April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › Where is this friendship going? really need advice
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April Masini.
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June 21, 2009 at 1:30 pm #1035
fiercev
ParticipantHi all, I am really looking for some help with reading a woman I currently am really close friends with. I originally met her when I was a Sophomore in college and she was a senior. While she was in school, we were close at work and she would invite me over to her place to help her with school work. At the time she was already taken and was busy. When asked about me and her (this is over 2 years ago) she said that she would but she has so many other guy friends on her list. after she graduated, we didnt talk or see each other much at all. maybe an occasional lunch or something but I talking like only around 4-5 times a year. well I have just graduated from college and we reconnected just a couple weeks prior to my graduation. She saw me outside running and called and from there we reconnected. Since then we have been talking on the phone practically every day and sometimes multiples times during the day. I have had lunch with her a few times and have been to her place a few times. We haven’t done anything romantic like kissing or anything. She always said in the past that I was a dear friend to her and now she says I am one of the very very few friends she has and she evens says that I am her best friend. When we talk I am very nervous inside though I dont show it much. I dont have a lot of experience. She is very pretty and beautiful. We get along great. I just wish I knew where I stand with her and how she really truly feels about me. I feel like there are mixed signals but I dont know how to read any of them. please help. June 21, 2009 at 2:18 pm #9379Freddy
ParticipantSomething similiar happened to me years ago; I never told her how I felt. Years later I said to her “do you remember that night I dropped you off at your moms house? I wanted to come in with you so bad”; She said “why did’nt you say anything!?” It’s scary to try and advance on someone who is your freind. I would try to find some way to express yourself without being to heavy about it. Keep it light so she is not put on the spot. If you do it without putting her off the worst that could happen is staying where you are now.
June 21, 2009 at 2:20 pm #9380ParticipantI like that idea. What would you suggest? I am just thinking about how to bring up the subject and what exactly to say. I can be very honest with her and she seems to be the same with me. June 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm #9381ParticipantI’m not sure…I’m really not an expert. I just know that I am 38 now and I know that taking a back seat in life will not get you closer to your dreams. I would not want to put her on the spot to where she feels she has to make a decision to want you romantically OR be your freind. When I did it, I brought up a moment in the past that I wish had turned out different and listened for her response.
June 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm #9386ParticipantI guess the other big thing is that I worry a lot that I am just the “nice guy”. I always hear the same thing that nice guys finish last. I am very nice not just with her but in general. I am trying to figure out how to proceed on a day to day basis like if I should continue to have phone conversations with her every day. June 22, 2009 at 2:54 pm #9387ParticipantThat nice guy thing is a crock. Women do want nice guys; they just don’t want puppy dogs. Women like a guy who is confident with themselves. It’s OK to tell a girl you like that your busy with other things and can’t call them back right away or go out that day. It’s OK to disagree with them during a conversation and have your own opinion. It’s hard to respect anyone who does and agrees with everything you say. Have a personality! Women like sex as much as guys do but if you are afraid to touch them or look them in the eyes confidently they will only see you as thier freind…like a brother.
Most guys that won’t make a move on a woman do so because they are not confident. They think ‘how could I do that…she may not like it if I do that’. Well, if you’re confident, you think ‘why would she not want me to’? I’m good looking, I’m funny and she probably likes me because hey…why would’nt she like me? I’m a great catch.
It’s our job as men to pursue. Women don’t spend all that time looking beautiful to not be noticed. I personally don’t know any women who want to be treated poorly by a man or who likes a jerk. If they do they have issues and you are better steering clear of them anyway.
And if you get rejected…welcome to the club! You will never know unless you try and unless you try you will never find those who are interested in you.
Getting rejected sucks but the only thing at risk is your ego so if you can get over that you will better off.
June 23, 2009 at 12:07 am #9395April Masini
KeymasterFirst of all, if a woman likes you she’ll look at you and hold you gaze. You may catch her looking at you when she thinks you’re not going to see her doing it. She’ll play with her hair and primp to look attractive to you. Those are all signs that she’s attracted to you. But even with those signs a lot of men are worried about getting their feelings hurt by rejection, and I’m sorry, but there’s no good short cut! It’s really important for you to get up to bat and see if you can hit a home run or even a grand slam. If you never try, you’ll never know, and since you’re 38, it’s time to give it a go.
Look, worst thing that happens is she’s not interested in you as anything more than a friend. And if that’s the case, then at least you know where you stand with her. Best case is that she’s been waiting for you to make a move. My advice to you is to amp this relationship up to the next level and see what’s there between the two of you.
Ask her to go out on a Saturday night, but ask her in advance, as if it’s a real date. And if you usually go to the movies and the coffee shop afterwards, plan this outing so that there’s no mistaking it for anything but a date. Take a risk with this woman. Like I said, worst case is she just wants to be friends, but best case is she’s wildly pleased and has been waiting for you to show up as prince charming and not just the guy who’s her best friend.
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