[Anonymous]

This sounds like a huge manipulation. Basically, he’s spent the last 6 years treating you like second-rate trash and when you finally decide you are worth a little more than last night’s empty chinese takeout container, he tries to make you feel like something worse than garbage for your insensitivity.

The fact is, if you were important in his life, you would have been the person he called the minute he found out his father had the stroke, because if you were important to him, he’d have wanted to have your love and support to get him through the time. At the very least, he would have let you know that he would be MIA for a bit as a result of what was happening. That’s what adults who care about each other do.

It’s pretty obvious this guy doesn’t care for you one bit.

Who knows if his story is true or not, but either way, you did the right thing and I hope you aren’t packing your bags for the guilt trip he has tried to put you on. Walk away from this emotionally unavailable game player, and do yourself a favour… change your number/email/life and keep him out of it. Unless this guy is in his early 20’s or younger, he’s too old to be given any more chances for change and offering that just leaves the window open for the next time he’s lonely, but not looking for a mature and respectful relationship.

Move on and soon enough you’ll see how destructive this self-absorbed loser has been on your psyche. You’ll wonder why you were ever confused or stayed so long!

[Anonymous]

But why would she not want to be friends do you think? And why didn’t she tell me before she disappeared?

[Anonymous]

Wow, you know what? No one was even “angry” in the first place, I asked for advice on something you never addressed, and it’s messed up that you turned a thread where someone was seeking advice into a bashing, judging-frenzy. I asked how to get over the pain regarding a horrible break up and relationship, and you tell me I did this and I did that, I ask you what did I do exactly and to give me proof from my posting and you proceed to continuously & randomly call me angry for no reason and without basis. You have no right to tell me how I feel, because you don’t know and it isn’t known over the web nor is that relevant. I asked you simple questions and all I needed were simple answers, not assumptions and judgments about ME.

You expect me to not get angry over time after you tell me constantly that I’m angry opposed to just answering my damn questions? I asked for simple advice and you never answered it, but instead you misunderstood my post and went on a “you’re angry and you did this and you did that” rant and I ask you to support it, to give me a reason for the things you concluded other than the fact that you’re just trying to build a rep that you tell people “what Dear Abby doesn’t have the guts to say”, and you didn’t. I wasted my time typing that long post for advice. This board was a sham and I’m thoroughly, & tremendously disappointed.

If someone here would please read my post and while not letting her posts influence your perceptions, give me advice I ask for that pertains to my actual situation, please? It would be very much appreciated.

Thank you (not) and goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Why are you with this guy? He is keeping contact with a sleaze who is flirting with your boyfriend and he is doing the same. He isn’t being respectful to you as your boyfriend and eventually he will cheat on you. It is natural to be attracted to others while being in a relationship yes, but one who has respect for the other does what they can to keep contact limited or not keep it at all. If he really took you seriously he wouldn’t knowingly keep talking with this sleaze and distance himself from her, be honest with you and let that attraction go and work on your relationship. Why are you letting this happen? You don’t seem to believe you deserve better. Don’t you know that its better to be alone than to be in a relationship with no respect or honesty? You are holding onto this guy because you don’t want to be alone and without him; he’s all you know. That always changes, it’s called growing up. Don’t expect that he will be there alongside you forever. Learn to have some respect for yourself, have some dignity, some pride. There are men out there who will respect you. Exercise your backbone, demand respect from this dude. Do that by telling him how uncomfortable you are about the situation and how you want it to stop. If you won’t respect yourself, neither will he.

Answer: Stand up for yourself; tell him to STOP or LEAVE.

[Anonymous]

Wait, arent you a woman?

[Anonymous]

clearly you have noticed these things. he definately likes you 😉

[Anonymous]

You’re staying in the relationship out of guilt; you feel you owe him and his family something so you suffer just to make them happy, just so they won’t think anything badly of you. That is not the way to live. You need to live for yourself and no one else, you need to work on making yourself happy and stop trying to please everyone else. Do what’s best for you and your children, yes, but remember, you can’t give to your children your full potential if you’re unhappy and unsatisfied with your life and yourself. You’re far too young to be locked down to someone you aren’t even in love with. You should be learning about yourself & what makes you happy, living that experience and finding out about life and all the joys it comes with it that many youngsters seek after. Young relationships tend to foil because they settled down way too fast without experiencing the opposite sex, having fun and enjoying life, so that comes out during the marriage or when they get older. You are making a huge mistake and you need to fix it. Go live with family or something until you can put that degree to use so you can feed your kids, and get out of that relationship and go find one you deserve to be in. Everyone deserves love and to be happy, so why not you? You owe yourself that much.

Answer: GO!

[Anonymous]

No no, sorry let me clear up some confusion. I never contacted her. The contact part: I was overwhelmed with everything in my life including our relationship and the fights, so I kinda pulled a disappearing act, meaning not answering her messages, not calling her back, not contacting her etc. One day she called after a while of this and she asked what happened, and while I didn’t initially bring it up when she called, she kept asking so I finally told her I wanted to be single and told her reasons why I couldn’t contact her or answer her contacts…life was rough, so…

Then after I tried to give her an explanation WHY I wanted to break up with her and let her know she wasn’t gentle enough with me. I’m really sensitive and am having a rough time right now with school, my emotions, my parents and dependence on them. I felt inadequate and told her she had issues and that she hurt me because she has said horrible things to me during fights. All in all, I gave her the reason why I wanted to be single, and she cried yes, but she didn’t argue my points and when I asked her if we could be friends she said YES! That’s the thing…she said YES…I asked her to call me every week. I was expecting a call the next week and never got one. several months has passed and I have heard nothing from her, and she blocked me on Facebook. Mind you, last we spoke, we ended on good terms, she said we could be friends and speak every week and that was that….so why is it that she has disappeared now?

[Anonymous]

Did you even read that post? It was relatively long and explained everything your previous posts were about and you don’t respond to them? I thought this was supposed to be an advice thread? I asked for advice on trying to know and make sense of why he did what he did to me and how I can get over the pain, and you blame me, misunderstand things and ridicule it. I will ask again: what did I say in my posts that suggest I was trying to make him something he wasn’t? What was I trying to make him, how was it my fault and why is he not responsible for any of his part?

[Anonymous]

Well it was going good after I discovered a girls number on facebook, he asked for it..so I confronted him and he lied so I was like come on I know when you lied and then he said he did to see if he still has it going on..stupid guy. Idk I am getting tired of his games and I think I might leave him even if he decided to engage me….he keeps lying to me and all I do is cook for him and clean for him..everything..he lied that he went to the gym and went to go drink instead..I am fed up….how he expects me to have another child with him if he keeps playing with me….thanks for your advice! I am so stress…

[Anonymous]

Holyyyy cow girl I love your question… Ok I’ll give you the facts whether you like it or not you needma wakeup call. He hasn’t contacted you because he is no longer interested in you or should I say attracted to you period. The remarks at the end is basically saying I want to keep you around as a just in case thing as it’s usually better to have some backup than it would be to eliminate you for good. Women do this often they will say I just have been very busy lately but send me a text sometime and then always respond way later or not at all and purposely prevent the guy from making any moves what so ever. He is doing the same thing at the moment and he has total control over you he knows he can come back to you at any time he pleases but he doesn’t because your not what makes him happy in life and I’m sorry its that way. Pick up your losses and find a new man to eventually love who will reciprocate you can be attracted to more than one man it just takes time dear.

[Anonymous]

Ok you know this and I know this first of all. What is it we know you ask well here it is basically your bf is secretly attracted to this girl he would love to take her aside and ya do her brains out. Buttttttt he’s not doing that and the reason is he believes your better for him longterm where as she would probably be a fling. It would be very difficult to mess with her and keep the relationship with you where you don’t find out. From how she’s acting by her unneeded contact with your bf it sounds like she has some attraction for him as well but probably not enough to actually act out on anything. Everything there doing is basically like trying to find excuses to get closer to each other where it appears innocent but it’s not it’s actually very deadly the way there acting. If you don’t force him to eliminate contact then bad things will eventually happen. The only time I wasn’t on my exes side about a topic was when I was sexually attracted to the girl who was causing the drama because I secretly wished I could have sex with her but I didn’t want to make it obvious because I didn’t want to lose my security with the relationship I had. If you have any other questions reply to this and I can discuss this with you more as I enjoy helping people and giving advice.

[Anonymous]

Ok I like your message I’m going through a restraining order myself so i want to help. First of all do not break the order you can go to jail dude plus fines and so on. On the restraining order you were served she made accusations about you and that is how she got the restraining order. Look on the restraining order paperwork are the all the truth or was she lying to the court to get this order. Second its not always easy to get an order dropped even if she wanted to because she is viewed as being in danger that’s why they authorized it. She took legal means to keep you away and if she truly wants to forgive you then go to court and see if you can get it amended. To do this she will need to admit to the court she lied and that it was falsified which should get the judge to drop it. If she cares about you and wants to really rekindle then she will do this so you can legal be around her without any repercussions. Getting a restraining order isn’t a game it’s serious stuff I know you love her but it goes to show you she can screw you big time. In my case my ex filed a restraining order is asking for sole custody of the kids and wants 600 in child support and only supervised visits at a facility a few hrs a week with my kids. I happen to have a witness and some proof that her accusations are false so I’m lucky I can get the restraining order dropped since I know it was falsified but if it weren’t for proving that to the judge that girl would get everything she asked for. So be careful even if you got this girl back if she choose to do it again she could take you for everything you got if you don’t watch your back and protect yourself she will use your weakness of being in love with her to manipulate you and take you down. In the long run it won’t work but if the sex is good shes pretty and you cant imagine life without her just remember to be prepared for her to one day turn on you and be prepared to defend yourself. It’s really not a healthy loving relationship but it may be better than being along for 6 months to find a new hot girl so good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that does help, thank you. One thing I was confused about though was that he said once after i referenced him wanting to date me, that i wasn’t hs type, which was accompanied with a hysterical laugh. He also said once, “Just go out to dinner, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

It’s not really a date or me he’s interested in, right?

[Anonymous]

How did I try and make him someone he wasn’t? What was I trying to make him into since I was obviously doing that? I mean, are we reading my posts here? What did you get from my posting that made you believe I was trying to make someone into someone else? Expecting someone to be a good friend and not stab you in the back and blame you for problems they had before they even met you is not me trying to “make him into someone he is not” it is me expecting that he be a decent human being and a good, loyal friend like I was.

ANYONE who is decent and human expects this from others, especially those you THOUGHT cared about you. And anyone who has been in my position knows what pressure in a relationship mean. You have never been in that position so you of course don’t understand and ridicule the idea. You basically are saying that it was my fault, I was in the wrong and he is the victim who did nothing wrong. How could anyone read that post and get THAT from it?

[Member]

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