[Carlos]

What are you exactly—are you already a couple, or just getting to know each other with no label yet?
Have you even gone on proper dates? It doesn’t really sound like you’ve formally asked her out yet. So that means there’s still no commitment between you two, and you shouldn’t be expecting too much from her at this point.
You need to clarify what you really are. Ask her out on a proper date. Don’t overthink too much—it’s still too early for that.

[Carlos]

If you’re a man and you like her, ask her out on a date. Show her what your real intentions are. Because if you stay as friends while you already know you want more, it’s like you’re just lying to yourself.
Take a risk if you really like her. That’s how it is sometimes—you have to sacrifice something.

[Carlos]

Why don’t you try it first? Maybe over time, you’ll also grow to love his children. It’s not really possible to love just him alone—like others say, it’s a “package deal.” So you don’t really have a choice but to accept them too.
Because if you give up right away, you might be left with the question of “what if I had tried?” Maybe you could have been happy together now, right?

[Carlos]

She doesn’t want to rush things and she’s not ready for commitment—that’s the reason I see for why her behavior suddenly changed. Also, from your story, I didn’t see that you formally asked her out on a proper date. I think that might be something she’s looking for before committing. Maybe she got overwhelmed at first, then had time to think about it and changed her approach.
Just show her that your intentions are good.

[Carlos]

It’s clear from what she said that she will be busy with her studies and work. What she did was good because she told you upfront so you won’t keep hoping or expecting too much from her.
My advice is to just continue your connection with her and see where things go, but also respect whatever decision she makes. Don’t pressure or keep insisting.

[Carlos]

It’s clear that she is not interested. It would be better for you to redirect your feelings toward someone else and move on.
You might already be heading toward obsession, and that’s not a good situation for you. So as much as you can, try to move on now while it’s still possible.

[Carlos]

That must really hurt—seeing your girlfriend performing oral sex with another man, and she’s the one who even sent it to you. As a man, if that happened to me, it would be over; the respect would be gone.
If she did that while you were already not together, she shouldn’t have shown it to you. Seeing your girlfriend in that kind of situation is really a huge turn-off.

[Carlos]

If other men were in your situation, you’re right—they would probably even be happy with that kind of setup because they’re not the ones losing anything.
But because you have a belief that you don’t like that kind of arrangement, that’s okay too.
So my advice is, if you also can’t accept the setup she wants, it’s better for you to just move on. You’re also right that there’s a real possibility you might be the one left in the end anyway.

[Carlos]

You’re right, because what reason does he have for not wanting to be committed if what he’s saying is true—that he likes you and doesn’t want to lose you—unless he’s also talking to or dating someone else.
What you’re doing is right. It’s already been 4 months anyway. Make him choose: commitment or end it. Tell him you don’t have time for games.

[Carlos]

I think he likes you too, but he also feels guilty because he already has a girlfriend, and of course he knows that what you did was wrong. That’s probably why he’s been a bit distant.
But I think there’s still a chance for you two if the time comes when he breaks up with his girlfriend, or if he realizes you’re a better person because you treat his children better than his girlfriend does.
However, what you’re doing is not right—being okay with being “the other woman” is a problem that could cause issues in the future. So think carefully about your actions.

[Member]

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