[Anonymous]

Your concerns are completely normal and I would consider you an abnormally great guy. Not a lot of men would stick around in a relationship with a woman who isn’t interested in sex. It may be that she has a lower libido than you but if she really loves you and is physically/sexually attracted to you she will try to please you more than once a week. I recently knew a couple who had the same problem. I was best friends with the girl in highschool and became great friends with the guy about three years ago right before they started dating. So I was thrilled they got together and thought they made a great match. They never fought, were always together, and seemed super happy. Until finally my friend the guy brought this up with me. I talked to the girl and she admitted to not being sexually attracted to him at all but loving him more than she could imagine. It doesn’t make much sense but sometimes this happens. The sexual attraction might not be there for her. The couple I’m referring to broke up because she met someone she was sexually attracted to. If that isn’t the case and it’s the pain that’s stopping her take her to the doctor. If you are familiar with Kinsey than I’m sure you’ve seen the movie where his wife has the same exact problem. If they help her and she keeps making excuses you might want to move on to someone who is more your pace aka more sexually attracted to you. :/ I hope I’m wrong and everything works out. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Just some other thoughts to add:

– She was on birth control way before she was sexually active so idk how that affects it.
– We have already talked about it a lot. We agree I am sexual and she is not. And we don’t know what to do about it.
– I would imagine if the problem was solely with the pain and nothing else, she would want other sexual activities.
– Most important to me, I want her to want to have sex. I don’t want to just have sex because she feels like she is obligated to. That takes out the emotional part of sex for me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it matters anymore, she broke up with me over it.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! Not only for responding, but offering this free service. It is very kind of you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! After reading your response I texted him to apologize and acknowledge that my actions weren’t stellar. We had a brief exchange which quickly ended and now I haven’t received any communication: no texts or calls, which is [i]very [/i] unlike him as he has both Monday and Tuesday off every week. Until this Sunday, he would always spend one of those nights with me and we had communicated every day; he always initiated the communication as well. I’d always receive a text in the morning saying [i]“I hope you have a beautiful day; miss your face.”[/i], [i]“wish I was with you right now[/i]“, [i]“miss your laugh”[/i].

I’m so frustrated and confused because he was so sweet. I’m not sure that it’s normal to pull back from such an interactive state due to one miscommunication; especially considering my attempts at opening a dialogue, acknowledging my negative actions/words and sincerely apologizing. We hadn’t even come close to talking about loving each other as it’s still ‘new’, yet he was always sure to call and/or text me every day. Even if simply to say “goodnight”. I’m not into the idea of chasing after him due to a miscommunication. I stated that I was sorry, and when he asked “for what?” I responded with: “For shutting down. I’m sorry. I’m a big girl and I can take responsibility for my actions.” to which he replied “There were no bad actions.” – still nothing after that.

I’m thinking I’ll let it ride and distance myself a bit until I hear from him. There are so many different schools of thought on this: never pursue the man, let him chase you, don’t change your life to accommodate him completely until you have a definitive commitment, etc… I attempted the dialogue but he’s remained distant. I don’t want it to end, but I’m not willing to lower my value and act desperate as that would make me feel uncomfortable. I would need some form of communication to let me know that he’s still ‘there’. If he’d have responded more openly, we could have spoken over the phone or in person and solved the problem.

He may just be taking some time to step back and review everything. He did seem to want to be serious; telling me what our mutual friends said in response to his telling them that we were seeing each other (positive feedback, which made him happy). I’ve remained more laid back but also receptive; just not placing any pressure on him; no expectations. Since I made two attempts now, I think it’s time he decided whether he wants to move forward. I don’t want to date a man who can’t communicate or who runs away. I have no problem recognizing and admitting my mistakes. If he can’t handle my being open and honest, then maybe it’s not meant to be?

[Anonymous]

Thank you 🙂 This has been the only major problem in our relationship. I’m just scared if situations like this come up again when we have been together longer, it will make things harder on me.

[Anonymous]

We are in the Army, stationed in Germany. She is stationed about 2 hours from me. We take turns traveling every other weekend. Her Mother came to Germany to be her Daughter’s dependant, because she isn’t very good with her Money and is not Educated. The Mother was raised in Mexico and only has a 5th grade education. My Fiance is the Oldest and none of the other children can or will take care of her. My Fiance is Raising her youngest brother too. All the kids left early, because they didn’t like how the Mother treated them (abusive, and a long story in itself). Her Mother seems unhappy with life and brings everyone else down. Two of her Children don’t really talk to her. Her Mother watches the two kids, but my Fiance can afford child care and they had it prior to her Arrival. I really want to have a good relationship with the Mother, but everything that I try doesn’t work. For example, I bought her some walking shoes that she wanted for her birthday, she tried on several pairs and I bought the one that she wanted. Her legs started hurting while wearing them and she got mad at me. I’m really at a loss. I’ve never had problems getting along with anyone like this in my life. Oh, the Chidren’s Father is not really in the picture. He talks to them occasionally on the phone, but that is it.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Its been almost a year and i haven’t moved a single step. in my last post i mentioned that mails started working and i really thought i accomplished something. That single email was so perfect that i thought i reached what I desired. unfortunately, that was the one and only mail she replied to and ignoring started all over again. Again, ignoring mails and being so nice in person. I started ignoring her too so as to end this crazy story but i never succeeded. Seeing her and the way she behaves always gives me the feeling to keep trying but with no success at all. She never behaves as uninterested. Even if i ignore her she is starting the talking. Next day I send her an email and she is someone else totally ignoring me.
I want to end this but don’t know how. She is always on my mind and one glance from her starts things all over again. As you mentioned earlier i thought it is because of her marriage but after all this time she should have decided to go after her marriage and show me that she is not interested which is a thing I started wishing. Its either that she is crazy or I am.
What do you think? What does she want? how can I put and end to this situation.

Thanks a lot
Hans

[Anonymous]

Dear, April I also just found out that my best friend went on a date with my ex right after we broke up! , and I am very hurt! I told her I don’t want anything to do with her anymore! did I do the right thing? I am very hurt by this since we have been friends so long! It feels like my ex has won in breaking up our friendship though.

[Anonymous]

I’m going on the pill very soon. Should I tell him this as well? He is such a nice guy who I trust completely. I used to think all guys were douches. Excuse my choice of words. He is a virgin as well and I think it would be special to lose it to someone who is a virgin. I don’t know many guys nowadays who are this respectful. The only promise I made to myself which I intend to keep is to not have sex in highschool. I think it is cliche. However, I graduate in less than a month now. I don’t want to be one of those who regret doing it too early. But, I truly don’t think I will regret it. Basically, I am afraid I won’t find a guy worth loosing it to. And he is worth it in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I just ordered your book and am very excited to get my hands on it and start applying all the ideas! i wanted your opinion on this new issue that popped up unexpectedly with this same girl that i like, she invited me to go dancing last week to a cinco de mayo party at a bar and i agreed to go thinking it wasgoing to be just me and her. turns out that its going to be a group of 6 thing with her friends.. so now im havin second thoughts about going considering that the last 2 times i saw this girl we were alone and we kissed. im not sure if shes just testing me or she really want to see me .. and i dont know how shell act now that shes around her friends and she knows i have a thing for her…. what are your thoughts, should i go ahead with this and sgow up..i really dont wanna be that guy that stands around her if she happens to bring a bunch of her girl friends…

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

We were best friends for a very long time and, to be honest, I am not confident enough to ask her out on a date.
I am, I believe, very inclined towArds hard analysis & so I will never ask her out without thinking that she is – to some degree – into me.
What I would like to know is if you think she might be interested in me. I’ve got a lot of questions bottled up inside of me & so your opinion would be deeply appreciated.

Thanks,
David

[Anonymous]

Thanks april you are so kind to me, and I am glad you responded back to me and gave me what I needed I am just so sad not hearing or talking to sam. I mean I am out walking around and stuff, But I am not a social person to stay out in public long enough to meet someone. though with memorial week coming up we do have a festival event each year and I am there but I only go there for my nephews and my family but I am not there long enough I just dont like public that much. I am pacing around back and forth as you said as its not good for me.
I am trying hard to get out more and stuff, I was raised as a tom girl which lead to a hard normal life, depression as a teen. then on I was really shy and idk anymore 🙁

[Anonymous]

He is just considering your ideas. When meeting someone online, it is always kind of “sketchy.” If you feel comfortable, go ahead and pick a place. I recommend a more public place.

[Anonymous]

April,

Thank you for your insights, I am so grateful for your advice! But I have to admit, I am still feeling a bit stumped. I agree with you and have always understood that Kyle is an ex for a reason. I know that he isnt the answer, but I cant help but chase the idea of having that unexplainable feeling or “spark” that we speak of. I am surronded by peers who have all told me that same thing, “if the spark isnt there, you shouldnt be either”. I just turned 23 so they dont think that Im young and I shouldnt be with Steve if that feeling isnt there. But then I stop and think how great of a guy he is(and how rare that is), and I arrive back at square one. Why am I doing this, April?!

Stacey

[Member]

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