[Sally]

When someone goes cold right after plans change especially plans where you were finally going to be intimate it hits a really raw spot. It’s hard not to feel like you suddenly stopped being interesting to him.

But here’s the thing: a guy who’s in it for you doesn’t disappear because your child is sick. He doesn’t cancel a ticket and then ignore your calls. He shows up anyway, even if the weekend doesn’t look the way he planned.

His reaction says more than he probably meant it to. Real connection doesn’t fall apart just because sex has to wait. If that’s all he wanted, then as painful as this feels, at least you’re seeing it now instead of later.

Take care of your son. Let him show you who he is by what he does next. And don’t chase someone who only shows up when it’s convenient.

[Sally]

Nothing wears you down like mixed signals from someone you actually care about. And this guy… he’s giving you that half-in, half-out energy that feels good in the moment but leaves you confused later.

Here’s what it looks like from the outside: he likes the closeness, the cuddling, the comfort. He clearly feels safe with you. But when it comes to actually choosing you like, real relationship choosing he pulls back. That “no girl wants to date me” stuff is just a way to dodge saying he’s not ready.

And honestly, a guy who wants you doesn’t hide behind lines like that. He just goes for it.
You’re not crazy for wondering. But don’t chase this. If he wanted more, you wouldn’t be guessing. You’d know.

[Sally]

It’s not just a breakup it’s losing someone you saw every day, someone who used to make the whole workday feel lighter. And now you’re supposed to just smile across the office like none of it ever happened. That’s a lot to hold inside.

But here’s the hard truth you probably already know: telling him you miss him won’t bring back what you had. It’ll just reopen the wound for you. He chose his marriage, and you’re the one left trying to stitch yourself back together in the same building.

Missing him doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means you cared. Let yourself miss him quietly without turning it into a conversation he can’t give you anything from.
With time, the ache softens. It really does. For now, just focus on getting through each day without adding another layer of hurt.

[Sally]

That moment when someone admits just enough to freak you out, then hides the rest… it hits a very specific nerve. It’s that feeling of, “If there was nothing bad in there, why are you guarding your phone like it’s a bomb?”

And honestly, it’s not about Facebook or passwords. It’s the pattern. He said you were the one, said he’d wait, said he didn’t want anyone else and at the same time he was out there trying to line up dates. That’s not confusion. That’s dishonesty.

Love makes us want to look past things, but you’re not wrong for pausing here. A future with someone shouldn’t start with you begging for the truth and him deleting it before you can see.

You don’t have to decide today. Just don’t ignore what your gut is telling you. It’s usually the part of you that still wants peace.

[Sally]

It’s not the porn by itself. It’s the lying. It’s the history. It’s how small he’s made you feel in your own marriage. Anyone would shut down after what you saw under those covers. That kind of moment sticks in your chest.

You don’t “get past” something like this by ignoring your feelings or blaming your body. You sit with the truth of it: you don’t trust him, and he’s given you reasons not to.
You don’t have to make any big decisions tonight. But don’t gaslight yourself into thinking this is something you should just swallow. It’s okay to want a love that feels safe again.

[Sally]

It’s scary when someone’s moving faster than your heart can keep up with. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with being careful. Some people fall quick, some people warm up slow. Neither is wrong.

What matters is that you’re not leading him on. And it doesn’t sound like you are. You’ve been honest from day one. You just want to feel things naturally instead of forcing the words out before they’re real.

Him telling his dad, buying gifts, using pet names that’s his pace, not yours. You don’t owe him matching energy on his timeline. You’ll open up when you feel safe enough, not because you’re pushed.

If you like him, keep showing up in the ways you can. That’s enough for now. The rest will settle when you’re ready.

[Sally]

That kind of lie sticks, even years later. But here’s the thing… you both were basically kids when this happened. He panicked, he lied, he tried to cover it, and it was messy. Most of us did stupid things at that age because we didn’t know what real commitment felt like.

What matters is who he’s been since. Two and a half years is a long time for someone who wants to mess around to slip up again, and he hasn’t. That says something.
Only you can feel whether you’re actually safe with him now. But it doesn’t sound like a guy who’s waiting to cheat. It sounds like a boy who grew up and learned the hard way.

[Sally]

It’s so hard when you see what the relationship could be, but the way it’s actually going feels nothing like that. And honestly, it sounds like you’ve been carrying the whole thing on your shoulders. Long distance already asks a lot, and when one person isn’t meeting you halfway, it stops feeling like love and starts feeling like waiting.

What really hit me was how he responded when something painful happened to you. That’s the moment someone shows you who they are, and it sounds like he just… wasn’t there. And now he’s pulling back, not talking, not saying I love you that’s not space, that’s distance.

You’re not wrong for wanting attention or connection. You’re not asking for anything wild. You just want to feel cared for.
If he comes for the holidays out of obligation, you’re going to feel that. You already feel it now.

I don’t think this is doomed, but I think you can’t fix it alone. He’d have to want to step back in really step in and nothing you do will force that.
Be honest with yourself before you’re honest with him. Ask what your life would look like if you didn’t have to chase someone for the basics.
And breathe. You’re not failing. You’re just tired of being the only one fighting.

[Sally]

You didn’t just watch your friend get attached to this guy you stepped right into the middle of it. You talked to him for her, helped her plan every move, dug for information, analyzed every message. After a while, it stops feeling like her story and starts feeling like something you’re both living in together.

That kind of shared focus can mess with your head. It’s not that you’re into him. It’s that he became the center of every conversation, every worry, every “what do we do next.” Your brain got used to him being the thing you two bonded over, so now it feels empty when he’s not part of the topic.

Dreams don’t mean feelings. They just mean your mind is overstimulated.
You’re okay. You just need to gently step back and let your life fill up with other things again. It doesn’t have to happen all at once.

[Sally]

When you click with someone in a way you don’t feel at home anymore, it hits you in a quiet, dangerous place. And it doesn’t have to be romantic for it to stir things up.
From what you’re saying, she seems warm toward you, but nothing she’s doing sounds like a woman trying to deepen a bond. Liking posts, letting a text run a little longer that’s just… friendly. Nice. Comfortable. Not a signal.

The tricky part is this: even if you only want something platonic, she can’t read your intentions. Married people playing with gray areas makes everyone nervous, even when it’s innocent.

If you ever try to push this into a closer friendship, it’s going to feel loaded to her, no matter how pure your motives are. That’s the part you have to be honest with yourself about.

Sometimes the connection is real, but the timing doesn’t make room for it.

[Sally]

Work crushes are fun until someone else turns it into a whole storyline you didn’t sign up for. It sounds like once he thought you were trying to date him, he panicked. Most people do when they never planned for anything serious.

But when he saw you weren’t chasing him, he relaxed again. That tells me he likes the attention and the vibe, but he’s not looking to step outside that little work bubble. If a guy wants more, he usually finds some quiet way to show you an invite, a real conversation, something.

Right now it feels like he enjoys the flirting because it’s safe for him. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t expect it to turn into something bigger without him actually saying so.
Keep it light. If he wants more, he’ll make it clear without you having to guess.

[Sally]

You’re not crazy for being upset. Eight years of “separated” but never actually finishing the divorce… that’s a whole pattern, not an accident. And the part that hits me is how he gets angry when you bring it up. That’s usually what people do when they know they’re in the wrong and don’t want to deal with it.

It’s not about time or money. If someone wants out of a marriage, they make it happen. You already handed him every shortcut, every chance to move forward, and he still didn’t take it.

I know you care about him, but don’t ignore what he’s showing you. You’re building a life with a man who won’t even close the last one. That’s a heavy place to stand, and you deserve something steadier than that.

[Sally]

but spitting on her wasn’t the move. I’m not judging you hurt can make you do stuff you never thought you’d do. But still, that moment is gonna sit heavy on you for a while.
Getting cheated on messes with your head. It makes you feel small and angry and stupid all at once. I’ve been there, and I remember wanting to lash out just so the other person could feel even a piece of what I felt. But it never really helps. It just leaves you with one more thing to carry.
You’re not a monster. You’re just someone who snapped from heartbreak. But now you’ve got to be honest with yourself and choose who you want to be moving forward. That part’s on you, not her.

[Sally]

That kind of relationship feels like you’re constantly choosing between what your heart wants and what the rest of your life is screaming at you. And that’s a heavy place to live.

Here’s the thing: when two people love each other but keep hurting each other, it doesn’t mean the love isn’t real. It just means the version of the relationship you have right now isn’t working. And honestly… you already know that. You said it yourself you’re both in therapy because you can’t handle being together in a healthy way right now.

I’ve been in something like this, where every fight felt like we ripped a little piece off each other. We always apologized too. But apologies don’t fix patterns. Only change does.

So is it worth saving? Maybe. But not the way it is right now. If either of you keeps leaving those fights feeling ashamed or small, it’s going to break something in you that takes a long time to get back.

If you’re going to stay, it has to be because the relationship is getting calmer, not because you’re scared to let go. And if you leave, it doesn’t have to mean you didn’t love each other just that you both deserved some peace.
Take a breath. You don’t have to decide today.

[Sally]

When somebody lies straight to your face, especially about another person, it doesn’t matter how small they say it is it sticks with you. And the way she reacted back then, getting upset and calling him in front of you, that’s usually what people do when they want to shut down the conversation, not clear it up.

Look, it doesn’t automatically mean she cheated. But it does mean she didn’t want you knowing something, and that part is real. People don’t lie for no reason. Sometimes it’s shame, sometimes it’s ego, sometimes it’s something they were flirting with and don’t want to admit.

You’re not making a big deal out of nothing. You’re reacting like a normal person who doesn’t want to feel stupid in their own marriage.
If you bring it up, keep it calm. Just tell her you found the connection and you want the truth, not a fight. And pay attention to how she handles that moment that’ll tell you a lot more than the lie itself.

[Member]

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