, but that’s most likely a lie. I can almost guarantee if you do not take action now, it will get worse. He needs to sort his own problems out on his own. Not take it out on his “girlfriend” who he treats like a sex slave. I hope you will not let this guy continue to run your life and abuse you.

[Anonymous]

I came here and looked for this post just to thank you once again 🙂
I did move on. Whatever seemed impossible to happen, did happen.
All these months..i did so many new things and i feel i have really grown as a person, so i’m glad it happened because i’m really proud of who i’ve become after that phase!

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I am sorry this is happening to you. I can totally understand how he is making you feel. I hate to break it to you hun but he does not seem to be that interested in anything serious. Are you two intimate with each other? If you are then he only seems to be interested in hooking up once a week for sex. You can try what I like to call the “pull-back method” and see how he responses to that. The method is basically allowing him to chase you a bit. Let him miss you. Do not always be so available to him. When he calls or text you take your time to respond back and be very short. Play like you are busy on the day he wants to see you. I want you to understand that this may grab his attention to communicate with you more, but he is clearly not interested in a committed relationship. So if you are wanting something more serious with this guy you are wasting your time.

[Anonymous]

If you are only meeting once a week after a year of dating, then you are dating and NOT in an exclusive relationship. If you were exclusive, your guy would be looking to spend MORE time with you and initiate MORE communication with you. Therefore, you can take your cue from his level of personal contact and know that you are dating him and should look to date other men as well. If including this man in your decision to “play the field” doesn’t feel right after a year of dating, then stop seeing him and focus your attention on your life and other people. He does not seem interested in taking this dating situation to the next level, so either accept that and date other people besides him or move on completely and leave him to SMS with his female coworker.

[Anonymous]

Hey April (me again)

Really sorry about the novel.lol.
I really want to thank you for taking the time to respond to my post – I can see you’re a very popular lady and have a lot of people to write back to… so I really do appreciate your efforts.

Funny how you mentioned blood work – because I not long had a blood test and I can’t remember what they said word for word… but it was something like the hormone in my thyroid was slightly low which effects the balance of things and can make me feel lethargic and so forth (which is what I have been experiencing) . I didn’t think at the time to ask whether that had any bearing on my libido but going on by what you suggested I think I will visit another GP and ask about it and get another blood test done – so thank you for the suggestion.

Ah yes, I didn’t mention my stresses because I feel they are (putting in bluntly) quite pathetic. (sigh) I know there’s no such thing as a mid life crisis at the age of 24yrs but I sure feel like I am riding at the back of one – just without the yeehaa at the end of it.

I feel that everyone and everything is stressful in my mind. To be honest, I fear I am my own worst enemy for example: Starting things and never finishing them – Having big expectations/ideas about what I want to accomplish only to find that their sooo big I can’t get my head around starting them – so I just don’t bother at all. But I know the answer to this problem…. I can’t get my head around these things because my swollen head is in the way – the real question is what can you do about it?

This is not including everyday challenges (which I will spare you from) but I’ll just give you one example which brings me back to what I originally wrote to you about which is: My low libido and not fulfilling my partners needs and desires because moi has just zoned out and left the building. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all doom and gloom……. Urm…… just 70 to 80% of it haha.

I kinda lied initially when I wrote to you…. It hasn’t been 5 months. My problem has been going on for almost a year!!! It’s these past 2 months that has been most difficult especially for my partner. Bless his cotton socks…. The poor guy hasn’t seen any action at all – heaven knows why he is still with me. It’s a big ouch! Factor for both of us.

I’m not expecting to you to answer this question I’m just putting it out there so here I go again.

You understand there is a problem (low libido) and logically you know you have to fix it.

But how do you bounce back to your old sexy self when at present you feel comfortable with the way things are? The only thing that is pleasing me at the moment is the companionship of my partner, good food, good drink and the softness of my bed when I go to sleep – that’s it.

Very sad…….. But unfortunately…….. Very true.

P.s. Do you think it’s time to send the men in with white jackets? haha

Amzi

[Anonymous]

Alright, then! I added you in Facebook 🙂 Have a nice day 😀

[Anonymous]

I hear you guys thank you for the advice. I will admit I am in shock I didnt see this coming and he never told me in the build up. What hurts the most is that I am in shock, but I will try my best to move on as best as I can all I know is I never want to feel this way again. Thinking back on my relationship and the two and a half years that we were together and four years I have known him is not worth a second of the week of heartbreak I have been through so far, it just isnt.

Life is way too short to invest so much time and effort in this just to end up where I am and I know sometimes it doesnt end up there but I feel like my heart has been ripped up and its just not worth it.

Thank you guys for all your words of wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday he told me that he received a scholarship for a phd and he is moving to the U.K in October so we can try. Do you think I shouldn’t? We also talk almost daily via skype and facebook. (We are not together though officially now because I am jealous of him and he is jealous of me). Do you think talking to him is a bad idea because my mind keeps stuck on him?

I ordered the book, it seems fun 🙂 Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I hear you guys and my head is telling me this but i have known this guy for four years and when i spoke to him over the phone it sounded like a different person!!! it sounded not like his words but the words of his friends he sounded so angry thats why i thought maybe give him time to cool off. Everything was fine up until christmans when all his friends came to visit and he went to see his family and I think they have probably had some part to play. becuase he always said i told my friends all the things i did for you and they said if tey had a man like that they would have treated him differently. I think i am more pissed that i am given an unfair assessment of me because this relationship has been a two way street.

I am not contacting him anymore because like you have all said he has made it clear it just sounded like another man a very angry man who has the wrong end of the stick.

I am not going to contact him like i said hes supposed to call me but im going to give myself time to move on and when he does call i feel i am going to have to break some home truths to him.

Like he told me his mom was like maybe you could meet another girl in six months and get married but when he mentioned to his mom he was thinking of marrying me she told him you shouldnt think of those things. Like he was just flat out mean he was like i dont even talk to you right now im thinking about talking to some other girl and wanting to be with someone else.

Im sorry that is unneccessary for a break up and I am going to give him some space but I am going to get to say my piece because after four years is this what i get oh youre just some girl. This would be alot easier to understand if it sounded like the guy i knew but I suspect outside influences.

I accidentally deleted him on fb yes accidentally and i sent him a friend request and emailed him to say im sorry and he said he was a bit shocked!!! I was like you cant be that shocked its like he is purposely being mean this isnt like his personality or him. If this was normal or even something I could understand i could. I will accept it and move on but I think I am only going to get closure when I tell him some home truths about himself since he was so keen to tell me about me and things he was just picking at were so stupid like oh you never appreciated me when i gave him massages cooked ironed like just little things. And what i dont get hes still got a picture of us up on fb as his profile pic why not just take it down if youre so keen to be single and free.

I hear the advice and it is good and im not going to hold on to anything but this doesnt feel over i feel like i need to tell him he hasnt found someone else i know but its all too weird.
I think his ego has been inflated a little bit and Ill move on but i dont know

[Anonymous]

Dear what do i do:

You do what all of us have had to do at some time in our past: you move on with your life. Take as much time as you need. Eat as much ice cream as you like. But move forward from this relationship. ➡ Be kind to yourself. But be honest too. This guy is sending very clear signals — his words and actions — that the relationship with you is over. Accept that as gracefully as you can. Give yourself a separation period from him — no calls or texts, no Facebook postings, or ANY other kind of contact. Make plans with your friends and follow-though. Talk to your friends and family and even a counselor if needed. And do something nice just for you every single day. It doesn’t even have to cost anything. It can be putting on your black eyeliner, looking in the mirror and telling yourself how beautiful you really are. And one other thing: you can’t be friends with someone you’ve just broken up with. So really, NO contact right now. The relationship is over, so he isn’t THE ONE. You want to take good care of yourself now so that when THE ONE does appear, you’re ready.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your dating mishap! It sounds like she was really into you and then caught a glimpse of a not-too-pretty dark side.

If I were her, I would also not reply to your holiday spam text. If anything, it would just fuel my perception of you as a superficial jerk looking to love ’em and leave ’em.

Now, in fairness to you, it sounds like this was all a bit of a blip made by a dating adolescent finding his feet. If this was really just a one off moment of confusion and sexual tension, perhaps you should try a fully fledged overture of apology. It’s going to take a lot more than a text to gain a sane girl’s trust, but she sounds like she might be worth the effort.

I suggest watching “Say Anything”, “Can’t Buy Me Love”, and “16 Candles”… get inspired and get creative to try to win her back. If your grand gestures can’t warm her up again, you might just have to forget the notch and add this one up for experience, wish her well and don’t make the same mistake again.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I feel like I have the worst luck because last week I went on a date with a girl and sure enough I ran into my ex’s BEST friend and when I asked who she was with she replied “oh just some friends” and winked. I know she was with my ex and nothing even came out of this date but I’m sure my ex is probably thinking I have a new girlfriend now and is mad at me. Of course this has to create a whole new element.

Thanks for the great advice, I did exactly as you said. I tried calling and received no response so I sent her a pretty long text message telling her exactly how I felt. If I was trying to get back with her I woudl never have said the things I did. I emphasized that I am not trying to get her back (which I can accept now) and I told her that it’s probably for the best. She didn’t respond to it which hurts me so I told her that I don’t want to be best buddies but I want to be on good terms. I know I need to put her behind me but there’s so much pain when the most important person in your life of the past 5 years wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you. However, I know she has a heart and all I want is for her to understand even if that means were no longer together. I really care about this girl and not just romantically. It’s been hard living with myself because it’s tough being alone and all I can do is think that I deserve to be alone because there’s something wrong with me. Even though it seems totally irrational its casting a ton of self doubt and not helping me enjoy life and meet new people

[Anonymous]

He cheated on his gf with me, his best of friend.He did not cheat on me.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your speedy input April! I agree I need to support myself, and I was until mid September of this year, I lost my job due to “economy” but they were really replacing staff with family members. Since then, finding work has become such a chore, and since I cannot drive anywhere (I live 18 miles out of the nearest town) it makes things even harder. Unfortunately, my name is on the lease, so he would be the one to move out, but then… I would have to also. I agree a steady income from my end would definitely change the circumstances in many ways.

As far as friends, the people I thought I knew and held close were the ones who were lying all along. I do not know who my friends are anymore, and that is probably also my fault.
I am afraid to show my face around town I am so embarrassed, people are starting to talk. That is why I wrote you, I do not feel I can or have anyone to turn to.

I think I need some time to reflect on myself but I am afraid what he will do with extra time on his hands. Stupid of me I know, but you are right, I am afraid of being left in destitution. I am only 25 but I do not want to start all over when I have put so much effort into what I have now. I know I cannot change him but if there is any possibility to patch things up, I would rather. Do you think we just need a separation period? Do you think alcohol is a factor? I do not think by any means, alcohol is an excuse but could it be part of the cause? He was drinking (how much, I do not know) when he did these things. Alternatively, is he just lying to himself and me? Maybe the alcohol allows him to be who he really is (or wants to be). What are the signs he is trying to fix things? Should they be obvious?

[Anonymous]

Please delete this post and my post before it. I was incorrect regarding the conversation. It was loud and I misheard what was said.

As far as I am concerned, my girlfriend and I have been able to improve our communication and have been able to work through our challenges.

[Member]

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