[Zoey]

That’s the problem when you enter a relationship with someone who is still married, you should already understand that from the beginning, especially since they have a child together.

It would be better if you just talk to him directly about what you’re seeing and feeling, and see if there’s something you can negotiate or clarify between you two.

You can’t really remove his child, or even his wife, from his life, especially since they are still legally married.

[Zoey]

Oh, so her ex-husband was abusive. That might be the reason why she’s being cautious and not making quick decisions, she may have had a very bad experience in her previous relationship.
What I can say is, just keep inviting her in a gentle way. She needs to see that you are different, that you are a good person with good intentions toward her, and that she won’t regret it if she chooses you.

[Zoey]

What you mean is sex without penetration, right?

Well, there are actually many ways to deal with that, but I can’t advise you on it since you’re both still minors—you’re 15 and she’s 16, and you’re not yet of legal age.

Don’t make promises or talk about things as if they’re final just yet—you’re still very young. There’s still so much that can happen in your lives, and you’ll meet many more people along the way.

[Zoey]

You’re actually right in all aspects. It would’ve been better if you were included in that party and also staying there. Honestly, you were already being very understanding by allowing her to go even though her ex would be there, she should have recognized that.

But asking to stay overnight there as well? That’s already too much, in my opinion. What you did was reasonable and justified.

[Zoey]

If you feel like you can’t get the kind of normal and serious relationship you want from her, then you should leave her. It’s not healthy for you, and she has already lied multiple times, that alone is enough reason to move on and find someone else.

Also, it seems like you’re just an option to her, not a priority, even if you say that you’re already official. Move on.

[Zoey]

Since she doesn’t have any commitment to you yet, it’s normal that you’re not her priority. Maybe she also has important things going on that she just isn’t telling you.
Just because things are going well between you two doesn’t automatically mean she already likes you enough to make you her priority. My only advice is to put in more effort, maybe she still feels like it’s not enough from what you’re doing.
Just keep trying, and if it doesn’t work out, that’s when you should stop.

[Zoey]

You might feel a sense of relief if you tell her fiancé as a way of getting back at her, but it still won’t change the fact that two important people in your life betrayed you. That truth can’t be undone.
Maybe it’s better not to do that and instead walk away from the people you trusted. It’s painful and difficult, but you need to keep going. Who knows, maybe God has a better plan for you, which is why this happened.
Try to think of it this way: they are the ones who lost you, not the other way around, because you are a real, genuine person.

[Zoey]

My advice is that you should also do what she is doing, continue exploring and meeting other people you could potentially date. Don’t close your heart to others. You need to consider all possible outcomes that could happen. If you get stuck waiting on her and only focusing on her, she might eventually find someone else and decide to be with that person instead, and you would end up losing in that kind of situation.
You should understand how to “play” the situation wisely. Invest in her, put effort into building the connection, so that maybe through that she will choose you. But at the same time, keep something for yourself, don’t give everything away emotionally. That way, if things don’t work out in the end, you still have something to fall back on and recover.

[Zoey]

It’s better to talk to him about it, because honestly, that’s not normal behavior anymore. You should also reflect on whether there’s anything he feels is missing in the relationship that’s pushing him to look for that kind of online activity.
But at the same time, what he is doing is still not right. If he is not willing to stop, it may be better not to go through with the marriage for now, because it could even get worse after you get married.
He needs to understand that what he is doing is not acceptable, and his reasons don’t justify it either, especially since he is not single anymore and you are already close to getting married.

[Zoey]

He has already left you three times, and he is also lying to you. To be honest, it’s not a good idea for you to move in together right now.
My advice is to talk to him and tell him the truth that you are pregnant. Maybe that could change his behavior. Try to observe him after that and see if there are any real changes.
But if there is no improvement at all, I suggest you consider separating and consult a lawyer so you can understand your legal options and what can be done regarding your child, and to properly discuss things in a legal way for the baby’s future.

[Member]

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