[Sally]

You’re trying to keep two people so you don’t have to sit alone with the fear of losing either. And that’s understandable, but it’s not fair to you or to them.
You already know you don’t love Matthew the way you want to. Staying with him just so he won’t leave your life isn’t love, it’s guilt. And guilt turns into resentment fast.
Josh might be complicated, but he’s who your heart keeps going back to. That doesn’t mean he’s the right choice forever but it does mean you shouldn’t use Matthew as a placeholder while you figure that out.

You might lose someone here. That’s hard. But dragging this out will hurt everyone more.
Choose honesty. Even when it costs you.

[Sally]

You’re not a bad person for being bothered by it. Repetitive sounds can hit people in a weird, visceral way. It’s not about him being nice or you being ungrateful. It’s about your nervous system being constantly poked. That kind of irritation builds, especially when it happens every day and you can’t escape it.

What makes it harder is that you know he can’t fully control it. So you feel guilty for being annoyed, and guilt mixed with irritation turns into resentment fast.
Before you make any big decisions, be honest with him again. Not accusing. Just real. Tell him it’s affecting your comfort and attraction, not because he’s doing something wrong, but because it’s becoming too much for you.
Sometimes love isn’t enough to override daily stress. That doesn’t make you cruel. It makes you human.

[Sally]

your life matters more than this relationship. If you are feeling like you might hurt yourself, please pause and get help right now. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a local crisis line.

Now, about him. What you’re describing is not love. It’s someone pulling you close, pushing you away, denying your reality, then using promises to keep you attached. Asking for nude photos, then withdrawing again, is a huge red flag. That is not care. That is control and confusion.
His family may be part of it, but his actions are the real problem. A man who truly loves you does not repeatedly abandon you, rewrite history, or disappear when you’re in pain.
You do not need to choose his happiness over yours. And you do not need to beg someone to stay.
Right now, the most important thing is your safety and dignity. Please talk to someone in your real life today. You deserve protection, not this kind of hurt.

[Sally]

Not letting you see your family when there’s no real cost isn’t about money. It’s about control. Calling you selfish, unempathetic, or manic when you question him is a way to flip the blame so you doubt yourself. That confusion you’re feeling? That’s not an accident.

It’s normal to have different moods. It’s not normal for a partner to threaten to pack up if you visit your aging, sick father. That’s emotional pressure, plain and simple.
Love doesn’t isolate you from your family. It doesn’t make you afraid to choose your own needs. And it definitely doesn’t punish you for wanting to see people you love.
If you don’t go, you’ll carry that regret. If he leaves because you do, that tells you something important.
Trust what your gut is telling you. It’s trying to protect you.

[Sally]

It’s not fair to your current girlfriend to stay when you already know you’re not in it. Loving someone but not being in love eventually turns into resentment, even if you don’t mean it to.

As for your ex what you feel is intense, but intensity isn’t the same as safety. You already know she can walk away, and that fear you feel? That’s part of the pull. The fact that it took the threat of losing her to push you to decide is something to really sit with.

Right now, you’re choosing between comfort and obsession, not clarity. And neither woman deserves to be someone’s backup plan.
Before you choose anyone, you may need to be alone long enough to know what you actually want not what you’re afraid to lose.

[Sally]

What breaks people isn’t one lie. It’s the pile of them. The constant second-guessing, the coldness, the feeling that you’re living next to someone instead of with them. That wears you down until you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Here’s the hard truth: a relationship is only fixable if both people are willing to be honest and actually try. You can’t rebuild trust alone. And you can’t relearn how to love someone who won’t meet you halfway.

Staying “for the kids” only works if the home still feels loving. Kids learn from what they see, not what we hope.
You’re not weak for questioning this. You’re human. And sometimes the bravest thing isn’t fixing what’s broken it’s admitting it broke you too.

[Sally]

You don’t get someone back by waiting for them to realize they were wrong. She didn’t leave on a whim. She left because she felt controlled, exhausted, and scared by your anger. Even if you meant well, impact matters more than intention.

Right now, the best thing you can do is stop trying to fix her decision and start fixing your behavior. Real change, not promises. Anger, possessiveness, objections to everything those don’t heal with time alone.

Give her space. Real space. No messages, no pressure, no asking friends to pass things along. If she ever considers coming back, it will only be after she sees consistency and growth, not chasing.

And be prepared for the possibility that she won’t come back. Growth still matters, even then.
Focus on becoming safe, calm, and steady for yourself first.

[Sally]

Your fear makes sense, but it’s starting to land on the wrong person. She didn’t hurt you, but she’s paying for what someone else did. And from her side, it probably feels like no matter what she says, it’s never enough.

She’s showing love in the ways she knows how, just not with constant reassurance. When you keep asking, she hears you don’t trust me, not you’re scared. That’s why she shuts down.

This isn’t about her proving anything. It’s about you slowly teaching your body that this is a different relationship.

Try saying it once, clearly: this is my old wound, not something you’re doing. Then work on calming yourself instead of checking her.
Trust grows when you stop testing it.

[Sally]

You’re 16. You don’t owe anyone attraction, a kiss, or a relationship just because they’re nice or because people are watching. That pressure you feel? That’s what’s making everything feel confusing.

It’s okay to like him as a person and still not feel that spark. You can’t force chemistry. Trying to push yourself into attraction usually just makes your body pull back harder.

Also, it’s not too late to slow things down. You don’t have to decide anything right now. A second date isn’t a contract. It’s just information.
If it doesn’t grow, the kindest thing is honesty, even if it stings a little. Hurt feelings heal. Forcing yourself into something you don’t want leaves deeper marks.
Your first kiss should happen because you want it. Not because you’re scared not to.

[Sally]

He loves you, but he doesn’t know how to stay close. Pulling back when things get real isn’t something patience alone fixes. It’s a pattern. And you’ve already been waiting, adjusting, hoping he’ll feel safer over time. Meanwhile, you’re slowly shrinking your needs.
Love shouldn’t feel like holding your breath, wondering when he’ll disappear again. Missing you, saying forever, cuddling those are nice, but they’re not the same as showing up consistently.
You’re not wrong for loving him. But you also wouldn’t be wrong to ask yourself how long you can live in this in-between space. Sometimes love is real, but it still isn’t enough to build a steady life on.

[Sally]

A marriage can’t survive a lie that keeps growing. Not because you’re bad, but because the fear will never stop. The questions will keep coming, and you’ll keep shrinking yourself to fit what you think he can handle.

You don’t owe him details. At all. Who, when, how that’s not healthy, and it won’t bring either of you peace. But you do owe him honesty at the level of values. You can say you weren’t truthful because you were scared of losing him, and that your past doesn’t reflect who you are now.

If he can’t accept the real you, that pain will hurt less now than years into a marriage built on fear. Love shouldn’t require erasing yourself to survive.

[Sally]

First, nothing about what you’re feeling is wrong or strange. A lot of people realize they might like the same gender exactly like this quietly, unexpectedly, just noticing someone and feeling pulled toward them. You don’t need to label yourself right now. You’re allowed to just feel what you feel.

The looking back and forth could mean curiosity, or it could mean nothing. Body language is tricky, especially at your age, so try not to read too much into every glance. The safest and best first step isn’t romance it’s familiarity. Something simple. A hi in the hallway. Sitting nearby if you ever have the chance. Asking a basic question about school. You don’t need confidence, just repetition.

Friendship is the right place to start, especially since you don’t know if he’s straight. Take pressure off yourself. You’re not behind. You’re just new to this part of yourself.
Go slow. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

[Sally]

His behavior and his words aren’t lining up, and that’s the part messing with your head.
It sounds like he feels something when he’s with you, but he’s scared of where it could go, so he keeps putting a ceiling on it. Saying he won’t fall in love is him trying to protect himself, not necessarily a statement about you. But the hard part is this: he’s enjoying the closeness without committing to the risk.
That doesn’t mean it’s just sex. It means he wants the comfort without the vulnerability. And you have to ask yourself if that’s enough for you.
You’re not wrong for wanting clarity. Just don’t ignore the imbalance between how close it feels and how limited he’s willing to be.

[Sally]

I don’t think the real question is whether he’s doing something wrong. I think the question is whether this relationship feels safe for you right now. His distance, his anger when he’s angry, the not explaining things all of that leaves room for your mind to spiral, and that’s not your fault.

Breaking up wouldn’t mean you failed or didn’t love him enough. It would mean you’re protecting your peace and your child. At the same time, you don’t have to decide everything today. You could tell him honestly that the silence and distance are making things worse for you, and see if he can show up differently.
If staying feels like constant fear, that matters. Love shouldn’t feel like survival mode.

[Sally]

Yeah, I get why this is confusing, but honestly this doesn’t sound like you imagining things. When someone suddenly can’t hold eye contact, stares when they think you’re not looking, finds excuses to be near you, and messages you just because, that’s usually nerves mixed with interest, not just friendliness.

The switch in group settings actually points more toward a crush, not less. A lot of people get weird around the person they like most and then act extra confident with everyone else to cover it up.

When it’s just you two, the feelings feel real, so he gets awkward. In groups, he has a buffer and can hide.
If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t keep orbiting you like this or put in that much effort to stay connected. It sounds like he likes you but doesn’t know how to move it forward yet.

[Member]

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