[Sally]

Mixed signals like that can make anyone spiral a bit.
Here’s what it looks like from the outside. He enjoyed you. That part feels real. He was happy to see you, spent hours talking, and responded when you reached out. But he’s also not stepping up on his own. Saying he’ll text and then not doing it twice matters.
It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes guys like the connection but don’t feel motivated enough to lead it. Or they keep things light and passive, especially when it started drunk and casual.
You can text him once more if you want clarity. That’s okay. But if he still doesn’t match your effort, believe that. Interest doesn’t stay this quiet for long when it’s real.
Pay attention to how it feels in your body, not just what you hope it means.

[Sally]

When something feels promising and then shifts, it makes you blame yourself.
But being honest didn’t ruin this. It just sped up the truth. If someone can only feel close to you when parts of your life stay hidden, that closeness was always fragile. You didn’t trick him into liking you. You showed him the real you, and he got scared once things got complicated.
People make promises when feelings are high. Then reality hits, and some of them back up instead of leaning in. That hurts, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.
You didn’t lose a great guy by being honest. You found out early what he can and can’t handle. I know that doesn’t make the disappointment disappear, but it does protect you in the long run.

[Sally]

What makes this so painful isn’t just that she’s pulling away. It’s that she led the pace. She said the big things first. She pulled you close, got you to feel safe, and now she’s gone quiet. Anyone would feel blindsided by that.
Here’s the hard part, said gently. When someone can flip like this, it usually means they liked the feeling, not the weight of it. The closeness felt good until it started to feel real. That doesn’t mean she planned to hurt you. But it does mean she isn’t handling this with care.
Don’t chase her. Don’t yell. Don’t beg. I know that urge. It only gives her more space to disappear.
If she comes back, let her explain. If she doesn’t, believe what her silence is already telling you.
You didn’t imagine this. And you’re not weak for falling.

[Sally]

What stands out to me is how he responded when you said no. Not angry, but not exactly reassuring either. Saying he doesn’t know how long he can wait kind of tells you where his focus is. When a guy is really into you, he usually cares more about keeping you comfortable than testing the clock.
That shift in energy you’re feeling is probably real. You didn’t imagine it. A lot of times, when things cool off right after sex is off the table, it’s because that was a big part of what was driving things.
That doesn’t make you wrong. You were honest. You were clear. If he sticks around and shows up without pressure, you’ll know. If not, that’s information too. And it’s okay to listen to it.

[Sally]

Right now, you’re not being pushy you’re just curious. Lunch is fine. Texting is fine. What I wouldn’t do is turn this into a slow, secret crush that lives only in your head for two years. That’s how regret grows legs.
You don’t need some big confession. Just let the lunch be real. If it stays work-chat only and she never leans in, you’ll know. If it feels easy and she makes time again, that’s your answer too.
About moving later that’s future stuff. Don’t borrow stress from a life you’re not in yet.
You don’t have to force anything. Just stop hiding. Being honest, even softly, is better than wondering forever.

[Sally]

This is one of those situations where the connection is real, but fear is running the show probably for both of you.
From what you’re describing, she likes you. People don’t stay up until 7am talking, send hearts, and chat nonstop if they’re just bored. That’s emotional closeness. The issue isn’t interest, it’s anxiety. She’s shy, she’s been hurt before, and meeting in person makes it feel real in a way online doesn’t.
Here’s the key thing: don’t keep living only in chat land. That’s safe, but it’ll slowly drive you crazy.
Instead of asking her out in a big way, make it small and low pressure. Coffee after work. A short walk. Something with an easy exit. And say it calmly, once. No pushing.
If she pulls away, that’s not you doing something wrong. That’s her not being ready.
But if you never ask again, you’ll always wonder.

[Sally]

Anyone would feel uneasy watching an ex hover like that, especially when you’re talking about marrying him. What’s sticking out isn’t just her behavior it’s that she keeps pushing after being told to step back. That’s disrespectful, plain and simple.
But here’s the part that matters most: this isn’t really about her. It’s about your fiancé. If he truly understands how this makes you feel, then it’s on him to shut it down in the moment. Not later. Not privately. In the moment. Pulling him aside, touching him, getting his attention that only keeps happening if it’s being allowed.
You don’t need to confront her or get dramatic. Stay calm. Stay classy. But have a clear, firm talk with him about what you need to feel secure. The right man will protect the relationship, not just reassure you about it.

[Sally]

When you say you could live without him if you had her, that’s not guilt talking that’s your core talking.
This man might care about you, but he’s still married, still living that life, still asking you to accept pieces instead of the whole. Promises about later don’t help when right now you’re missing your child and feeling like you’re shrinking yourself to make this work.
You’re not a horrible parent. You’re a tired woman who’s been lonely for a long time. But your peace isn’t going to come from a relationship that already feels divided.
If your heart can’t fully accept him, listen to that. And don’t silence the part of you that wants your daughter back in your arms. That part knows what matters most.

[Sally]

When someone goes from intense feelings to nothing, it feels unreal, like the ground dropped out from under you. And seeing her at work just keeps reopening it.
I’m going to be honest with you, but kind. Right now, she’s not in a place where she wants any connection with you. She told you that clearly, even if it hurts like hell to hear. The blocking, the asking for no contact, the way she shuts down when things get emotional that’s her way of protecting herself, not punishing you.
Is there a chance someday? Maybe. But not if you’re waiting, watching, or hoping. The only thing that ever softens a situation like this is real distance and real change, not silence with hope attached.
You’re doing the right thing by stepping back. Keep that promise to yourself not for her, but for you. Right now, healing matters more than answers.

[Sally]

This one still hurts because it ended in a way that didn’t match how serious it felt to you. And that text breakup? You’re right it feels cowardly when someone avoids a hard conversation after you tried to have it the right way.

But here’s the part you may not want to hear. She didn’t leave because of the move. She left because the relationship started feeling heavy to her, and instead of facing that with you, she shut down. The friend calling you was out of line, but it also shows she’d already built a version of the story where you were the problem.
Eight months later, the fact that she only responds politely and never reaches out is your answer. She’s done.

What should you do now? Stop reopening the wound. You didn’t get closure because she couldn’t give it not because you didn’t deserve it.
Let this end where it already did, and protect your peace.

[Sally]

I want you to know something first having mixed feelings about his kids doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. You love him, you care about them, but you’re grieving the life you imagined where it was just the two of you. That grief is real.

Here’s the honest part though. His kids aren’t a phase. The ex isn’t a phase. This is the package. And if, deep down, you’ve never wanted a future with kids involved, that feeling usually doesn’t magically disappear it gets louder with time.

Love alone isn’t always enough to carry a life you don’t actually want. Staying and hoping you’ll change can turn into resentment, even if everyone is good people.
Leaving would hurt, yes. Staying and slowly losing yourself would hurt more.

You don’t have to decide today. Just don’t ignore what your gut has been quietly telling you.

[Sally]

Nothing about this sounds like manipulation. It sounds like two shy people who’ve liked each other for a long time and are both waiting for the other to blink first.
Eye contact, smiling, finding ways to be near you through your friends that’s interest. Shy interest, but still interest. If he were playing games, you’d feel confused in a sharper way. This feels soft, not sneaky.

Here’s the honest part: if neither of you makes a move, this will probably stay exactly where it is until graduation passes and the chance fades. Not because the feeling wasn’t real, but because fear won.

You don’t have to pour your heart out. Just say hi. Or ask him something small. Even a smile and a simple comment is enough to open the door.
Being brave doesn’t mean not shaking. It just means doing it anyway.

[Sally]

This sounds like someone who’s tired, not someone who’s unlovable.
You are worth dating. Full stop. But I think what keeps happening is you give a lot, fast, and you hope that if you’re good enough, kind enough, patient enough, someone will finally stay. And when they don’t, you turn it inward.

There’s nothing wrong with being emotional, affectionate, or not a sports guy. The right person won’t need you to dull that down. But you might need to stop trying to prove your value so hard. Love isn’t earned by effort alone.

Don’t marry your job. Don’t shrink yourself either. Just slow the giving until someone shows they can give back.
You don’t need to be different. You just need someone who wants what you already are.

[Sally]

This sounds like someone who still cares, just moving slow because she’s been burned and has kids to protect. From the outside, nothing you wrote sounds like a woman who’s done with you. Talking every day, letting you be around her kids, saying you’ve been more of a dad than anyone that’s not casual. That’s trust.

But here’s the part to respect: you pulled away once when you were unsure. Even though it made sense, it probably scared her. So now she’s watching actions, not words. She’s making sure you’re steady before she lets her heart go there again.
You don’t need to push. Just keep showing up the way you have been. Calm. Consistent. No pressure.
If she didn’t see a future at all, you wouldn’t be this close to her life. Give it time.

[Sally]

This is one of those situations where the cheating doesn’t stop hurting just because it’s out in the open. What makes it worse is that you’re being forced to smile through it in public while it keeps stabbing you in private. That’s not fair, and it’s not healthy.

In a normal world, she wouldn’t be anywhere near family events right now. Not because you’re petty, but because healing needs space. The fact that she still wants to be there and acts sweet in front of others while being cruel to you says more about her than it does about you.

Here’s the hard part: you can’t control the town, or his brother, or her behavior. What you can do is set clear limits for yourself. If your husband truly wants to repair the marriage, protecting you from this situation should be part of that work. If he can’t or won’t do that, counseling needs to focus on why.

You’re not overreacting. You’re trying to survive something painful in a place that doesn’t give you privacy to heal. And that’s a real weight to carry.

[Member]

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