[Sally]

When sex slowly disappears, it doesn’t just mess with your body it messes with your confidence, your energy, your sense of being wanted. So you’re not crazy for feeling agitated or worn down by it.

What stands out to me isn’t the lack of sex itself, but how shut down she gets when it comes up. The apologies, the cagey answers, the excuses that don’t really line up anymore that usually means there’s something deeper she either can’t name or doesn’t want to face. It might be exhaustion, hormones, identity shifts after becoming a mom, or something emotional she’s disconnected from. But pretending nothing’s wrong isn’t fair to you.

You’re doing the right thing by not forcing intimacy. But you also don’t have to quietly starve. At some point, this needs a real, honest conversation not about sex acts, but about closeness, desire, and whether she wants to work toward that again. If she won’t engage, that silence becomes its own answer.
You’re allowed to want to feel wanted.

[Sally]

You’re not confused because you’re insecure, you’re confused because your heart wants something clear and steady, and the situation isn’t that. Wanting to give yourself fully to one person and wanting that back is pretty basic, not old-fashioned or controlling.

You’re trying to be open because you like her and don’t want to lose her, but you’re also quietly hurting and hoping you’ll feel different later. That’s the part you should listen to.

If you already know you don’t want an open setup long term, don’t force yourself to adjust just to keep her around. Attraction can be real and still not line up in timing or values. Give this a clear time limit in your own head, and if nothing changes, be honest.
Love shouldn’t feel like you’re talking yourself out of what you want.

[Sally]

A lot of women freeze, pull away, or shut down during sex when something inside doesn’t feel safe or relaxed, even if they care about the person. It doesn’t have to be about pain or bleeding or your first time. Sometimes it’s pressure, expectations, fear of disappointing someone, or just not being fully comfortable in your body yet.

When your boyfriend points it out, that can actually make it worse, because now your brain is watching yourself instead of feeling. Sex isn’t something you owe anyone, even in a relationship. You’re allowed to stop. You’re allowed to need things slower, softer, quieter. Try talking to him outside the bedroom, not during the moment.

If he’s patient and kind, that will tell you a lot. And if this keeps happening, it’s okay to ask a doctor or counselor. Not because something’s wrong, but because you deserve peace, not panic.

[Sally]

You finally met someone naturally, it felt good, and now you don’t want to mess it up. That makes total sense.
Here’s the honest thing though. Planning a fake coincidence is way more awkward than you think. If she figures it out later, it’ll feel weird, not romantic. And yeah, randomly adding her on Facebook without context can feel off too.

The cleanest move is the simple one. Add her, but send a short message right away. Something like hey, we talked on the bus the other day, hope that’s okay. That shows confidence and honesty, not stalking. If she liked the conversation too, she’ll be glad you reached out. If she doesn’t respond, that’s your answer and you didn’t play games.
Real connections don’t need tricks. They just need a little courage.

[Sally]

This whole thing has been intense, messy, emotional, and it keeps pulling you back in. But here’s the hard truth, said calmly. What you two have right now isn’t stability, it’s a cycle. Big feelings, breakups, rebounds, sex, promises, then distance again. That up-and-down can feel like love, but it’s actually confusion mixed with comfort.

When she comes back, it’s usually when she’s losing you or feeling unsure somewhere else. When things calm down, she pulls away again. That’s not because you’re not enough. It’s because she doesn’t know what she wants and keeps dragging you through that with her.

You can’t make her choose you by wanting her harder. If she wanted to be with you without doubt, you’d feel it consistently. Wanting her back makes sense. Staying in this loop is what’s breaking you. Sometimes stepping back is the only way the truth shows itself.

[Sally]

This guy cares about you, but he’s not choosing you. Breaking up four times, talking to other girls, calling it pressure, then pulling you back when you’re together that’s not confusion, that’s comfort. You’re safe for him. Familiar. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also doesn’t want to stop doing whatever he wants.

When someone says I love you but I’m not sure how deep it is, believe that part. Love that’s steady doesn’t keep wandering. And saying the other girls don’t mean anything doesn’t make it hurt less. It actually makes it worse.

Long distance already takes a lot. You shouldn’t also have to carry his indecision. At some point, love should feel calmer than this. Not like waiting for the next break.

[Sally]

When someone keeps staring, smiling, saying your name for no reason, that’s usually flirting. He’s clearly comfortable showing interest in person, but some people freeze when it comes to texting or making the first real move. Watching all your stories is also not nothing.

The ice skating thing especially stands out. He didn’t shut it down, he played along, called you ice queen, and smiled. That’s not random. At the same time, I get why you’re confused. Mixed signals mess with your head. It sounds like he likes you but doesn’t have the confidence yet to be direct.

If you’re curious, you don’t need a big move. Just be a little warmer back and see if he steps up. If he doesn’t, then at least you’ll know.

[Sally]

This kind of situation messes with your head.
From the outside, it does sound like he cares. He makes time, plans things, helps you out, and that message he sent wasn’t nothing, even if he tried to brush it off the next day. People don’t accidentally write stuff like that unless it’s already living in their head.
At the same time, his actions are very cautious. No moves, you starting most conversations, him not really stepping forward. That can be shyness, or fear, or him being unsure what he wants. Especially if he’s been hurt before, he might be scared to cross a line.
I don’t think you’re wasting your time, but I do think you’re carrying more of the emotional weight. At some point, it’s okay to gently ask where his head is at. You deserve clarity, not just chemistry.

[Sally]

The age gap and the boss thing don’t automatically make him a villain, but they do make the situation heavier. There’s more risk for her, socially and emotionally. That’s just real life. Power stuff always shows up eventually, even when it starts fun and easy.

I don’t think you need to lecture her or warn her like it’s doomed. That usually just makes people dig in harder. But you can ask gentle questions. Stuff like how she feels about the work dynamic, or what she thinks happens if it gets serious. Let her talk.

Sometimes being a good friend isn’t stopping the train. It’s walking alongside it, with your eyes open, ready if it derails.

[Sally]

Making a whole Facebook account and not telling you is already a crack in trust. Adding random women, especially a porn star, and then watching that stuff right next to you like it’s no big deal? That’s disrespectful. Plain and simple. The worst part isn’t even the account. It’s him acting like you’re wrong for feeling hurt.

When someone says you’re the love of their life, their actions should line up. This didn’t. And it makes sense that you feel embarrassed and unsure now. Anyone would.

I won’t tell you to leave or stay. But I will say this: if he can’t own how this hurt you and brush it off instead, that’s a bigger issue than Facebook. Pay attention to that. Trust doesn’t break all at once. It cracks, then widens if it’s ignored.

[Sally]

You’re allowed to be upset even if you said you were fine. Saying you’re fine is usually just you trying not to cause drama, not proof you didn’t care. And yeah, it would sting finding out months later. That part matters.

From what you said, your friend did like him, but she also stepped back once she realized what it meant. That tells me she was trying, even if she handled it kinda clumsy. Friends aren’t perfect. They just try not to hurt each other too much.

As for him, honestly, you don’t need to figure out who he likes more right now. That’s a spiral. If your feelings are fading, it’s okay to let them fade. If they’re still there, that’s okay too.

Just protect the friendship if it matters more. Crushes come and go. Good friends are harder to replace. And you don’t need to be mad to be honest about feeling a little hurt.

[Sally]

He may care about you, but he’s clearly not done with her. Those texts weren’t casual or polite check-ins. They were emotional. Missing her. Holding onto something. And that doesn’t just disappear because he’s trying to be good to you.

You didn’t imagine this. Your gut reacted for a reason.

Also, the timing matters. He came out of a long relationship and slid into something new fast. That doesn’t make him bad, but it does mean his heart might still be split.

You don’t have to confront him right this second if you’re not ready. But don’t bury it either. Stuff like this doesn’t fade. It grows.
You deserve to feel chosen, not quietly compared. And love should feel calm, not confusing.

[Sally]

Nothing about it feels clean or clear, and honestly, that’s because he isn’t clean or clear. He was the one who opened the door texting you, taking you places, cooking with you, inviting you to his home. That wasn’t “just professional.” He was testing the waters without saying it out loud.

But the moment things stopped being on his terms when you leaned into him, when you asked to stay, when it felt like something real might actually happen he froze. Men in power sometimes like the flirt, the attention, the comfort… but panic when it becomes an actual relationship with real consequences.

Him kicking you out and saying you’re “moving too fast” wasn’t about you doing anything wrong. It was him realizing he can’t have this both ways the closeness without the responsibility.
And that’s why it all feels so confusing.
What he invited you into was emotional intimacy he never planned to follow through on. That’s why the energy felt warm until it mattered then he shut the door.
You’re not crazy for feeling something real. You’re just dealing with a man who pulled you in, then got scared when you stepped toward him.

[Sally]

You were so young, your body had just been through hell, and instead of feeling safe with the person who was supposed to love you, you found something that made you feel small. That kind of hurt doesn’t just fade it sits in you.

And you’ve given him so many chances. Not one or two… countless. Every time he promised, every time you believed him, every time he chose the same thing anyway. That’s not an accident. That’s a pattern.

Here’s the thing no one likes to say out loud: you can’t “love someone out” of something they don’t think is a problem. And he doesn’t think it’s a problem not enough to stop. Not enough to protect you, or your marriage, or your heart.

If you stay, nothing changes. If you leave, at least you’re keeping the one promise no one else in this marriage has kept the one you made to yourself.
You’re not crazy for wanting peace. Just don’t keep breaking yourself trying to fix someone who won’t meet you halfway.

[Sally]

She’s not choosing her ex, and she’s not in love with who he is now. She’s grieving who he used to be, and that kind of old attachment sticks around longer than people want it to. It doesn’t mean you’re not enough it means she’s scared to love that deeply again because it broke her.

But I get why you feel second place. Anyone would. You’re wondering if you’ll ever be her “big” love, not just the safe one.
Here’s the honest truth: she can build something real with you, but it might grow slowly. You’re not competing with her past you’re deciding if her present love is enough for you right now.

You’re not being jealous. You’re being human. Just take a breath and ask yourself what you need to feel secure with her.

[Member]

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