[Anonymous]

April, I do thank you for your reply and advice, however, I am just so confused by what my boyfriend has said, that it seems I would be making a mistake to believe he wants out and walk away myself. I, not so long ago, opened the door wide for him in a very calm, unemotional way and made it very easy for him to walk away from the relationship then. He seemed very upset that I thought that was what he wanted and he told me he did not want to walk away and did not want me to give up on us.

[Anonymous]

Hey buddy you are to nice.

Come on going shopping.

1 Are you in to her
2 If so start playing the bad boy. Many a women will leave a guy after a flower accompanied fine dinner only to go up to the apartment freshen up her makeup and go out and meet the guy who has been hanging with the boys while you have been shelling out the cash.
He gets her fed and a few drinks later you do the math.
3 You over think react a bit more. This quality will probably make you an excellent doc but not so much with the ladies.

4 If you have trouble with this invite Mr Jose Quervo with your next outing. Never fails. Then be clear about your motives.

Your a nice guy hope my daughter finds a guy like you some day. But you know what they saty about nice guys.

[Anonymous]

thats ridiculous. dump him.

[Anonymous]

You know, this sounds very similar to what i am dealing with now, my current gf has been texting this guy every day, 15-25 times a day, and when i confront her, she just becomes angry and tells me to shut up.

I do not know where to go, who to turn to, I have no close friends , I just feel so alone in this world without her. It hurts me so much.

Every emotion you are feeling now I am feeling the exact same.

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I know the feeling. I have been dating this guy for about 3 yrs now and he also is into computer games and plays all night and sleeps all day. What I can tell you, that things don’t get better at least not in my view. I have continually waited for him to finish what he was doing to find out that it was going to last longer than he expected or that he just goes on to another thing in the game. I also feel as if I am not important enough to him as he can not stop playing the game to spend time with me.

This has gotten worse over the years. There are sometimes when we don’t have sex for months and we usually only have sex when I complain and argue with him. Now our relationship has hit rock bottom, as I am sick of sleeping by myself and not getting the affection and attention that I deserve. I really believe that this game has interfered with his last job that he got laid off from since he was late for work all the time because he couldn’t go to bed at a reasonable hour so that he would get up in time.

I am ready to throw in the towel with our relationship as I don’t know what to do anymore. He also doesn’t see the big deal in me waiting for him or him playing his game all hours of the night. I was only asking for him to spend some time with me. If he plays the game for 12 hrs straight, he should be able to play less and spend some of it with me, but he doesn’t.

He will say he loves me, but I don’t see it that way when he can’t hold me, cuddle with me, make love to me or even kiss me anymore. We don’t talk anymore and we never go out. It makes me feel that something is wrong with me. I could run around the house naked and he wouldn’t even notice me.

So if I were you, I would think very hard before you move in with him as I don’t think things can change and that he should go to Counseling on his game addiction

[Anonymous]

He is cold because he is hurting. Don’t feel guilty, he made the decision not to commit to you, so he is dealing with that decision. I know you miss him, Its hard not to, he has been a part of your life for so many years. I think that seeing him again will bring back feelings for both of you, but may not have a positive result. I can never take the advice I’m about to give you.- Do not contact him. The more time that goes by that you do not see or talk to each other, the faster you will get over each other. You need to get over him. You sound like a catch and this guy is a fool and will probably regret it. You WILL get over him. You WILL meet someone new, lots of new haha. You deserve someone who is ready to married, the man that is excited to marry you. Why would you settle for less. Also you’ll probably look back at this and think why?why?why? should of left a long time ago, most people do. I know I did:)

My advice is – Do not call him or go see him. He made the decision, he is lucky that you stayed with him as long as you did.

[Anonymous]

You know what you are doing is wrong. Don’t be a cheater and don’t date a cheater. He cheated on her with you and statistics show that he will cheat on you as well. I know that you are in the process of a break from boy 2. But the question is- if Boy 1 was gone would you be trying to go on a break with boy 2. Most of the time the grass is not greener. How about this, you go on a break and tell boy 1 that you really like him but you don’t feel right about cheating. So is boy 1 worth giving up boy 2 for and is boy 1 willing to break up his girlfriend to be with you? You’ve tested the water, you and boy 1 obviously have chemistry so just decide if do you want to be sneaking around and risk the chance of getting caught or do you want to try to make things work with boy 2. Do you really want to start up a new relationship while leaving another one? You may want to leave your options open. Who knows there could always be a boy 3 out there that is perfect for you that doesn’t have a girlfriend.

My advice is to try to take a break from both boys. Be alone, clear your head. Think about what you really want.

[Anonymous]

I know you don’t want to hear this but you are going to have to trust her. Its not really fair to judge her by those girls. You either trust her or you don’t. I was in a sorority and I never cheated. I would hate to think that my college experience would have been ruined because my boyfriend was being insecure about me joining and I didn’t. I made life long friends from my sorority as well as job connections. If your relationship can’t survive it, then its just not meant to be. But…. to your defense, I can see that you didn’t fall in love with a partying sorority girl and maybe you can foresee problems that she cannot.You can’t worry about it, what will be, will be. You have told her how you feel and I doubt seriously you are going to change your mind about it in a year from now. Also, being in a sorority is not all fun and partying, it can be very demanding at times. Sometimes girls have an idea about what they think it will be like but once they pledge ,they end up dropping out. You never know what will happen and it will suck if you spend your time and energy worrying about it. One last thing…anyone can cheat, anywhere, anytime they don’t have to join a sorority.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thank you so much for all the previous advice about ending my 6-year relationship. Since I last wrote, my boyfriend and I had two serious talks, one by phone, another in person when I visited him. Both times, he begged me crying, not to leave yet, saying he was absolutely not ready to let me go and that he just needed a little more time.

After the latter talk, I gave him until Thanksgiving to tell me the things I needed to hear: (1) That he would move to be with me after I graduate and (2) That I’m the person he wanted to marry and that we’ll get married in the next couple of years. We planned to have this conversation over the phone because of our long-distance.

During this final (phone) conversation he told me he could not give me the things I wanted right now. He said he didn’t know what decision he was going to make until just beforehand. He also said that while it “probably wasn’t something I would want to hear”, he could “never truly close the door” on being with me in the future. He even admitted he may never find someone as compatible as I was. I broke up with him. I knew this was the right thing to do. However, I told him that if he changes his mind he should contact me.

We spoke via phone one week after the breakup, and it was awful. He said he’s not going to look back or dwell on this decision. He was very cold on the phone and used cliches like “this too shall pass” and “one day I’ll be a happy memory”. He refused to talk about the reasons for his decision saying he couldn’t speak about it and it was too painful. It was like talking to a completely different person… In the past he was always willing to talk about anything and very emotionally available. We have had no contact since then, by my choice. He said that if I needed to see him again he would do it, but that he didn’t personally want that as it would be too painful.

It has now been 3 weeks since the breakup with just that one phone call. I don’t want to feel bitter about our relationship, but that last cold phone call made me feel like he was a completely different person, and that he was trying to erase an amazing 6-year relationship without looking back. He will be returning to my state (within 1 hour of where I live) for a week over Christmas and I wonder if I should see him to give myself some closure. The last time I saw him (early Nov) we were still together and had a sweet and loving goodbye, thinking we’d see each other again.

However, maybe seeing him this soon is a bad idea… if he acts very cold again then it might make things worse. If I don’t see him now, it could be months before the opportunity arises again. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

That most definitely does help, thank you! Granted, I am halfway through college by this point, but I do see the points that you tried to make. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

April,

Thank you so much for the information and answers. We have definitely fallen into a rut in the physical side of our relationship. The main problem lies in the fact that I work second shift, and my two days off are days that she has to work. We don’t have a full day together at all. During the rest of my work week including weekends I get off work between 11:00 and 12:00 at night, and we both get up at 6:00 in the morning to get the kids off to school. So she is always tired (her words). I have tried in the past to schedule date nights, and they are great, but it always seems like the next day she makes me feel guilty for keeping her up late (I don’t think that is her intention but that is how it feels).

[Anonymous]

Yes I have said what you said to myself plenty of times. We talked this past Monday and we had a nice time together. We talked about the lack of affection and our love for each other and the problems we have and what we need to get over. The conversation went really well and the day we spent with each other was so sweet. I believe that he loves me and that he is into me because if he wasn’t it would be much worse then our bad times.

[Anonymous]

Wow, April, that’s great, and very simple. I hadn’t thought of it that way, and I appreciate your response. Have a great day! BTW, you ARE the new millennium’s “Ask Abby”! Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Hi Jen,
Thanks for the reply, I actually got it to work again, I somehow found it. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Hi April,
I bought the books but I accidentally closed the link and I can’t seem to access it anymore. I got the receipt in my email and that’s it. Is there anyway I could read it again without purchasing it cuz i did buy it. If you want, i can even show you my receipt

[Member]

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